Knox is 3 months and some change y’all, and I am just a puddle on the floor. The last month has been so much fun, because he is starting to do things intentionally. Intentional (very bashful) smiles, showing excitement, and our first laughs. He is able to grab things and is very curious. He always has a quizzical brow- inspecting and locking in on things as he tries to figure them out- that makes me want to eat him right up. I swear things happen over night, and it’s like learning a whole new baby every couple of days. He is significantly more sturdy as of the last week or so. We love to play super baby and fly him through the air (also, a bonus way to relieve gas for him… haha).

Knox is truly marked by joy. He is happy and consolable. People always ask us how we are hanging in there, and I have to answer honestly that we have the most angelic, predictable, best sleeping baby on the planet. We haven’t experienced the treacherous first few months of new parenthood. I almost feel guilty for saying it, because I feel like we skipped the inaugural “you’re new parents” thing of no sleep… but, no, not really. I feel lucky. I also say a lot that if our first was this angelic, our second one will surely be from satan himself… but I am praying already for another easy, angelic baby round two of this whole baby thing. Now, before I get judgmental comments or emails… don’t get me wrong, we are tired. Freaking tired. And we sure as heck aren’t perfect. Being a mother is exhausting, but I am grateful for the sleep I get at night most nights other than a few random fussy nights here and there around 4 AM. With that said, I do believe we are entering into teething. He is showing signs of it, and is fussier than his usual happy self allows for.

Overall, month number 3 was a month of work for us, both as parents and son.

We went for our 2 month appointment in February, and were told Knox was only in the 1 percentile for weight. This was really upsetting to me, because I felt like I was failing him. What’s wrong with my milk? I am feeding him every three hours on the dot and he eats a ton… what could I possibly be doing wrong that he isn’t gaining as much weight as he could be?? Now mind you, Paul and I are both petite people. So, I was a little confused as to why they didn’t at least comment on the fact our baby will be on the smaller side no matter what. I mean, I am 5’1 and 110 pounds… I am not going to make a 99 percentile baby. But, none the less, we discussed options with our pediatrician and chose to add in some formula to Knox’s diet to supplement some calories. Because of my food allergies, I don’t get yeast at all or a lot of carbs. Yeast is something that helps to thicken and raise the calories in a mother’s milk. For real, it’s true. Women are suggested to drink dark beers to help their supply! So, it makes sense I have very lean milk due to my food restrictions. Believe me, I would love to down a stout or two… all in the name of milk supply and calories, of course. But now, we are still following our schedule, but I do a bottle a day of formula. It’s been like adding a bowl of ice cream in my mind for his daily diet. It’s been just enough extra calories to add some pudge. And now, we are 3 pounds up since his 2 month appointment! We just hit 12 pounds this week, and I was shocked. He literally gained a pound and a half in four days while I was in San Antonio. When Knox and I got home, Paul swore he looked bigger and I laughed at him. I was like, “I mean I don’t doubt he gained some ounces… but nothing significant…” WRONG. He truly had gained over a pound in 4 days.

A second thing from our two month appointment was that I need to do more tummy time (I was so scared to do it that I hardly did the first two months…), because Knox’s head was shaping incorrectly. Womp. Two strikes. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I felt so defeated. Then on top of that, two months was the dreadful decision making moment all of us new mommies raising kids in today’s world have to face… vaccinations. I mean, the fact this is so controversial in the media world is why I felt so much stress. What if I ruin my baby for making the wrong decision? After a longgggg discussion with our amazing pediatrician (who hugged me multiple times at our 2 month appointment because I was obviously overwhelmed) and reading studies on it, we chose to vaccinate. GASP… Do not send me any DMs or emails with your opinions on vaccinating my son. I literally received DMs days after Knox was born with unsolicited advice about ALL THE THINGS, including vaccinations… just don’t do it. I almost vomited the first round of shots, and two weeks later when we did the rest of them… I almost did again.

Being a mother is HARD STUFF. Our nurse assistant helping with shots said to me at our second round appointment as I stood in the corner with my ears plugged while Knox screamed with Paul, “It never goes away. You’re doing a great job, mom. You will feel the same way when they come home and tell you nobody wanted to sit with them at lunch today.” I wanted to weep.

Mamas, you are rocking this motherhood thing. I have had to combat fears of “I am not doing this good enough” and “I am ruining my baby” a lot this month. But, then there are the tiny victories that remind me I am doing alright. His head is shaping up correctly now, he is up 3 pounds, he is hitting his milestones… We mothers can be our own worst enemies inside our heads AND to one another.

But what would this world look like if we all rallied behind one another and showed by example what it looks like to cheer people on for our kids? It starts in the home. It starts with us, mamas (and daddies!). We surely would raise children who look for the person who needs friends at the lunch table.

I am here to cheer you on and say you’re killin it. Nobody knows your baby better than you, and you keep doing what is best for YOUR kid. I am in your corner with pom poms and a high kick. 😉

Our Updated Schedule

If you have followed along since Knox was born, you know we started him on a schedule at day 6. You can read our Newborn Schedule and how we started sleeping through the night by 3 weeks here. (Which BTW is number 2 if you search for newborn schedules?! THANK Y’ALL!) Now that he is older, we were able to start putting him down earlier and he is sleeping even longer… ALL THE PRAISE HANDS. Knox’s bottles are about 6-8 oz now, but he can do 9 oz sometimes, too. He eats on average 30-35 oz a day. I just watch him and follow his cues for when he is done. Here is our current schedule (on ideal days…but he can wake up at 4 AM from time to time):

Knox’s 3 Month Schedule

6:30 AM: Wake-up, change, feed, burp, play/read (he is most alert from 7-9 AM)

9 AM: Nap

10 AM: Feed, burp, play

1 PM: Feed, burp, play

4 PM: Feed, burp, play

7 PM: Feed, burp, play

(*very alert from 7-9 PM)

8 PM: Nightly routine begins- dim lights in house, change into pajamas, bathe (when it’s a bath night), put on Owlet sock, read, pray, white noise machine turns on

9 PM: Put to sleep

**He naps a bit off and on throughout the day aside from 9 AM (he is awake a lot though!), and if he does I put him down in the crib if we are home! I used to let him nap on the couch or in his bassinet by the sofa next to me during the day, but now that he is older and can associate sleep to the crib, I am putting him in there any chance I get when he dozes off.

Love you guys so much, and I am so grateful for each and every one of you. Thanks for being part of our lives and Knox’s!

xoxo, Han