Marriage

Formal Christmas Card Photos 2019

November 11, 2019

EEEEP! They’re here, they’re here! I am so excited to share our formal Christmas photos for this year. Planning our Christmas cards is one of my favorite things I do every single year, even though my hubby always takes some convincing to do it. Ladies, you’re not alone! Even my husband hates doing family photos. But, it’s always worth it. I absolutely love seeing how my sweet family has grown over time and I actually REALLY want to get prints made from all of our shoots to hang up at Christmas every year. That’s my current project!

This year’s shoot was… an almost disaster. See just a glimpse below… lol. If it weren’t for our incredible photographer, Cottonwood Road Photography, we would have had a total flop of a shoot. Knox, who usually LOVES getting his picture taken, just wanted to explore. I mean, he is a toddler boy. I should have known! But, somehow, Hannah H. captured the milliseconds we got of Knox not asking to “get down” or yelling “stop it” as we would chase him down to keep from falling into the barbwire fences around us as he searched for the horses he swore were around, but absolutely did not exist. L O L.

Quick tips for shooting with a toddler:

Just roll with it. If they want to run around, that is how your shoot needs to be. Our photographer, Hannah, set the tone for this so well and we just followed her lead. Rather than getting frustrated with him, which would have upset him and made the shoot a lost cause, we tried to be adventurous with him. It kept him smiling, even though he was frustrated with us for not letting him run into the open field by us.
We would play in the leaves with him (which ended up being some of my FAVORITE shots Hannah got!) or tossing him in the air to get giggles. Whatever you got to do, do it. It’s not about you or about getting the “picture perfect” shot. It’s about capturing your family, as it is. And, if you have an amazing photographer, then you get the picture perfect shots mixed in WITH the real shots. I love them both, honestly! This is also why it’s so worth paying a great photographer, if you’re able, once a year for your Christmas photos. They can capture things you just wouldn’t be able to on your own or with a non-professional.
We left saying “Well, even if we have to send out a funny picture, we are going to be happy!” Having images, no matter how your shoot goes, is so worth it and you’ll never regret it.

Thanks to Dillard’s for sponsoring all of our looks! Everything except for Knox’s jacket and Paul’s shoes are entirely from Dillard’s. I have them all linked for you below.

It feels impossible to narrow down our hundreds of photos to a graspable amount… so I tried my very best to pick the best, the funniest, and the cutest!

3 Things That Changed Our Budget & Created Margin

October 7, 2019

Heya babes! Today I am sharing about that dreaded “B Word”… Budget. WHOA WHOA, what word did you think I meant!? Ok, just kidding. BUT, for real. How many of us hate the word “budget?” I used to hate talking about the budget, money, or anything of the sort because I just didn’t want to know. This was, of course, no help to my husband who was trying to keep us on track.

For 2019, the word that Paul felt on his heart for our family was “margin.” We felt this was for our time, family, and money. I am sharing today 3 things we use that has brought margin for our family’s finances with the hopes it will do the same for you.

I took over the budget. We decided to do this for a couple reasons- one of them being to make me feel the weight of our money. And now that I have… I ain’t going to lie… I freaking love it. Like, neither of us want to go back to Paul doing it. It’s become a GAME to me. I love running our budget. I love knowing how much value even $5 spent here and there is, and how quickly it adds up and cuts into our margin. I literally look at my budget spreadsheet every.single.day. I legit asked Paul today as I left the house, “Hey babe, can you make sure lights are off when you leave? The electricity bill was high last month.” LOL. WHO AM I?! I encourage you, if you don’t know your family’s budget or are like how I used to be (“I just don’t wanna know”), then I would seriously consider running your budget even just a one month commitment with your spouse. This will help you both!
Twine App. Paul started using Twine as our external savings account. We found it way too easy to “steal” from our savings when it was in our bank account. If we really wanted to establish margin, we needed to remove that savings account from our grasp altogether. We send money over every month and it is accruing interest like a true Savings Account. It helps you set goals, too! It’s so great.
Robin Hood/Stocks. You guys, this one has been a game changer for us. Like, life-changing. As part of his mission to create margin for our family, Paul began educating himself on stocks. We have some big goals to pay off everything but our mortgage as quickly as possible (cars, school, etc.), and this has been HUGE for us. We are talking a side income for our family FROM STOCKS. Robin Hood helps manage your stock investments easily and is linked to your bank. We have a healthy number in there we keep for daily investments, and Paul sends the surplus he’s made that week to our bank. He has really figured out a system that’s almost fool-proof. However, we don’t budget this profit into our monthly budget just in case there’s a low week or month. I assess what we made and allocate the earnings accordingly toward debt. As of now, Robin Hood is our debt payer and it’s been such a blessing!

Whether you do these exact steps, or you figure out something else that works for you, I hope you know you CAN create margin with your budget. It takes getting everybody (yes YOU!) on board with unified goals. You can do this, y’all!! You can spend and save wisely, and steward your money well. We are cheering you on!

The Best Gift You Can Give Your Husband

October 2, 2019

Yep, I have searched high and low and tried it all. Want to know what the BEST gift of all to give your hubby is? Better than any set of golf clubs or Nikes or getaway vacation… Better than any date night or fancy restaruant. I have the key to your marriage that will help you stand solid through thick, thin, and all the things.

It is honor.

Hannah… say whaaaaa? Perhaps you’re thinking, “Yo, I was looking for a practical, what to buy kind of post here and you’re telling me an action?” YEP. Sure am. Y’all want to know the truth? I was the actual worst our first year or two of marriage. Like, so bad. So selfish, so prideful, so naggy. Like, I was the kind of woman that I now want to grab the hand of and say, “Hey, can I love on you a little and help you a bit?” We know what it is like to go to bed angry over and over again. We know what it is like to be broke as… well, a lot of words I won’t type out. We know what it’s like to have, what feels like, everything coming up against you to test your marriage and patience with one another. Jobs, relationships, people, money. ALL OF IT.

But through it all, what changed our entire dynamic was when I learned to honor my husband. Not our bank account, not our home, not anything. Because listen to me, those things can certainly help relieve stress I suppose. But if it’s not your bank account, it will be something else. Guarantee it. None of that will help you and your husband stay strong and connected when it feels like your world is caving in. None of those are the heart level fix that needs to happen. But, HONOR. I can’t say it enough. I saw a new man, new leader, and a new marriage form when I started to drop my pride and honor the mess out of Paul.

What’s this look like? What’s that mean?

Glad you asked. 😉 This looks like ALWAYS publicly praising, privately discussing. I felt so frustrated with Paul (and marriage in general from unhealthy expectations) early on that I convinced myself the only way he’d ever listen to me was if I talked down about him and tried to rally people behind me in group settings. I always nagged and dug at the things that were bothering me in front of people so that I felt like we had “accountability”… so bad. So dishonorable. The best thing I learned was to discuss in private the things that I don’t like and then with a mentor when necessary. If Paul says or does something in front of people now that I don’t like, then I tell him later. Never in front of people. Dishonor to your husband is delivered in the form of correction and embarrassing him in front of people. I was a PRO at this, and I so wish I could change those first years. But, I can’t. So, here I am helping you as much as I possibly can so that you don’t have to maybe go through what we did because of my inability to honor Paul.

Honor is respecting him as the leader of my household and following what he thinks is best for us, even if I disagree. Don’t hear me wrong. We are far from totalitarian type of home. We have a VERY equal relationship. Equally yoked and equal responsibility in the home. I run our budget, I choose how we spend our money, and I get to tell him “no.” BUT, at the end of the day, if I want Paul to live in his role entirely as the leader of our household, then I must honor him as such. I have to let him make choices I might disagree with to help him learn and become all that God has called him to be.

My “concerns”, also known as pride more often than not, could actually be squashing the man God has within my husband if I don’t allow Him to work through my husband. I gotta move out of the way, y’all. And you do, too. At the end of the day, if I believe I need to be heard on absolutely every little thing and NEVER pick my fights… I am actually trying to be God for Paul. Plus, for reeeeal, picking EVERY battle as “Match-worthy” is exhausting. I cannot be his holy spirit. I am his helper, but I am not convicter nor am I God. How prideful of me to think I need to go to battle over EVERYTHING. PICK THEM WISELY.

When I learned to honor who Paul is and for where he’s at, AND learned to build him up both behind closed doors and in front of people, our marriage changed drastically. Like… we are different people today than we were 5 years ago. PRAISE THE LORD. I used to cry in our closet every single night. We had a loft… so literally there were only two doors to pick from that I could retreat to hehe. But, I can’t help but wonder if I had honored my husband more what those first years could have been like. God did use that season to do a WORRRRRRK in my heart, though. That season did not go without good coming from it. Praise the Lord He can make beauty from ashes. Perhaps it is true that I would have never seen the pride in my heart if I never went through those first years of marriage as they were. God used it for ME and HIS glory.

Life Lesson: I can’t expect somebody, anybody in my life, to be honorable if I don’t first honor them. That stretches far beyond just a spouse. That’s in LIFE.

The Win: I have seen my husband FLOURISH in his gifts since I learned to honor Paul. I don’t think that’s a coincidence at all. I think we are called as wives to call our husband’s higher. And, sometimes, that means honoring EVEN WHEN our pride wants to fix/correct/call-out… And know what I learned in all this? I needed to remove the log from my own eye before ever trying to help Paul out with his tiny specks. I was a mess. I had baggage. I had some serious pride that needed excavating- not Paul!

This is the beauty of marriage! HONOR not only called my husband to a healthy position to flourish in all his giftings, but it also called me higher and grew me to become a better human. I started to forgive quicker, pick fights a lot less, diffuse confrontation healthier and faster, and appreciate my husband so much more. I hope the same for you!

How will you choose honor today?

8 Things That Changed Our Home and Marriage

August 22, 2019

Today is about something I feel really passionate about, and I hope it is helpful to you! Let me start this by saying Paul and I haven’t always had a “great” marriage (oy to our first year). Loved one another always. Communicated well? That’s a big fat NOPE. 😉

We have certainly had seasons we definitely were butting heads more than we were in sync, and even still we can *of course* have “off days.” But, I would say we are lightyears from where we started, best friends, and I truly would’t want to hang out with anybody else more than him. Our fights diffuse way quicker and we are on each other’s team! We’ve changed some things in our home and implemented routines that matter to us and have established for us a home culture that is peaceful, unified, and rooted in our faith. I really do believe (with counseling and mentorship!) that these are some practical ways our home has transformed into a peaceful and flourishing space for us and Knox to live.

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29

This scripture is so good! Though it’s obviously not God speaking into relationships or our homes specifically, we are called to match God’s heart. And the more we take on his character of humility and gentleness, we will find peace! In our homes, our marriages, our friendships. Everything!

Our individual relationships with God spur one another on together- it’s not the other way around.

When we got married, we knew that we were both serious about our relationship with God. But, for us, we’ve really watched our marriage grow the more we’ve valued our personal quiet times with God. Asking one another questions about our prayer life, worries, fears, etc… these help us grow even closer. But, it starts with our own personal relationship and time with the Lord. And, the more we grow in Christ as individuals, the more our home and marriage changes. It’s all hand in hand.

Getting control of finances and spending.

Mo money, mo problems… right? But, no let’s get real for a second. Careless spending and a frustrating bank account can be a tension point for couples. It really is true! It’s not about how much, but are you spending what you have well? Learning how to manage money, wise investments, and a healthy budget has changed our lives! Seek help and I promise, you’ll be amazed. Again- it’s not about how MUCH. It’s about learning to be wise with what you have!

Say sorry, and you don’t always have to “win” or be understood.

Holla! This one is for me. Listen, I get it. If you are a justice seeker, the need to “win” a fight can be a downfall of ours because we feel so deeply moved by our convictions or frustrations. Our marriage changed when I stopped needing to win. And, frankly, so many of my battles were rooted in unmet expectations that weren’t worth a battle to begin with. This has been a game changer for MY life and my marriage. I am not angry about things I can’t control in my marriage or home like I used to be. This affects me and my personal health more than anybody or anything else! I just feel… lighter? It’s the best word I can find to explain how it feels to care less about things that just don’t matter.

Help one another, take on burdens (chores included!!).

Ain’t nothin’ sexier than an empty sink. But for real, I feel like we are in it together when we evenly take on the burdens and challenges of every day things. Groceries, chores in the home, paying bills. We split it all!

Serve the local church together.

“Hannah, you guys work at a church. Of course you do.” NAH, you can too. And it’s important you do. Whether you are leading a small group or serving as a greeter at the front door together, SERVE. Serve the church and serve the vision to bring more people “home” together. Nothing will unify your home more.

Spend time at least once a week intentionally catching up on things without any distractions- worries, excitements, schedules, etc.

I mentioned this briefly above, but ask one another intentional questions and sit down to for real talk at least once a week. We honestly do this just about every night at dinner together. This includes discussing our week together, our schedules, current joys and frustrations, etc. I feel like our home is less chaotic since we’ve started valuing this!

Pray together.

It doesn’t have to be fancy. We pray together laying in bed before we fall asleep. Paul will usually ask, “What do you want me to pray for tonight?” It can be 30 seconds or it may be significantly longer. But pray together!

Be best friends and find joy in life together.

Paul really is my best friend. I hate experiencing things without him! All of the above things I have mentioned have laid the foundation for this. It’s a journey and one that isn’t anywhere near perfected (and never will be!). But our home and marriage is significantly different because of these things, and I think they can work for you, too.

Take these and tailor them to your own family! Pick things you value together, and stick to them. Fight for goals together. Write them on your fridge… Whatever it takes! Your home WILL change as you implement unified values together.

xoxo,

Han

3 Things I’ve Learned After 3 Years of Marriage

June 12, 2019

Guys, I am SO pumped to introduce Carleigh officially to all of you not only as my ~~assistant~~ life-saver and Lead Media Manager for The Cake Media/The Cake Shop, but she is also now a weekly contributor to The Cake by Hannah. Her heart is pure gold, she is a 6 on the Enneagram, and is such a pivotal piece to everything BTS for The Cake. You’re going to LOVE HER. *insert applause here*

Hey y’all!! Carleigh here. I’m 25, have been married to my husband, Jay, for 3 years, and I’ve worked for Hannah for almost a year and am loving every. single. second. of it. I can’t live without cheese, Coke, and Gilmore Girls. And, I wouldn’t be where I am today without my husband, family and friends, and the grace of the Lord.

My husband Jay and I just celebrated our 3 year anniversary at the end of May! We went to Finest (where Hannah went back in October!) to celebrate, and needless to say it was perfect. We sat on the beach, drank pina coladas, got a little too sunburned, and got more time together than we have had in a long time. We’ve learned a lot the last 3 years, and I want to encourage all you newlyweds or soon-to-be marrieds with 3 things that really will change the course of your first years. I hope it helps you navigate this unknown territory you’re entering into.

Fight for time together.

You see this one a lot, and for a good reason, but it can be difficult to actually do. I mean, you most likely see your spouse at some point every day right? Isn’t that enough?

Nope. It really isn’t. Even if quality time isn’t your #1 love language (although it is mine ha!), it’s something that is essential to a healthy marriage. There is a HUGE difference between time and quality time. Trust me, this is a conversation that is had often in my house. You probably get time every day, but how often is it the kind that leaves you feeling connected, refreshed, and encouraged? Life is busy, like really busy, so if we don’t fight for that kind of time that allows us to connect as spouses then we simply aren’t going to get it. Figure out what that looks like for you. Is it carving out an hour after your evening winds down to talk, check-in, and just be together? Is it a weekly or monthly date night out (or in)? Is it a vacation or a weekend trip just the two of you? Whatever it is, make time for it as often as you can.

2. Support each other’s passions.

This one has been a huge lesson for me even in just the past year. Pretty much since I’ve been married, I’ve struggled to find my passion in life. Then, when I found it, I struggled with how to pursue it. There were a lot of ups and downs, and a LOT of emotions. But not for one second did I ever feel like Jay wasn’t there for me or didn’t support me. I’m pretty sure he didn’t really understand when I told him that my dream was to work for a blogger, especially when I always followed it with “ … but I don’t know how that will ever happen”, but that never kept him from encouraging me to pursue it.

Just the other day Amber Fillerup posted a poll on her stories asking who else was a “Fortnite wife” and I laughed out loud. If you don’t know, Fortnite is a video game that is wildly popular right now. My husband loves to play it, along with other video games. It’s his dream to be a streamer and a Youtuber, and he loves following other streamers and Youtubers like I love following bloggers. The problem is, I hate video games y’all. I just think they’re a waste of time. I’ve never appreciated that Jay spends time playing them, and I always chose to see it as something that was taking away from our time together, and not as something that he truly loved to do. That viewpoint has caused a lot of arguments in our marriage. Even through all the support I received, I didn’t support him in return. And it was a point of tension in our marriage because of that.

Finally, one day I decided to let go of my selfish viewpoint and just support him. It’s something he loves to do, something that allows him to be creative, and something that allows him to connect with his friends and make new ones. There’s nothing wrong with it even if I don’t understand it. Since the day I decided to just support his passion, I can honestly say we’ve grown a lot closer. We haven’t argued about it since, and it doesn’t even bother me anymore (most of the time… I’m still human haha). But, when it does I don’t voice it in the way I did before. It was a simple choice, like love so often calls us to do. I had to make a choice to let go of my selfishness and put him before myself. I’m not proud of how long it took me to be a supportive wife in that way, but thank goodness for grace right? The point of this long story is that it’s important to support your spouse’s passions, because that’s part of supporting and loving them overall. The love that comes from feeling supported can go a long way and do wonders for your marriage.

3. Learn about yourself as much as your spouse.

When I say this, I’m specifically talking about your tendencies, habits, the way you approach conflict, etc. One of the most helpful tools that I’ve found to identify these tendencies in yourself, and then use that knowledge to understand how you communicate with your spouse, is a quiz called “How We Love”. It focuses on how different aspects of our upbringing affect our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors when interacting with and showing love to others and gives you your love style based on your answers. It also has these charts that show how different styles interact in a marriage and how it affects conflict. Sounds kinda like just another personality test, but y’all it was LIFE CHANGING for my marriage. My counselor showed it to Jay and I, and after going through it Jay literally said to her, “Do you have a camera in our house or something???” It was SO accurate. It takes maybe 10 minutes, and going through our results and how our personality types interact with each other gave us so much insight into each other and ourselves. Moving forward, when we have any sort of conflict or misunderstanding we can resolve it so much quicker because we understand how the other person is feeling and why they’re reacting the way they are, and we can understand the same for ourselves. Putting time and effort into understanding these types of things about yourself and your spouse can help you get to a level of knowing and feeling known that I think so many couples miss out on, because they don’t want to put in the work. But it is so worth it.

If you choose to take the test, hover over “The Love Styles” at the top of the website and click on “Core Patterns”- This is where it shows how different love styles work together.

xoxo,

Carleigh