Hannah Morrison

Family, faith, fashion, home design, and lifestyle

I was pregnant and had a baby during a pandemic

Can you believe it has been a year since the word “pandemic” entered all of our lives? A word once found only in our history books has become a reality, and it’s weird. It’s sad. It’s confusing. It’s, well, a lot of things. I surely never in a million years thought I would have to navigate pregnancy let alone deliver a baby in the midst of a pandemic. I never dreamed of having to get video of my ultrasounds for my husband as I ventured into my appointments alone. I never dreamed of wearing a mask while gasping for breath in between pushes. It’s been a lot to process, even 6 months later.

There were days I just cried on the table in my OB’s office. She would encourage me and found herself, among all her other tasks as a doctor to so many, counseling and caring for the hearts of her patients through the unwelcome situation we all found ourselves in.

And then, I had a baby. In a pandemic. And then, a day later had a baby in the NICU. In a pandemic. Then, I was stuck at home with a baby. In a pandemic. It was easy to be angry. It was easy to feel overlooked. It was easy to feel lonely. And I definitely felt all of those things at some point.

Now, as we approach the one year mark of this insane time in our world, I find myself looking back at all that has happened. Sure, I am a mom who faced just about every hurdle possible this year, and I certainly tripped over them more than once. But I also am a mom who – regardless of the circumstances- carried and birthed a perfect little boy who conquered the NICU. I am a business owner who stayed afloat through a pandemic and managed to build a dream home in the middle of chaos. See, if this year has taught me anything, both in motherhood and life, it’s that our circumstances do not have the power to define our outcome. We do. Our joy and our outlook on life are in our hands. When everything is so out of control, our perspective is something we do have the reins on. With God as my source of unshakable joy, I can say this year has actually been the best year of my life in so many ways. Not because the circumstances set the stage for an incredible year, but because I see the good in everything that has happened. Perspective is everything. I choose to see the good. I choose to see that I am a warrior mommy who had a VBAC with a mask on and delivered a baby boy in 13 minutes of pushing to avoid a c-section again. I choose to see that when it looked like I should have lost all my work, it doubled. I choose to see that I got months of extra time with my husband and sons before the rest of our life as pastors of Cadence Church.

There is good to be found. Always.

My body and mind have been through the ringer, I suppose, over the last 12 months. And if you’re a mommy who also had a baby in 2020, please hear me say you’re a freaking champion. It’s okay to feel sad and happy all at once. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by what the year brought. It’s okay to grieve that the first year of your child’s life has looked anything but normal. I have family who have yet to meet Rory, and it sucks. It shouldn’t be this way, and yet, here we are. It’s okay to be disappointed. Also, hear me when I say this, it’s okay to need help. It’s okay to want to process what you’re feeling with a counselor or therapist. Everything you’re feeling is completely valid. Seeing a Biblical counselor has been the best thing I ever did for myself. 2020 was freaking hard.  Every little detail of my life was not NOT affected. But I have also been effected in ways that have shaped me into a new woman. I have grown into a new version of me as a mom, as a wife, and as, well, me.

I will be a statistic in history books, I am sure, as a woman who had a baby in the midst of the 2020 pandemic. Rory will be a number in records as a baby born in a pandemic. But it certainly doesn’t define either of us. It is simply part of our story, and is one we will tell.

Mommy and Me Valentine’s Day Shoot

Arguably my favorite shoot I do each year, it’s time for our 2021 Mommy and Me photos. Next to Christmas, Valentine’s Day is my FAVORITE holiday. Who doesn’t love pink, candy, and an excuse to tell all the people you love that you love them? Our anniversary is the 15th, too, so it’s just always a big hoopla at our home! Being a boy mommy has somehow made me love the holiday even more now. There is just something mushy about loving on tiny Valentines!!

I always love sharing styled shoots like this, not only because they’re special to me, but because I love giving you inspiration for your own special shoots with your families. In your annual budget for your family, I cannot stress enough how much I think photos should be on that list. I love that I have photos of us from every single stage of life. From Christmas card photos to mommy and me photos you will cherish forever, I hope you always feel inspired when you see the incredible shoots Cottonwood Road Photography comes up with.

I seriously tried to narrow down the photos to share… but it was very difficult when there were so many amazing images… haha. I do sincerely hope the plethora of shots helps you with poses and outfit ideas, though! The key to shoots with babes… time. Would you believe we did this shoot in under 20 minutes?? YUP. A studio is the way to go for a shoot with babies as well, because you don’t have to worry about one running off into a ditch or off with the horses in the field over *this has happened with us… haha* Hannah H., my photographer, is so amazing at getting kids to laugh and show their personality. She has them be kids… just on camera. She has cookies, flowers, and encourages them to dance and have FUN. I always know a shoot with Hannah H. is in good hands because she just somehow ALWAYS gets the best shots. My favorite shot of us three *the one as the blog image you clicked to get here* was captured from Hannah telling Knox to sneak up on me and scare me! If you’re local… hire Hannah. She just is simply the best!

My Outfit

*exact top and bottom not sold anymore, but I linked almost identical pieces!* 

My exact hat is from Landry Kate! A more expensive version is the beautiful one from Cara Loren x Gigi Pip, here.

Boys outfits are both from Zara Kids!

5 Things I Have Learned About Raising Boys

I love the way God has knit the hearts of this community together. I sat down to begin writing this post one night, and then the next morning woke up to a message asking me about how I have dealt with the disappointment I initially felt in finding out I was having boys when I so desperately wanted a girl. I laughed and thought “Okay God, that’s cool.” That has, in fact, happened more times than I know to count at this point. I receive messages often asking about this, because I have been so open about it. Likewise, it’s invited hurtful comments and assumptions about me that I have had to just delete *literally and mentally.* I feel undeserving but honored to be invited into so many of your confusion or hurt of not conceiving a little girl. Also, as a woman who literally loves being a boy mom more than anything, I hope these words encourage you. I hope you hear every bit of it and feel excitement in your incredible role you have been given as a boy mom.

I always thought I would be a girl mom taking a mini me to dance lessons in her tutu. I have faced over the last nearly 4 years since the moment I first found out I was pregnant with a boy (Knox Chandler) a journey of letting a specific dream and expectation die that I had for my life. This massive lesson in my life has actually been one for so many others within it. The lesson is far larger than seemingly letting go of not having a girl. It’s been a larger picture of trusting that God knows more than I ever could what will bring me joy into my life. Letting dreams die hurts, as all things that die do. But, we know as believers in Jesus, life is ALWAYS on the other side of loss and death. Good always rises from the depths of our hurt, and in far greater amounts than we could ever have prepared ourselves for.

Having boys has challenged me in ways I never knew I needed and brought me the greatest joy of fulfilling love I didn’t even know was possible. I never even knew if I would fall in head over heels love like I did with my now husband, because I never had been remotely close to it until I met him. And then… when I met each of my boys… WHOA. Add another heart, because mine exploded and multiplied. I mean, goodness, Knox just walked into my room still rubbing the sleep from his eyes and told me I am so pretty… Teeth unbrushed, hair a mess, and sipping my coffee while one handedly feeding Rory. Tell me a son isn’t the most encouraging thing ever.

Here’s what’s so cool…

When you get married, you get your first glimpse at what men need to feel truly loved. Respect, honor, adventure. [Just to name a few!] Mind you, these aren’t exclusive needs to men, obviously. However, I think majority of us can agree that these actions make a boy thrive in most scenarios. As a boy mom… you not only are living with those values under your roof in tiny versions of your husband. You are in charge of shaping them in a way very different than your role of nurturing these things in a spouse. It’s been mind-blowing to me that I have been entrusted with two little boys’ hearts to FORM the way they view, receive, and give love to others. Moms, we literally carry that role in our home to our babies. It’s Biblical. It’s up to us to nurture the “muscle” of nurturing and kind within our kids. To provide a space that welcomes vulnerability and compassion … that’s on us! Pretty cool, huh?

If you ask me… being a boy mom in the times we are living through MIGHT be the greatest undertaking moms have ever had. What if, for such a time as this, all of us who have the opportunity to raise boys have the opportunity to change the world? We get to raise up fierce men who are gentle, kind, bold, gracious, God-fearing, and respectful. I know, I am biased and I know the little girls my best friends are raising will also change the world. But, as a boy mom, I feel a deep call to change the world through my sons.

So all this said in an extremely long intro, here are the 5 things I have learned as a boy mom:

  1. Boys just want to feel you love them. Like, no, physically feel you hug them, over smooch them, grab them as they are walking by to wipe the hair out of their eyes before they run down the hallway as Buzz Lightyear.
  2. Boys want you to tell them how proud of them you are. When I get down on my knees, look Knox in the eyes, and say “Knox, you are a super hero. I am so proud of the way you did “x.” … I see my son grow about 10 feet taller.
  3. Alone time with daddy is key. As much as I want to keep Knox and Rory all to myself *hehe* I want them to actually think their daddy is the most fun, coolest, strongest person in the world. That means I am not. It’s a gift to be loved by my boys, but I want them to desire to BE their daddy. They can’t learn to be gentlemen entirely by me. Their daddy has to teach them by one-on-one time that develops that within them by seeing and imitating. I am happy if Knox says daddy is the fun one. In some ways… it means I have done my job right.
  4. Stop saying “No.” As his mommy, I have eyes on all sides of my head that also, believe it or not, can see into the future. 😉 I know that as he is tightrope walking the top of my sofa, he not only will fall but he will fall and roll onto the corner of the coffee table, bust his head open, and we will be paying that hospital bill for the next year… And that just doesn’t fit into my budget goals for 2021 hehe. HOWEVER, within reason, I have learned that raising fearless boys who love others, love adventure, and are given opportunity to thrive and be independent means… I have to stop saying “no” so much. Let him fall. And then, tell him how cool that was and how brave he is.
  5. Being firm is a good thing. This ties with #4, but boys need healthy boundaries to be fearless. You will get to say “no” less when you present healthy boundaries for them from the start. This will look different in all situations, but it’s so important. We also explain to Knox in detail why we have to be firm sometimes. Ex: Knox, we have to be firm with you inside these walls, because we want you to be safe outside of them. That means, if you don’t listen to me within these boundaries I cannot trust you will in different ones.

I am by no means a parenting expert. I lose my cool and need to ask my son for forgiveness way more than I would like to admit. And I ALWAYS ask for forgiveness if I am in the wrong. The bull crap statement that says, “I am the parent and I don’t need to say sorry” is… well, crap. My kid can’t develop the ability to admit they’re wrong OR come to me when they have done something wrong if I can’t model that for him. We have already seen this play out in ways that have shocked me. Knox has come to us multiple time on his own to admit he did or said something he shouldn’t. Something we have done well, I believe, is provide a space for Knox to know he can admit he was wrong and receive grace. This starts with us getting eye level and apologizing when it is necessary. I share all of this with the hope as a non-parenting expert that my experiences can encourage you. I hope you tuck these away in your pocket for a rainy day. And, let’s address it, because I am SURE I will get it from somebody: ALL THESE THINGS APPLY TO LITTLE GIRLS, TOO. I do believe some needs are higher on the list than others for little girls, though. And, I believe there are a lot that are unique to them/you as girl parents. We literally just listened to an audio book two days ago talking about the science behind boys and girls brains, and how they are literally formed differently when chromosomes connect. Different needs light up in different ways when stimulated. It’s just facts.

I love y’all. You CAN do this, mommy [and daddy]. Parenting is work. But man, it’s the most fulfilling job any of us will ever do! Love you. If you found this helpful or encouraging, please share. Let’s encourage one another in this crazy journey called PARENTHOOD.

xoxo

Exclusive Pumping Q&A

Well y’all, I have never been asked so many specific questions about something before! I realized over the last 4 months as I have casually mentioned I exclusively pump to feed Rory that it’s not so simple and (in some cases) something other mommies didn’t know was okay to talk about. I am the #1 advocate for FEED YOUR BABY. Breast fed, bottle fed, formula… whatever you do… do it and do it proudly. You, momma, are a rockstar. You grew a human inside you, brought that human into this world, and work tirelessly to keep that human alive all day… Like, woah. You’re amazing.

With this all said, I rounded up the most asked questions I have received about exclusively pumping to hopefully help some of you with your own feeding journey. For starters, I have been an exclusive breast feeder, hybrid, and now exclusive pumper. I have pretty much done it all, and I am an open book about it. With Knox, I had to FIGHT for a supply and was exclusively breast feeding for the first two months. But, we just weren’t getting enough for him so I started adding formula to the mix with bottles at night and eventually adding a scoop or two to his breast milk as I weaned off of breast feeding. We did breast milk until almost a year with Knox, but about 4 months of it was pumping.

Why do you exclusively pump?

First, having breast milk on hand and doing bottles in addition to feeding has worked really well for us. It’s allowed Paul the ability to help with night feedings for both boys, and allowed us to really carry the burden equally together so we could both get sleep and take turns. We are both entrepreneurs and business owners, so we a. work non-stop jobs but also b. have the flexibility to take turns.

My plan with Rory was to breast feed again and hopefully with fattier milk to be able to avoid formula for as long as possible. To be super honest, though, I really don’t like breast feeding. *gasp* I don’t feel like I need it to feel connected to them, and in fact enjoy seeing their face better with the bottle. So when Rory ended up in the NICU the whole first week of life, starting night 1, I had to start exclusively pumping almost immediately. When you have a baby in the NICU, the nurses pretty much tell you to go home… I slept with Rory the first night but caught on they didn’t want me there as much as I was, and they had their reasons for it. I tried honoring their request as much as possible… but still went up for hours every day. Having a baby in the NICU is just freaking hard.

That said, I had 1. to pump milk to bring up to them to feed Rory with for when I wasn’t present to breast feed and 2. had a HECKUFA supply. I nearly lost all my baby weight that first week because I was pumping 90-100+ oz a day, y’all. [Random fact: 22 calories an ounce is what you burn]. Both a blessing and a curse, to be honest. By the time we brought Rory home, he was so well-trained on the bottle and I didn’t feel like fighting to breast feed, so I just ran with exclusively pumping!

How do you establish a supply?

As somebody who had a very difficult time with supply the first time around, I do really feel like I have something for you to try due to the STARK contrast of supply my second time around. I started pumping at 37 weeks, and began getting colostrum almost immediately in small doses. Then at 38.5 weeks I started eating MiracleMilkookies a few times a week. I believe I had 5 by the time I delivered, and my supply was already almost FULLY in by night 1 with Rory. I was pumping 8-10 oz. of COLOSTRUM y’all. All my nurses who came in were baffled by it.

Because I was getting SO MUCH MILK a day (normal pumping is like… maybe 25-40 oz. a day – I was consistently doing on average 100), it was only a matter of time until I got mastitis. And, boy, I got it BAD. My left side was nearly completely shot dry. I was getting maybe 3 oz. a day all of a sudden while my right side was still producing as normal. After a few weeks of pumping/or keeping the Haakaa on what felt like ALL DAY LONG to get anything I could, my supply started to build back up. But, it hasn’t returned to my original supply amount (but I am actually thankful for that).

How Often Do You Pump?

At first, every 3 hours 24/7. If I went too long after letdown, it was bad news and I had to work harder to get it all out. I tried my best to start pumping WHILE I felt the tingling of letdown. After Mastitis (in September), I dropped one pumping a night (the 11 PM) so that I could start getting a bit more rest. I literally was going to bed at like 7 PM and waking up around 2 AM to pump and then again at 5 AM, etc.

Scheduling Pump Times

It really just develops off your body’s natural rhythms at first, and then making sure you’re following the every 3 hours rule with letdown. It worked out where my pump times lined up exactly with feeding times, and they were like CLOCKWORK. This was sorta a drag in the beginning because it meant I was up at night every 3 hours no matter what [even if it was a “Paul feeding”]. Eventually I started to extend time in between for better sleep.

Storage

Breast milk is good frozen for a YEAR. It’s fridge life is 8 hours and “room temperature” is 4 hours. With that, we store my milk in Doctor Brown’s bags *not all bags are created equal!!!!*, and had SO MUCH that we had to keep in our spare freezer out in the garage in addition to 1/4 of our massive freezer in the main fridge. If you saw my stories, though… our garage fridge evidently died and we didn’t know. Our electricity briefly went out last week and we think it never came back on for that fridge. Y’all… I stopped counting how much I lost because it was too depressing. We are talking at least 2 months of overflow supply. SO, check your overflow freezer regularly. My biggest takeaway from that. *insert tears here*

Which pump do you use?

Well y’all, I have used it all… haha. Not really. But almost. With Knox, I had the Ameda that my insurance covered. It was great, but SO FREAKING LOUD. I got rid of it after I stopped pumping with Knox. Then, I got the Elvie for Rory and LOVED IT. It was a game-changer. I told everybody about it… and then… it just stopped working one day. Like, legit starting spitting my milk out everywhere. Obviously, as an EP-er, that’s a huge deal. Because I was losing so much milk, I would shorten my sessions which was cutting my supply. It was bad. Long story short, Elvie Customer Service was a hellish ordeal (and y’all had SO MANY stories of the exact same issues with product AND customer service) and I had to FIGHT to get to return my product. I originally just wanted to replace it because I really did love the product. But, after my customer service experience, I demanded a refund. I returned the product last month and have yet to receive my refund. *They claim a 30 day grace period before you see your refund – so I will keep you posted)

The Evenflo Electric pump is a favorite one and I really enjoy having it on hand. It’s just not discreet, which is shocking after you’ve had the Elvie. You also have to replace the flaps, which I didn’t know at first, and is why I was having trouble with mine recently. I am sure their double electric is probably just as great and would suggest giving it a shot! While having trouble with my Evenflo last week, we purchased the Lansinoh double electric pump and I really like it so far!

ALL IN ALL: I love exclusively pumping. I am currently trying to build back up my supply, because of how much I lost in our dead freezer. I was starting to wean down to only 30 oz a day because between both freezers, I had about 4 months of milk + my daily pumps. Basically, I was already prepping for weaning off pumping. Womp. So, it’s back to Miracle Milkookies and pumping a bit more frequently again to restock some spare. Pumping isn’t for everybody just like breast feeding isn’t. You  make the choice for YOU. Do what’s best for YOU. If you’re a WFHM or have an office job, though (but EP-ing is NOT exclusive to only those categories!), I hope this helps because I really believe pumping makes it easier to still fully give your baby breast milk if that’s something you feel committed to providing while you go back to work. You can do this, momma!

Our Christmas Photo Outfits

Hey, girl, heyyyy! Well, with November here and in full swing, it’s likely you are about to have your family Christmas photos *eeeep!* Our Christmas photos are for sure one of my favorite things we do every year that gets me in full on holiday mode. Last year we did a formal look and the year before that was a very casual plaid and flannel type of year (here). The year before that I was like… DUE pregnant hehe, and we did our photos at The Nest Wedding Venue, here.  And just for kicks you can see our really old shoots from our second and third Christmases together as wittle babies here and here. Our first Christmas is somewhere in my archives on my computer?… but who the heck knows. I will have to try to find those for kicks.

This year I went for nice, but not quite formal. Paul said it’s his favorite overall look yet in our 6 years of shoots. My girl Sydney Grace Beauty did my make-up and I am so pumped about it. I hardly wear make-up in my day to day, so I wanted something soft and sweet but still glammed up. Every step of the way she would stop and ask if it was going the right direction for me and made sure it wasn’t “too much.” Seriously, she is SO TALENTED. She is in the McKinney area, and I can’t suggest her enough. Ask her to sing for you, too. 😉

For my dress, I went with a long dusty rose satin gown *only $51!* and put all my boys in blacks and creams. I guess the bonus of being outnumbered by boys in this household is I can be in any color I want for photos to pop. 😉 I am obsessed with this dress and have it paired with my Marc Fisher booties I bought during the Nordstrom Anni Sale, but could go great with heels and sneakers just as well.

My Bootie: 

Because I figure you might be frantically running around trying to nail down your holiday looks before pictures, I wanted to go ahead and share links to our full outfits this year so that I could help you nail down your family photo looks! I will share our full shoot with @cottonwoodroadphotography soon, but until then, here’s links below to grab the look ahead of time! See our BTS video here. 

Knox’s outfit is from Zara and can’t be linked! Here and Here

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