Today’s post is by Carleigh, and I am so grateful for her willingness to be open about her experience with counseling. I personally have also seen the power of counseling for personal breakthrough and freedom, and I can’t encourage you enough to see one yourself. There is no shame in seeking health of any kind. Nobody questions fixing a broken wrist or an off-set jaw. Nobody thinks twice about seeing a doctor when you have a cold or the flu. We are here to use this platform to shed light on something that IS NOT SCARY despite what the world has made us believe. To shed light on something that brings hope, beckons freedom, and can change your life. No matter how healthy or heavy you are in this season, I hope you are as blessed by Carleigh’s vulnerability as I am. I hope you see the benefit in seeing someone who can help you process what you are feeling and facing. There are seasons for seeing a counselor weekly and others where, like annual or quarterly check-ups, you maybe just need one once a month or every other. You and your counselor can decide together! xoxo, Hannah 

Happy Thursday, friends. Carleigh here. Today I want to talk about a topic that is very personal to me: counseling. While the topic of mental health is getting more attention and becoming more common to talk about today, I would say that there is definitely still a lot of shame and uncomfortableness around the subject. But I wanna shine a big ‘ole spotlight on counseling and say “This thing is awesome!! Everyone should do it!!”  Since there’s not one perfect person in this world, we could all use a little help… and that’s exactly what counseling is for. 

I chose to go to counseling, because I pretty much reached a breaking point in my life where I couldn’t do anything, felt lower than I ever had, and was having panic attacks that I couldn’t get a handle on. I was isolating myself more and more, and never felt like doing anything. It put a strain on pretty much every aspect of my life. I didn’t really understand what was happening to me, but I could see how it was negatively affecting my life in ways I wasn’t okay with and I wanted it to change. I ended up being diagnosed with anxiety and depression by my counselor, and part of my time in counseling was spent trying to understand what those things even meant. I needed someone to explain to me what those illnesses were and connect them to how I was feeling. I also knew that I wanted to get better, both for myself and for those around me, and I knew that I couldn’t get there by myself.  

If you think you’re ready to talk to someone but have zero clue where to begin, I get it. It’s scary enough to talk about the hard stuff, and finding the right person that you can trust with the hard stuff is almost enough to make you not want to do it. My advice is this:

1. Find someone that you feel comfortable talking to. Only you can decide who that person is. Start by asking around if you’re comfortable with that. Ask a friend or anyone you know that has experience with counseling if they can recommend someone. Ask your church if they know of a local counselor or if they have a program themselves. If you don’t want to ask anyone you know, just google counselors in your area! While there is nothing wrong with going to counseling, it’s understandable if you don’t exactly want to run around advertising that you’re looking into it. For me, I wanted someone that was a professional, qualified to help me, and that I wouldn’t run into at the grocery store. That is what I needed, but it may not necessarily be what you need.
2. Give it a chance and some time. Once you find someone, just go and try it out. If you don’t feel comfortable with that person, find somebody else! Keep searching until you find someone that you trust will help you in the way you need.
3. Study the difference between psychologist, therapist, and counselor. There are some different approaches, and depending on what you think you need, one may be a better fit for you than the other. Biblical counseling is a great place to start, but a licensed Mental Health Counselor also has the education and ability to diagnose and assist medically as well.

If it feels like you’re the only one that is going through something or needs help, let me lovingly tell you that you’re wrong. I have been there, and so have so many others. If walking into a counselor’s office is a scary start, then begin with a mentor who can direct you toward a counselor as you feel more ready. But, if we can encourage you in anything, start talking TODAY. Remove the duct tape that has covered your mouth in fear and start talking with someone you trust. Counseling is a wonderful thing that has changed my life for the better, and I’ll shout that from the rooftops if it encourages someone to give it a chance. Take care of yourself friends, you deserve it.

xoxo,

Carleigh

Whether you’re 21 and looking for that first big break out of college or 41 getting closer than ever to that dream corner office, we all have a picture of “the dream job” in our heads. At 20, my dream was Today Show, New York City, and being besties with Kathie Lee. Then, as I realized my dreams were changing a little and that I wanted to get married straight out of college, things shifted in my head and heart, and I graduated feeling like… Well, everything I dreamed of for the last decade of my life isn’t my dream anymore. So, now what?

Today, I want to piggy back a bit on yesterday’s post with focusing on some tips to landing the dream job. Whether entrepreneurial at heart or dreaming of corporate America, these tips from myself and Carleigh will hopefully help you and put some drive in your heart and push those dreams to the forefront of your mind!

1. PRAY about it. If you don’t know what your dream job is like I found myself feeling, ask God to show you what your passions are and how He wants you to use them. If you do know what your dream job is, ask God to open doors to opportunities and make them clear to you.

2. Be brave. Reach out to your dream company or person you want to work for. The last 7 years, I (Hannah) have sent more emails than I even could count to brands that seemed outrageous to work with and people that seemed bonkers to ask to meet with, but yeses came and doors have opened. Above all, I have lived by the scripture “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe you have received it and it will be yours.” I walk forward confidently knowing I have gone to God in prayer and will chase the dreams in my heart until they are removed or fulfilled. The worst that can happen is the desires of your heart change, a door closes, or you get a “no.” Write that email, take the leap to go into business for yourself. Whatever it is, it’s not going to happen unless you fight for it and take action.

3. Prepare. Are you qualified for your dream job? If not, take the steps to qualify yourself. Get the degree or certification. Take the online workshops. Build connections within that world to get your name out there and learn everything you can. Become the best at whatever it is so that you CAN land that dream job and make that dream life happen.

I literally worked 5 grueling years in the Dallas Start-Up world before settling into (and feeling prepared for!) what I actually wanted to do.

4. Be patient. It may not happen overnight, and that’s okay. Don’t compare where you are to anyone else. Keep working towards your dream and trust that it’ll happen in the right time.

5. Work hard. When you do get that dream job, put your all into it. Be available, do the extra work, and always say yes to opportunities. You will find a rhythm that works and things will pan out. Even still, 4 years into running The Cake, I am constantly learning (I watched Youtube tutorials for editing just last night for hours!!!), constantly asking for help, and always looking for ways to get better and make my brand better. The blog, our media company- all of it- is where it is because we worked hard, applied all experiences we’ve had (good and bad!), and were bold.

6. Take anything you can get without compromising the dream.  When you’re 21, you’re not going to be lead anchor of Today. But you could be an intern writing scripts. You aren’t above any job that will teach you skills. Also, if you are in a place you have no idea what you want to do- get a fun job that allows you the creative space to build something while figuring it out. Ex: I worked at a Pure Barre while I built up The Cake blog. Figure out ways to pay the bills while pouring majority of your energy into the dream.

One thing I wish I did differently: As 27 year old Hannah, I wish I could tell early 20-something Hannah to serve the job she’s in faithfully, even when it doesn’t “deserve it.” I had a couple situations I felt wronged, but rather than proving my work ethic DESPITE the situation, I stopped caring. I wish I could change that, and it’s something I want to encourage you in. Your character isn’t swayed by anybody but YOU. Honor, respect, integrity- these are all up to you (even when our flesh doesn’t want to give it!). 

Hey y’all. Today, I’m challenging myself to open up with you and talk about a time in my life when things were really, really hard with the hope that it will resonate with at least one of you. If you’re coming up on graduating from college, have recently graduated from college, or are close to someone that’s in that situation, then this post is for you!

I graduated college in 2016 from the University of North Texas. Exactly 2 weeks after I graduated, I got married. About 2 weeks after we returned from our honeymoon, I interviewed for and was offered my first big-girl job. We moved into our first home together and I was truly on my own in the real world for the first time. Y’all… that was A LOT of significant life changes in a matter of a month. Now don’t get me wrong, those are all wonderful things, and I’m not complaining. But even wonderful things in life, especially things that involve significant change, can overwhelm us. For me though, part of the issue was that I had no idea that I was becoming overwhelmed. That may sound weird, but I thought because all these great things were happening in my life that I was doing great. But I wasn’t. Slowly but surely, life was catching up with me and I had no idea. 

Consider this post a PSA for all of you in those situations I mentioned at the beginning. If any of this is sounding familiar so far, or even if you’re doing okay but are simply unsure of what is next, I hope this helps you in some way and makes you feel less alone. I want to validate all of the things you may be going through, help you recognize them in your own life, and give you advice on how to get through them more easily.

1. College itself can take a toll on you. It’s a “go go go” atmosphere where everyone is fighting for the finish line (aka graduation) and constantly thinking about and planning for the future. That alone is enough for you to decompress from. Once you’re done, take a breath. You just finished something significant, and you should give yourself some time to pause, process, and rest after all your hard work. In the moment this seems like a waste of time because you’re now running a new race to find a job. But trust me, it’s worth it. Take some time before you start serious job searching, go on a trip, or if you’re already in the works of getting a job, see if you can set a start date that will give you some time to rest beforehand. 
2. As you’re in that process of looking for a job, give yourself grace. If you need time to figure out what you actually want to do, take it. Jobs will always be there. If you don’t get those first jobs you apply for or interview for, that is okay. If you suddenly feel the desire to pursue something that is completely unrelated to what you just got a degree in, THAT IS OKAY. I feel like I gotta say that louder for the people in the back. Friends, I work for Hannah, which by the way is my dream job and what I truly believe I was meant to do, and I have two degrees in education. Talk about taking a different path, ha! Give yourself permission to do what is best for you. Pray that God will reveal his will to you, and trust that He will provide for you. Try your hardest to not look around and compare yourself to all the other people out there that seem to be getting their dream jobs straight out of college. Keep your eyes focused on your own path, and give yourself grace in the process.
3. Talk through it. Validate to yourself that this is a very significant and potentially difficult transition in your life, and talk about it when it gets hard. Let me quickly wrap up my story for you here. A couple months after all those big changes I mentioned earlier, I started that first big-girl job as a teacher. It was hard, and I learned quickly that it was not for me. I felt stuck, and that feeling combined with all the change that was catching up with me that I hadn’t processed yet… clobbered me. I ended up leaving that job before the school year ended (which is kind of a big deal in teaching), and didn’t talk to a single soul about it for weeks because I was so embarrassed. I had developed severe anxiety and depression, and I felt crazy, weak, and like a failure. My mom had convinced me to go to counseling around this time, but it took awhile for me to even open up there. But once I did start to open up, it got better. I forced myself to keep talking through it, and I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t. Now I’m not saying that what happened to me is going to happen to you, but when things do start to get difficult, talking about it with those closest to you will help you deal with it and move forward and not bottle it up. Whether it’s a parent, friend, spouse, mentor, or whoever else, find someone that you trust that you can vent to and confide in when things get overwhelming.

I want to end on a lighter note here, and say that while this chapter of life can be really hard, it can also be a lot of fun! I want to validate the feelings that come from the hard stuff, tell you that it’s okay to feel that way, and then encourage you to keep moving forward and also look for the good stuff. Your 20’s are a time when anything is possible. Let yourself dream, play as hard as you work, make memories, build a family and/or a career, and soak it all in. We’re right here with you trying to do the same every day.

xoxo,

Carleigh