January’s Favorite Five

Hello and WHOA! We are half way through January?! I hope this month has been refreshing and life-giving for you as you’ve pressed “restart” on your routines and getting back into the swing of life post-holidays. Today I have a list of my favorite five items I am using in my life that I think you’ll love, too!

  1. Against All Grain, Meals Made Simple: I love Danielle Walker and have slowly added all of her cookbooks to my shelves. She has great allergy-friendly family meals for us to make that everybody loves, and this cookbook in particular is family-friendly and QUICK.
  2. Cusinart 15 pc. Knives Set: We’ve needed new knives for ages, but I haven’t wanted to spend $500 on a “good” set. I have kept coming back to this one though, because the amount of reviews is mind-blowing for the star rating it has earned! I bought them and LOVE them. I cut through a large carrot the other day and had forgotten this is what it is supposed to feel like cutting vegetables.
  3. Foam Activity Set: We bought this for Rory for Christmas and it’s the best thing we have for the boys to play with currently. It basically just stays in my living room right now because they play with it all day together. We build castles, we build ramps and drive our bikes off of it… it’s the best.
  4. Studio Mcgee x Threshold Artwork for Living Room: I have been so afraid to hang things on my walls out of fear there’s something else out there I would love more. Sorta like #fomo but for home decor? But I am starting to commit and hang things to fill the walls of my home! I found these two pieces from Target in the Studio Mcgee line and I love them. They added so much to my living space for such great prices!
  5. Matte Liquid Lipstick: Without fail, any time I wear this lip color, I will get asked what I have on. It’s so beautiful and it goes on easily + smudge-free! You can’t go wrong with any of the shades, but I own

Monthly Review of 2021

Dang, so 2021. Coming to a close. How’s your heart doing? Though I faced overwhelming depths of grief in 2021 that I sincerely never thought would be part of my story with the loss of my daughter Blakely, I still somehow have such incredible memories from the year. When I think of 2021, I somehow still smile and have happy thoughts. I have learned such a lesson in life the last couple of years that joy and grief co-exist, and that it’s okay to be both okay and not okay. I think we can get so hung up on one or the other that we miss opportunities in the spaces in between.

As a way to celebrate the year, I wanted to share something from every month *some things are surprises you guys don’t know anything about* simply because I would love to share it all with you. The good, the bad, and the spaces in between.

January: We kicked off our year excited and hopeful. We had just pressed “go” on the year long process to launch a church with our network ARC, and everything we did was looking ahead to September. We had a lot of “firsts” and January was our first launch team gathering. We are just so grateful.

February: I went to Disney with my best friends for the first time in my life. I truly have no words for it except that I am so freaking thankful I have such amazing women in my life. I can’t wait to go back with all my boys. Also, how many women do you know who have a group of 8 best friends they can legit travel with and come home loving one another just as much (if not more!)? We have something so unique and I just can’t believe I get to call all of these incredible women my best friends.

March: We started Interest Gatherings for Cadence in March and I, unknowingly at the time, began meeting some of the people who have now become dear friends to us. I remember walking outside and seeing these marquee lights spelling out “Cadence” for the first time and it took my breath away a little. Ten years of dreaming and this moment made it feel like we were truly launching a church. It was the first time we did something for the public and it was so scary – you have no idea what to expect – but wow, what an incredible first step into our calling.

April: Okay, so this one is a surprise/secret I have kept. In April, I had a dream opportunity arise with a well-known publisher. Basically, my dream book deal was handed on a silver platter to me by an acquisitions editor who had been told about me and spent months watching my Instagram and emails to see if I was a fit (WHAT?!) I still had to write a pitch worthwhile for the publisher… but, the initial first steps were eliminated and I had a publisher seeking ME out. It still makes me both smile and shiver with shock to be honest. I began working on my pitch, praying about what I wanted to write, and spent the next few months exploring the world of publishing, which has always been my long-term goal. Did you know I was a creative writing minor in college?! All this to say, my dream was put on the back burner a bit at first when I shockingly found out in June I was pregnant and spent my days just trying not to puke, and then fully so when I lost Blakely in August. The creativity in me was completely diminished for a season while I grieved. However… the dream and my creativity has been reignited somewhat within me and is rolling again. I have a unique idea for a book that I am truly thrilled about. I hope to see this dream come to life in 2022 and it feels fun to just finally get to share this with y’all. I have been scared to share about this because I feared failure. What if I never wrote a pitch worth them signing me on for? But, I am here sharing because regardless of when or IF I ever finish the book, I still had a dream come true in April and I want to celebrate that.

May: We FINALLY (4 months late…) moved into our home. A whole year after signing to build, I got to move into the home I designed every little nook and cranny of. It’s so surreal still and I think we say (no joke) daily, “Can you believe we get to live here?” I sincerely loved the building process, though it was delayed and a few frustrating moments, it was in general so fun and has already proven to be a great investment. Don’t let people scare you out of building – we had a blast! Paul and I never fought about it as so many try to convince you will happen if you build a home and we just really did enjoy the process whole heartedly!

June: I celebrated my 29th birthday in June, and then found out at the end of the month I was VERY shockingly 6 weeks pregnant. I mean, it was truly a shock. I laid on the floor for an hour when I saw two pink lines show on the stick that I literally only took just to tell the doctor I knew I wasn’t pregnant when I set my appointment up for how sick I had been feeling lately. I just figured it was a food allergy thing and that I needed to do a re-set. We were thrilled, though it felt crazy to be doing this in the middle of planting a church. I knew God was up to something and I had specifically prayed that if I ever got pregnant again I would need him to do it as a surprise. I had also prayed months before for the surprise to be my daughter I longed for. As per usual, God flexed and did His thing.

July: We were diving into our new community at our new home and I was writing portions of my book pitch in the rare moments I got alone/didn’t feel nauseous. At the end of the month we went on a trip to Alabama for our church planting network with our staff. I had just taken the blood work test a week or so before to find out the gender of our surprise baby, and I had asked God to somehow miraculously get us the results early. He did, but in a way I didn’t expect Him to. While in Alabama, I began cramping so incredibly bad and my stomach was swelling up (although, I just thought I was starting to pop early), and by the end of day 2 I was concerned. I couldn’t even sit without wincing from pain. Then, as we walked into dinner with our team I knew I was bleeding. I ran to the bathroom to find blood everywhere and immediately began to weep. We rushed to the ER where we waited to be seen, my heart racing and the fear setting in that I surely lost my baby. As we went back with the sonographer, we could tell she was a believer and turns out she went to the church we were attending for the church planting conference. We were missing out on a prayer night, but we ended up having our own in a way with her in that room as she grabbed images of our baby and prayed over us, praying the bleeding would cease. It still makes me cry. She told us *though she wasn’t supposed to* that she saw a hematoma and the doctor would tell us more about it. She also asked if we wanted to know the gender early to which I nearly bounced off the table with a “YES!” She let me know what my heart already knew, and I was pregnant with my daughter I had ached and prayed for. *I took this video for a collaboration I had booked pre-bed rest with Red Dress Boutique and you can see how swollen my belly was. Below is a photo I took from our hotel room before going to dinner just before I began bleeding. I sent it to my friends saying “look how much I popped!” but also asking for prayer for my cramping.

August: I was put on bedrest for two weeks minimum and somehow… we all managed to catch COVID. My entire family sat in bed for two weeks basically waiting and watching, praying for a miracle, and blowing our noses. I had been told once I got back from Alabama to see my own midwife that I had a severe hematoma, and that while most women carry full term perfect babies with a SCH… I was a risky case at 5 CM. On August 10th, I went into labor with my surprise Blakely Amelia and delivered her at 14 weeks. I held her perfect hands, toes, and sweet tiny body for hours. I know there is purpose and beauty that comes from all pain. God doesn’t create pain, but only HE can make good from our pain. The greatest mystery of God is that in His sovereignty He doesn’t choose to take away or snap His fingers and make our pain right every time. He chooses sometimes not to heal or save or answer our prayers how we want them to be. But I also know He is so very good. It’s the greatest confusing mystery that I can only find peace in when I recognize God is God and He is always good … even when I cannot make sense of it. I know Blakely’s life has purpose. Her life answered prayers I have prayed for 5 years. Her life reassured me, staring into her perfect face and seeing her heart and ribcage through her delicate skin, just how real life in our womb is. I will boldly and proudly scream it from the rooftops, and I have a conviction deeper than ever before that it is true. A baby is a baby, whether planned for or wanted. I have such a passion now for helping women and their babies through unexpected pregnancies.


September: What a month. One month postpartum of a miscarriage AND launch month. The very thing we had been working toward since the previous October. At moments, it felt impossible while at others I was grateful for the distraction. We brought home our new puppy Dolly this month, which (mostly for Paul) is still a toss up if this was a blessing or a curse… lol. (Mostly kidding) The week after launch, Paul was in a pretty bad car accident that, praise God, he walked away from, but it nearly totaled our brand new black 4 Runner (which is still in the shop!) I also faced unbelievable loss personally outside of my daughter that I can’t really talk about, but I had to draw difficult lines with people I love deeply and the grief at times kept me on the floor gasping for air. Grief is wild, because as you must somehow pick back up the shattered pieces of your life as you thought it’d be… others are living their lives. And worse… Happily. You look around you as people pass by and it literally feels like slow motion. How dare them be happy. Don’t they know I lost my daughter? Don’t they know I have people I love but can’t talk to? Of course they don’t. They have no idea. It’s the weirdest thing, trying to live life again as others don’t even know that getting out of the house that day was in and of itself a difficult victory. September 19th came and we launched Cadence Church. It was perfect. It was a dream fulfilled, and then also the realization that this one day we had dreamt of was just one Sunday of thousands more to come. It was thrilling. I am so grateful for Cadence. I am grateful for the way it, in some ways, saved me in the midst of grief. I am grateful the people who call it their home. I am grateful that we are already making a difference in the lives of those in our community as well as the city we are in. September taught me, truly, that I can do anything by Christ’s strength because it is LITERALLY the only explanation for how I made it through with joy and faith still in tact.

October: Life has begun to feel somewhat normal again, whatever that means. Grief had its days, but in general less of them. I think October taught me it’s okay to feel “okay” after grief, though still very real and painful. It’s funny, when I was barely 2 months post-loss, it felt somewhat like pregnancy with Blakely was years ago yet in the same breath still a bleeding wound. If you find yourself in the middle of grief, I hope me sharing this timeline but specifically about this month, can encourage you. Take each passing day as it comes – whatever it looks like. And see a counselor. I say that a lot … but I mean it. Having a counselor has at times saved my marriage through very difficult seasons and decisions we needed to make, and it also has saved me. Arguably, counseling has brought me back. Below is just a random October night with my boys where I remember thinking, “Life is as it should be again.”

November: My favorite time of year! In November, the notable moment to me was I drove for the first time in 4 years further than 45 minutes away from my home. I had PP OCD and anxiety after Knox’s birth and I suffered a HORRIBLE panic attack alone on a drive to San Antonio with my 6 month old baby while Paul was completely off the grid somewhere in Africa. This felt like such a victory, driving to see my family again now with two babies in tow, and I felt like it was a significant moment for me. I felt nauseous most of my drive from how nervous I was. But I did it. I drove down to see my sweet grandpa in the hospital and it was worth the battle. I wrote more about here on my IG.

December: Alas, we’ve made it. 2021 was … well, kinda wild, huh? This holiday season hasn’t been easy. The painful relational lines of September exist still, and I had to grieve that along with the constant reminder I should have been almost 8 months pregnant with Blakely this Christmas. Yet, I sit here and smile. There’s so much to be so thankful for. I have had such a fun year, full of laughter, travel, and so much fun. So many new things. So many fun adventures with our boys. I am so grateful for our health. I am grateful for my boys and my husband. I am grateful for my best friends. I am grateful that if I lost everything, I truly have it all in Jesus and with my boys by my side. Yesterday we celebrated Christmas alone at home. Literally, just us. Things panned out to allow us this opportunity and we took it. We watched movies all day long, napped on the couch to The Christmas Story, and played with our new toys all day, ending with a delicious meal of steak, vegetables, artichokes, and sweet potatoes. It was unanimously our best Christmas yet.

In closing: God has been so good to us. I cry just thinking about the sweet gifts of this year. I feel the gifts He’s sent our way are truly extra special and intentional in the midst of the grief we have faced. If you allow yourself to see it in this light, you can see how sweet the Lord is in our pain- yours and mine. Maybe that relationship or prayer didn’t unfold how you hoped it would- I would have never prayed or asked for me to lose my daughter- and that can make you feel forgotten or overlooked by God. But, friend, look at all the ways God showed up and protected you even in your unwelcomed circumstances. I can see his protection even in the Labor and Delivery room as I lost my baby. I can see it in the sweet friendships I have that feel like family. In November, Paul drove up to our home around 8:45 PM after he stayed long at a men’s event for the church to find a man watching me from a ladder in our living room. Our brand new living room we had prayed over and asked God’s protection over. Having a peeping Tom in our “safe” space didn’t exactly feel like God protecting us. But the truth is, HE DID. People are evil and people have free will to do bad things. We live in a fallen world and subchorionic hematomas exist – God in His perfection didn’t create these. Division over politics and health choices exist because the devil who is fighting for people to be divided exists. But God is sovereign over it all, and I trust him with the gaps that sin has created. He promises us a place of no more tears or suffering in Heaven and that is the hope I cling to on this side. What I am trying to say here is, God didn’t have a peeping Tom come look at me and violate my privacy in my safe space. That’s obvious. But, had Paul not stayed longer at Top Golf that night, he would have never driven up at the exact right time to catch the man who was watching me (for who knows how long or how many times) to follow him and get his license plate, call the cops, and ultimately protect our home longterm. God ordained Paul’s steps perfectly to truly protect us. You following me?

God is so good. He is in every detail. I am so thankful. I surrender every ounce of pain at his feet and send up prayers of gratitude for the blessings I see all around me. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, y’all. I can’t wait to see what 2022 brings for us.

My Loss & Subchorionic Hemorrhage

I miscarried my daughter, Blakely Amelia, just shy of 14 weeks. We found out she was a girl during an emergency room trip while in Alabama for a conference when I was 11.5 weeks. I had prayed earlier that day for a miracle and that God would somehow get our genetic testing results early, because I just couldn’t wait. I just knew this was it. I knew it was my daughter. And though I didn’t expect it to be from an ER trip, I got to learn about my daughter earlier than expected from my sonogram there. Our sweet sonographer asked us if we wanted to know and said she was about 85% certain she could tell us.

My SCH was discovered that night and I scheduled an appointment for the morning I got back to Texas. Like, literally we drove in and got home at 2:30 AM and I was at my doctor’s office at 8:30. I had never heard of these and, to be honest, it was difficult to find much information on them. If anything, I wanted to share this post to first and foremost share a bit more about my time and loss with Blakely. Second, if this can be a resource for women in the future, I hope it helps. Let me start this by saying MOST often, a SCH will heal itself and moms deliver perfect babies with these. Unfortunately I had a very large one and it couldn’t heal itself.

Blakely

Blakely was 10000% a surprise. We were not trying and actively so… ha. God truly wanted us to have her in this exact time and season for some reason. And to be honest, it is even more so hurtful and confusing after having lost her knowing how much of a miracle it was that we conceived her. But I know there is purpose in this pain. I trust God with it. I had told God after Rory if He wanted me to be pregnant again, it would have to be a shock because I was too scared to try again. I expressed my deep desires for a daughter once more and let Him be in charge. Boy, did He shock us. We have joked since this pregnancy that I have seriously got to start being more clear in my prayers about timelines because God always delivers exactly as I ask. Of course, God is in charge and does as He pleases. But, man, he really does hear us.

What is a subchorionic hemorrhage?

Essentially, in the easiest words, your placenta and uterus pull apart in a spot and cause a clot to form. Sorta like a scab holding the two together until, hopefully, it heals and binds back together. Mine was 5 cm at the bottom of my uterus just over my cervix. There is no true cause of this, nothing you did nor can do. Some believe it’s caused by when an egg fertilizes on top of a previously fertilized area in your uterus. Regardless, your body deals with it as it pleases, essentially. I was on bed rest to help all that I could and so that, mentally, if I did miscarry, my doctor told me I would know that I know it wasn’t me and I wouldn’t carry that weight of false guilt. Many women have pleasant, perfect full-term pregnancies with these and it’s not a grave diagnosis. In fact, most often, it isn’t one. SCH is pretty rare but not necessarily a bad ending, just high risk. I held onto that hope for the next two weeks after. I am not a doctor, so take these numbers lightly, but it’s what I found while researching my own. I found in my grief that I needed to understand it better. Statistically, a study of 64k pregnancies, only about 2% had SCH. Another study that focused solely on SCH said about 30% of SCH end in a miscarriage.

So, again, please if you find this and have recently been diagnosed, I am hopeful for you. This doesn’t have to end like mine did. In fact, statistics lend themself to say you won’t have my experience and I pray you do not.

What to expect with a SCH

For mine, I bled significantly my first bleed. Leading up to my bleed, I felt sick and uncomfortable all day. My tummy was also extremely swollen, something I didn’t fully realize until after the fact. I was at a 3 day conference, day 2, and couldn’t sit straight. It felt somewhat like early labor pains. I was miserably uncomfortable but thought it was round ligament pain. I was having light headedness and was coming in and out of what felt like “out of body” experiences. That evening, we arrived at a restaurant and walking in I could feel something wasn’t right and I ran to the bathroom immediately to find I had bled everywhere. At this point, I assumed the worst and thought I had miscarried then. My husband had to come into the women’s restroom with me to try to clean up what we could and walked me out to the car, all done in a favorite white dress… ugh. It just made everything so obvious and horrifying. We called my midwife out of state and she, too, prepared my heart that it was likely either a miscarriage or COULD be a subchorionic hemorrhage, but that my 8 week scan didn’t show signs of one as it normally would. The trip to the ER confirmed my baby was bouncing around and healthy, but I did in fact have a large SCH.

From here, I saw my midwife the day I returned home, learned about the size of my hemorrhage *also called hematoma* and started fighting physically and in the spiritual realm for my daughter. My sonogram that morning also confirmed a girl, and then my midwife let me know my genetic testing had come in the day before and I was in fact pregnant with a little girl. I had prayed for this moment for 3 years and I immediately knew it was my Blakely Amelia whom I prayed for by name since 2018. I didn’t expect my time with her to be so short, but I am so abundantly thankful God gave us our gender early to be able to dream and celebrate her as long as we got.

Though, it did feel cruel when I lost her and part of me wished I had never known, I know there is purpose and significance in this for having known it was her. And I keep asking God to heal the pieces of my heart that are wounded from the confusing loss of such a dream.

The miscarriage

I will be bluntly honest that I just had no idea what actually happens in a miscarriage. Truly not a clue, and I now have such a greater depth of heartache for moms I know who have also lost babies, whether at 4 weeks or 14+. I had only bled in the two weeks of knowing about my hematoma that once in Alabama. I felt excited that I wasn’t bleeding more and saw it as a good thing *which it was, to be fair*.

In the middle of my bed rest from the hematoma, my entire family actually came down with COVID to top this whole experience off. We were stuck at home, me on bed rest, and all of us piled into one bed soaking up every moment together in between sniffles and snot. My loss has absolutely Z E R O connection to COVID and to be honest, our experience was that of a cold/flu. We lost our taste and smell for a bit but already it’s come back almost fully. I recognize this isn’t the case for everybody, but it was our experience (as well as my many friends who have now had it) and I am grateful to now have a natural boosted immunity and antibodies for it in our home before the fall/winter months. We chose to do only a steroid (I only took it for 3 days) and vitamins, and by day 8 were doing great. I was prescribed Ivermectin but chose against it with my doctor as there just wasn’t enough information on it for pregnancy.

Just as I was starting to get over COVID, I began bleeding again. It was like from one thing to the next and back again. It appeared to be a “good” shade of blood and like my hematoma was actually healing and releasing itself out of my cervix rather than absorbing simply because my body saw it was easier to release it being so close to an “exit.” And so, I began the process of what we believe was my hematoma healing. But, I wasn’t allowed to go into my OB’s office again to check yet, having only just hit day 10 from symptoms, as their policy required 10 days post-positive test. I was stuck at home and had to wait and pray. Or if I needed to, I could go to the ER but had to tell them I was likely still COVID positive on a test… I didn’t want to endure that so I stayed home. The hope was my body would release the clots and that my tear was ultimately fixed.

Long story short, my body went into labor two days after beginning to bleed again. It appears my body was tricked into believing, due to the large amount of blood leaving my body, that it needed to dilate. Thus, sending my body into active labor. Having been in active labor twice before now, I knew at this point it was time to go to the hospital. Sparing details, the clots and bleeding changed significantly and it was clear something was happening. But, even still, though terrified and wailing from pain, I truly thought I would show up, get my contractions sedated, maybe stay over night to be monitored, and head home. A miscarriage was a slight fear but still nowhere on my realistic radar.

Unfortunately, when I walked into Labor and Delivery, I delivered my daughter right there as I tried to quickly check in. In my SCH case, I had to dilate too much to rid my body of the “bad” that it unfortunately got rid of the good, too. We got to spend time with our daughter in a private recovery room as long as we wanted. I also had to have blood tests and deliver the placenta, which thankfully came out on its own without surgery. I held my 13 week 3 day baby in my hands for hours, enjoying time and mourning our loss of her. I saw full hands, legs, feet, eyes, and a perfect tiny body made in the image of God. I knew I believed life began in the womb, but now more than ever I know what life in my tummy actually looks like. And it’s a baby. A full, tiny human.

I wanted to share my story, partly to connect with other mommies who have lost their child, partly to answer the questions you’ve had, and partly as part of my grieving process. I have spent the last 8 weeks dreaming of the day I got to share with all of you about Blakely and all the fun things that happened while in my first trimester. And, because I believe she is my daughter and her life was woven in my womb by the Lord, I want to still share about her and her story. Even though it hurts, even though I am still so sad and shocked, talking about my story and experience is healing.

I posted this in my stories yesterday, and it seemed to help so many of you understand your own grief and loss. So, I want it to live on here as well to help others as they navigate their own loss.

“The gap between an answered prayer and the way it unfolds sometimes will never fully be graspable on this side of Heaven. I believe Blakely was such an answered prayer. God shocked us with her just as I had asked Him to. Loss and heartache exist because we live in a broken world. My placenta and uterus came apart with no explanation other than that of I live in an imperfect body in an imperfect world. But I worship the Lord because I have seen Him in my answered prayers and I have seen Him in my mourning. And I know He always gets the final say, the final victory, and all the glory. I choose to worship Him, even when it hurts, because it’s all I know to do.”

Friend, if you have lost a baby, I am so sorry. I am so sorry you have experienced such depths of heartache. No mother should have to say goodbye to their child in a blanket in their lap at the hospital. No mother should have to bury their baby. No mother should have to choose what steps to take next for their now deceased child. These things are part of what God promises us will be no more in Heaven. No more hurt, tears, pain or loss. A perfect, renewed, restored body in a state of perfection. I so look forward to that day I enter into Heaven and see my sweet girl. I imagine she, like my boys, has bright blonde hair with subtle curls and big blue eyes. I long for the day to see her.

Thank you for loving our family through this time. We’ve found ourself in the midst of such grief thanking God for the amazing outpouring of kindness we’ve experienced these last few days. I also recognize how, even in the middle of losing Blakely, the Lord was so near. Our nurses were so kind. There was not a single bed for me and I begged them not to send me away, and they created a makeshift room for me in L&D. They soothed us, cared for us, and literally cried with us. When I left, I was truly hugged with sorrow, empathy, and compassion. I am forever grateful for them. They honored us and our loss, and most importantly honored my daughter as a LIFE.

A Summer Soiree at Home

My 29th birthday party was intentionally a tiny gathering with the girls who truly carried me through the last year. It was the most difficult year, full of heartache and disappointments, and yet I actually somehow had one of my favorite years even still. It was 100% because of the women I call my best friends. I don’t take it lightly that I am blessed with a genuine group of women who seriously love each other equally. We fight for one another, love our differences, and not only embrace these differences but actively learn about them to better our friendships. If there’s a personality test, we’ve all done it [most likely together] and discussed it for hours, later using it as as a tool in our toolbox for things that arise between us as we ARE all so different.

To celebrate the girls who made what should have been an awful year not only bearable but a blast, I honored THEM with a special dinner. I told them to wear a dress that makes them feel like a goddess in the blush/cream or floral aesthetic and to come ready for a secret garden inspired soiree. Originally envisioned as a dinner party under the stars, Texas decided to be unbearably hot after weeks of unseasonably cool temperatures, so I moved it inside. We all looked too beautiful to die of heat stroke 😉 I knew I wanted good food, a table that seated us all comfortably, a lot of flowers, and a variety of our favorite bottles of wine. We had Etta James ringing in the background all night long and it felt like we lived in a different time for just a night.

I wrote a toast to each girl, celebrating the thing they taught me through the year of heartache that I truly see in them. None of it was blowing smoke or needing to come up with something to live up to the rest… it’s incredible who God has surrounded me with. They all are the most beautiful women, inside-out. Writing a toast to each of them was so easy. I wept my way around the table, cheers-ing a toast to each as we all nodded and cried in agreement. These women walked a similar path this year in some respects, all of us have a bond over a life change we didn’t ask for but knew had to happen. But, we also have women who lost another baby and then got pregnant with a rainbow. We have women who lost friends and family. We have women who have struggled with deep anxiety because of autoimmune diseases but confidently champion others regardless of what’s happening behind closed doors. We have women who are infectious about what they love, inherently making everybody love it, too. We have women who are so selfless they make sure everybody else is having a great time even if they need help themselves. We have women who can literally talk to anybody, anywhere and connect with them as though they’ve been lifelong friends, and it always somehow ends with a conversation about God. We have women who teach us that confrontation isn’t a bad thing and is actually a great tool to resolve peace in our lives.

I could go on and on, and sadly there were a few of the people in my life who couldn’t make it this night. But dang, I am so lucky. This goes down in the books as my favorite birthday party ever. It was so special, intimate, and just felt like me. Paul stood in the kitchen as we all were about to eat and he said, “wow, this is so you.” It felt magical!

For my secret garden soiree, I used the following vendors:

The Styled Affair: Farmhouse table and table setting (8-10 seats)

Unrefined Bakery: Raspberry Lemon Cake with Sprinkles added on top

Caterer: Paul Morrison (hehe) But honestly… Y’all. Traeger has changed our life. My husband cooked our entire spread of salmon, chicken, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, and grilled pineapple. And it was THE best. The girls said it was arguably the best chicken they’ve ever had. IF you’ve ever considered buying a Traeger… do it. I mean it. Do it. (We have our Traeger Grill Shop, here!)

Costco: 4 bouquets of roses – wholesale price and BEAUTIFUL! I have used Costco florist for multiple big events in my life and they never disappoint!

Dress: Vici Dolls *I bought small with the hopes it wouldn’t be too big (usually an XS in dresses) and it fit GREAT!*

Paper Goods:

I made each girl take a photo with my new camera because they’re just so lovely. I wanted them to leave with a photo of themselves they loved! I mean… can you EVEN with how beautiful they all are?

5 Tips to Make Your Dreams Happen

Alright, so here’s the deal: You have a dream, but you have zero idea how to make it a reality. Sound familiar? You have a business you want to start or a job role you desire, but it all feels overwhelming to begin. Which steps do I take first? It can feel like so much that you find yourself paralyzed with fear and confusion, and you stay stuck in the comfortable routine you’ve been in because… well, frankly, it sounds easier than the work you need to put in to make a life you love.

STOP. BREATHE. LET’S DO THIS. You get ONE life. You have a specific purpose. Your dreams are God-given. Don’t waste any of it!

6 years ago I began blogging and started sharing my life with intentionality on my Instagram and website. I wanted a space to write and loved the idea of growing an authentic community when I lived in the middle of a city at the time that felt anything but. I was an exhausted newlywed working in the start-up fashion industry in the heart of Dallas, and I was unfulfilled to say the least. I knew the pace I was running couldn’t last forever… so, I started to take my life into my own hands. All these years later and I am truly living a dream and multiple businesses under my belt that came to life because of the blog I said “yes” to over Christmas break. Whatever your dream may be, I want the same for you. I want you living a fulfilled life with purpose. 

Practical first steps to see your dream come to life
  1. Write a why statement for the dream/business/end goal. A sentence that encompasses the hopes, goals, and dreams of whatever your business or self-investment may be. And then – you filter absolutely everything you do and every effort you put into it through that. My why statement has morphed over the years as my life has literally changed before my online community’s eyes. But, my current statement is “Finding joy in life, motherhood, and fashion.” This phrase tells you, the audience, that coming to my page/website will *hopefully* help you find joy, mommy and fashion tips, and a glimpse into my overall lifestyle. Yep, that one sentence tells you ALL of that.
  2. Write a list of the practical things you need to do in order to begin!
    If this is starting a business endeavor, start with the basics:
    -File your business as an LLC or DBA depending on what the nature of what you do is
    -Create a website/hire out somebody to design your website (Your site is something you shouldn’t skimp on. If you can’t do it, hire somebody who can.)
    -Reserve any social handles needed (IG/Pinterest/Facebook)
    – Choose 5 pillars for content branding and be sure ALL content strategy stems from these (i.e. when looking at your grid of 9 on Instagram, every single pillar should be subtly shown in one glimpse. You have 2 seconds to captivate somebody and tell them what you’re about!)
  3. Write a list of 50-100 goals for your business and start crossing them off. This means send as many emails as you possibly can and tell everybody about what you’re doing. Somebody knows somebody who knows somebody. No… really. Email the most seemingly achievable collaborations or business mentors and work your way up. I will never forget meeting with Katey McFarlan in my earliest days and she said “start with brands who are at the same place as you and grow together.” That, of course, is most applicable to blogging, but the concept is all the same. My first big contract was with BareMinerals all simply because I created consistent content and tagged them on my photos as the make-up I was actually using at the time.
  4. Pick your colors and 5 words. What words, emotions, and colors do you want people to think of or feel when they come to your page? Do you want whimsical, clean, minimal, warm and inviting, editorial-like, inspirational? You have to know the feelings and stick to them with everything you post, write, execute!
  5. Stop saying you wanna do it…. and just do it. Not to sound harsh, but it’s the truth. You WILL be your greatest road block. Do what makes you happy and make it come to life. Hire a business mentor if it doesn’t come natural to you. Whatever you gotta do… take practical steps daily to make it happen.

Looking for more? you can hire me to help consult your business plans and vision meetings. Email me hannah@cakemedia.org

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