Hannah Morrison

One Year Down

Wow, so it’s officially been one year since I decided to make the move and step into silent ownership of my company as we did a slow roll off entirely over the months to follow. While I don’t at all believe this is the right choice for everybody, I had to do it. The stress and pressure I felt at all times was physically and emotionally withering me away. I wasn’t being the wife or mom I wanted to be, and we knew something had to change. The timing felt ridiculous to back out but we felt the hit we would take personally was worth it for my well-being. And, wow, am I so very glad I did. I stepped away from everything I built and I have never been happier. Because I am built with a business mind (it’s both a blessing and a curse lol) I have found some other outlets to continue providing an income for my family but it just had to look so much different for me. As my company grew, so did I. I began to understand how I was specifically designed, and while others might still thrive as a mom and wife while balancing the pressure of a company and payroll and pleasing clients at all hours of the day, I sure as heck was not. I realized that although I can cast vision and manage a team, it is not what I should operate in primarily. And I built something (on accident) that literally was not good for me and was killing my joy in all areas of life. I have shared this journey openly not because I think women shouldn’t work. No, not what I have said or am I remotely implying. Instead, I have shared my journey because I want to encourage you to say “no” to something if it’s robbing your joy. It is ok to eject from something you even started or have invested so much into if it’s eroding your capacity to pour into what matters the absolute most. I had to submit to humility and accept that I was not doing well in the very thing I had created for myself. No matter how seemingly “good” something is, it’s not worth it if it’s robbing you of your time to pour into your family, your kids, your faith.

So what have I done with my extra time? Well, a whole lot less of a what I thought this year would include, to be honest. I genuinely thought I would be finishing my book I had started with Tyndale about a year and a half ago in this time. But, God closed that door for the time being. I was really frustrated about it. I felt hurt, but I feel so called to the specific book God has laid on my heart. I didn’t want to change what I felt a vision for because it didn’t fit their need. And I am ok with that! And I am certain my 30 page thesis and pitch will be picked up but he right person. I am really grateful for the opportunity that was presented to me and it stretched me. And now, I have something ready to go when the right publisher comes along.

I coached my son’s soccer team. I don’t wanna brag… but we started from the bottom and we ended with games 13-2 hehe. These are the things I can hang my hat on now and I am not mad about it. Just call me “Coach Hannah.” 😉

I gained a new perspective on what matters. I am just genuinely happy to pay my bills, have healthy kids, and have a home with a roof and lights. I know that sounds so dumb and basic, but it genuinely was something I came to be so thankful for over the last year.

I can play on the floor with my kids without having to check my email for a client’s concerns or frustrations.

I can film content and write when I feel a desire to, not when I am pressure-prompted. I thought I would focus so much on my blog again over the last year, but I didn’t. I have hardly touched it. I thought I would do monthly photoshoots again and create content for my email list… but I didn’t. I didn’t do any of that. I just was… mom. And honestly, it was so nice. A bit stretching and at times a slight identity crisis. But in general, so so good.

I have been extra picky about partnerships and collaborations. I say no even if it would be nice to have that money. But it’s not worth the work if it doesn’t align perfectly with the vision I have for my kids and my home.

I have poured my heart and soul into the women of Cadence and had the chance to plan events that fill my cup. Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Easter… I love to throw a good party and to see people find community. This will be the joy of my life alongside my babies for the rest of my life.

All this to say, I feel I have lived such an open book life for y’all through every season of my life. And this one has been something so notable but less shared about. Not for any particular reason other than… I have been MIA here on the blog side of things and that’s where I feel I could share more openly about it. Here’s to a year of blooming in motherhood and to many more years of it to come.

Some fun life updates:

  • Knox graduates from PreK Monday and I am already weeping.
  • I was just named the face of Snuggle Me Organic for the next 6 months and am genuinely still like… “are you sure you reached out to the right person?” but I am so honored and excited. It’s such a fun and creative outlet for me!
  • We have sabbatical for the next 4 weeks starting Monday and we are so excited! This means Paul won’t be preaching for four weeks and we will be spending tons of family time together. We will do this every summer to get vision for the church for the upcoming year as well as some needed rest! There will be some of our favorite people preaching those Sundays and I cannot wait for our people to get poured into by them!!

A Little Life Lately

Hello! My goodness, I don’t know about you, but my 2023 has started (dare I even say it?) so incredible. To be honest, nothing in particular other than it’s like a new wave of fresh air has blown through both personally and in all the things we do as a family. I am just excited for what’s ahead and I don’t even know why fully except that I think God is doing some awesome stuff this year.

Postpartum Ups and Downs

Coco is 5 months old and the postpartum fog is slowly lifting, and I am starting to feel a bit more like myself. To be honest, starting late October/early November I started to really go downhill from postpartum hormones and a few circumstances I just couldn’t control. It’s just true, you can’t deal with things like you normally would when you’re sleep deprived and your body is trying to figure out what normal is both hormonally and psychologically again. It’s just a lot. I am so grateful for our pastors, best friends, parents, and -of course- my amazing husband. We knew things were about a 10/10 not good when I got lost driving my usual route home from dropping off Knox at school. We knew from my experience postpartum with Knox that this is a pretty telling sign for me that something is just not right. We immediately started to rearrange things to help me. I withdrew from some commitments, started on some vitamin regimens, focused on what I was eating a bit more intentionally, and ultimately starting tuning in spiritually to what the Lord wanted to say to me. We had a few breakthroughs in our personal lives, and oddly enough it’s almost like that was what God wanted me to dial in on in the midst of my postpartum anxiety and depression. And once we talked through some things, at one point even with our pastors as “referees”, unity came into our home again and my fog almost immediately began to lift. And while I am not saying I was suffering from PP blues because God wanted me to learn something, I do believe He used it for my good. Also, on that note, married people: Have one couple in your life you trust with your entire marriage. Like, I am serious… somebody you both agree that no matter what they say, it’s right no matter what and they can speak into absolutely ANYTHING. It’s so freeing. Sometimes when Paul and I just cannot see eye to eye on something, we will go sit with our pastors and talk through it in front of them. It’s truly the safest place for us and we’ve done it for 7 years now with the same people. It’s honestly probably in the top 3 best things we have as a couple.

Routines

If you recall, I wrote about how I feel I am meant to focus (perhaps simply REfocus) on my purpose. Saying no to things, rekindling others I have put on the backburner, and really seeing where I am meant to pour into as my days of pregnancy are seemingly behind me and I am stepping into something new as a mom raising 3 babies. I have really settled into a weekly routine that’s been life-changing. My family thrives on routine, and my weekly schedule is at the top of that list. Tuesdays I get 9-3 entirely to myself. I take the kids to my parents’ and I go do errands, hair appointments, work at a coffee shop, reading for fun… whatever I feel like. It’s brought so much life to my week. On Thursdays I am leading a SAHM Bible Study through the Spring and I am really excited about this. Fridays are Donut Friday with Daddy, so I get the morning to do things around the house (I seem to usually have some kind of an appointment for a kid or dog lately on these days.) Whatever you can do to implement a routine that, with a bit of grace as always, stays in place, I promise it will impact you greatly.

Recent Buys and Finds

Lastly, below are just some of my favorite recent buys and finds! A few of them are trending in my LTK shop, so I guess you’re loving them also! You guys are the best and I adore you. xoxoxo

Things I shared this week!

Hi babes! OKAY, I shared a few things this week that you guys asked for the results of. I wanted to put them all here for continued reference rather than a story that would disappear.

First, I shared I have really transitioned to listening to audible books throughout my days to help manage my social scroll time (cutting a mindless habit) and to help tame my anxiety on days it’s a little out of control. When I am pregnant, as somebody who already leans on the anxious side, my whacked hormones cause me to have horrible insomnia and it leads to anxiety that can become overwhelming in the middle of the night. Audible has been a God send for helping manage my thoughts. We have a yearly membership which gives 12 credits for new books, and then audible books are FAR cheaper than a hardback. I was asked how I make it work financially, and this is how we personally do it. Most audible books are legit only like $3-$5. That is a cup of coffee (without the jitters hehe) and a far better investment of that part of my budget than a coffee run or random $30 spends at Target each month.

Here’s what I have listened to over the last 6 months:

  • Who Are You Following by Sadie Robertson Huff
  • Embrace Your Almost by Jordan Lee Dooley
  • Finding Freedom by Erin French
  • Find Your People by Jennie Allen
  • Rules of Estrangement by Joshua Coleman
  • Harry Potter (Books 5, 6, and 7) *I read hardbacks of others prior to needing Audible switch)
  • Open Book by Jessica Simpson
  • Take the Lead by Jessica Simpson
  • Talking As Fast As I Can by Lauren Graham
  • Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis

    Podcasts on Audible:
  • She by Jordan Lee Dooley
  • Made for This by Jennie Allen
  • Goal Digger by Jenna Kutcher
  • Whoa, that’s good by Sadie Robertson Huff

Second up, I am going to Charleston in less than two weeks and I cannot wait. This is a dream destination and I can’t wait to experience it in real life. I love pretty homes, historic charm, and color… insert Charleston 😉 We are going for a conference with our church planting network and adding a bit on for a baby moon on the front and tail end. I have been taking note on basically all things Charleston from Julia Berolzheimer, but I asked for food suggestions and you guys came in like FIRE with the suggestions. I am sharing below the most repeated spots:

  • Camellias Champagne Bar for High Tea
  • Five Churches
  • Poogan’s Porch
  • The Darling Oyster Bar
  • 82 Queen
  • Husk
  • Page’s Okra Grill
  • Post House Inn
  • Xiao Biscuit
  • Fig
  • The Dewberry Rooftop
  • Church and Union
  • Hall’s Chophouse
  • Frannie and the Fox
  • Nico’s
  • Chez Nous
  • Chasing Sage

I notice a trend in Charleston of historic homes being restaurants and Inns, and I am so into it. A lot of these are just that or in very old part of refurbished areas in the city. The Dewberry, Hotel Bennett, 86 Cannon, Emeline, and The Loutrel are the top destination stays we have found.

Places to Go:

  • Folly Beach
  • Sullivan’s Beach
  • The Battery
  • Rainbow Row
  • King Street
  • Hampton Park
  • Cannonborough/Elliotborough streets

January’s Favorite Five

Hello and WHOA! We are half way through January?! I hope this month has been refreshing and life-giving for you as you’ve pressed “restart” on your routines and getting back into the swing of life post-holidays. Today I have a list of my favorite five items I am using in my life that I think you’ll love, too!

  1. Against All Grain, Meals Made Simple: I love Danielle Walker and have slowly added all of her cookbooks to my shelves. She has great allergy-friendly family meals for us to make that everybody loves, and this cookbook in particular is family-friendly and QUICK.
  2. Cusinart 15 pc. Knives Set: We’ve needed new knives for ages, but I haven’t wanted to spend $500 on a “good” set. I have kept coming back to this one though, because the amount of reviews is mind-blowing for the star rating it has earned! I bought them and LOVE them. I cut through a large carrot the other day and had forgotten this is what it is supposed to feel like cutting vegetables.
  3. Foam Activity Set: We bought this for Rory for Christmas and it’s the best thing we have for the boys to play with currently. It basically just stays in my living room right now because they play with it all day together. We build castles, we build ramps and drive our bikes off of it… it’s the best.
  4. Studio Mcgee x Threshold Artwork for Living Room: I have been so afraid to hang things on my walls out of fear there’s something else out there I would love more. Sorta like #fomo but for home decor? But I am starting to commit and hang things to fill the walls of my home! I found these two pieces from Target in the Studio Mcgee line and I love them. They added so much to my living space for such great prices!
  5. Matte Liquid Lipstick: Without fail, any time I wear this lip color, I will get asked what I have on. It’s so beautiful and it goes on easily + smudge-free! You can’t go wrong with any of the shades, but I own

Monthly Review of 2021

Dang, so 2021. Coming to a close. How’s your heart doing? Though I faced overwhelming depths of grief in 2021 that I sincerely never thought would be part of my story with the loss of my daughter Blakely, I still somehow have such incredible memories from the year. When I think of 2021, I somehow still smile and have happy thoughts. I have learned such a lesson in life the last couple of years that joy and grief co-exist, and that it’s okay to be both okay and not okay. I think we can get so hung up on one or the other that we miss opportunities in the spaces in between.

As a way to celebrate the year, I wanted to share something from every month *some things are surprises you guys don’t know anything about* simply because I would love to share it all with you. The good, the bad, and the spaces in between.

January: We kicked off our year excited and hopeful. We had just pressed “go” on the year long process to launch a church with our network ARC, and everything we did was looking ahead to September. We had a lot of “firsts” and January was our first launch team gathering. We are just so grateful.

February: I went to Disney with my best friends for the first time in my life. I truly have no words for it except that I am so freaking thankful I have such amazing women in my life. I can’t wait to go back with all my boys. Also, how many women do you know who have a group of 8 best friends they can legit travel with and come home loving one another just as much (if not more!)? We have something so unique and I just can’t believe I get to call all of these incredible women my best friends.

March: We started Interest Gatherings for Cadence in March and I, unknowingly at the time, began meeting some of the people who have now become dear friends to us. I remember walking outside and seeing these marquee lights spelling out “Cadence” for the first time and it took my breath away a little. Ten years of dreaming and this moment made it feel like we were truly launching a church. It was the first time we did something for the public and it was so scary – you have no idea what to expect – but wow, what an incredible first step into our calling.

April: Okay, so this one is a surprise/secret I have kept. In April, I had a dream opportunity arise with a well-known publisher. Basically, my dream book deal was handed on a silver platter to me by an acquisitions editor who had been told about me and spent months watching my Instagram and emails to see if I was a fit (WHAT?!) I still had to write a pitch worthwhile for the publisher… but, the initial first steps were eliminated and I had a publisher seeking ME out. It still makes me both smile and shiver with shock to be honest. I began working on my pitch, praying about what I wanted to write, and spent the next few months exploring the world of publishing, which has always been my long-term goal. Did you know I was a creative writing minor in college?! All this to say, my dream was put on the back burner a bit at first when I shockingly found out in June I was pregnant and spent my days just trying not to puke, and then fully so when I lost Blakely in August. The creativity in me was completely diminished for a season while I grieved. However… the dream and my creativity has been reignited somewhat within me and is rolling again. I have a unique idea for a book that I am truly thrilled about. I hope to see this dream come to life in 2022 and it feels fun to just finally get to share this with y’all. I have been scared to share about this because I feared failure. What if I never wrote a pitch worth them signing me on for? But, I am here sharing because regardless of when or IF I ever finish the book, I still had a dream come true in April and I want to celebrate that.

May: We FINALLY (4 months late…) moved into our home. A whole year after signing to build, I got to move into the home I designed every little nook and cranny of. It’s so surreal still and I think we say (no joke) daily, “Can you believe we get to live here?” I sincerely loved the building process, though it was delayed and a few frustrating moments, it was in general so fun and has already proven to be a great investment. Don’t let people scare you out of building – we had a blast! Paul and I never fought about it as so many try to convince you will happen if you build a home and we just really did enjoy the process whole heartedly!

June: I celebrated my 29th birthday in June, and then found out at the end of the month I was VERY shockingly 6 weeks pregnant. I mean, it was truly a shock. I laid on the floor for an hour when I saw two pink lines show on the stick that I literally only took just to tell the doctor I knew I wasn’t pregnant when I set my appointment up for how sick I had been feeling lately. I just figured it was a food allergy thing and that I needed to do a re-set. We were thrilled, though it felt crazy to be doing this in the middle of planting a church. I knew God was up to something and I had specifically prayed that if I ever got pregnant again I would need him to do it as a surprise. I had also prayed months before for the surprise to be my daughter I longed for. As per usual, God flexed and did His thing.

July: We were diving into our new community at our new home and I was writing portions of my book pitch in the rare moments I got alone/didn’t feel nauseous. At the end of the month we went on a trip to Alabama for our church planting network with our staff. I had just taken the blood work test a week or so before to find out the gender of our surprise baby, and I had asked God to somehow miraculously get us the results early. He did, but in a way I didn’t expect Him to. While in Alabama, I began cramping so incredibly bad and my stomach was swelling up (although, I just thought I was starting to pop early), and by the end of day 2 I was concerned. I couldn’t even sit without wincing from pain. Then, as we walked into dinner with our team I knew I was bleeding. I ran to the bathroom to find blood everywhere and immediately began to weep. We rushed to the ER where we waited to be seen, my heart racing and the fear setting in that I surely lost my baby. As we went back with the sonographer, we could tell she was a believer and turns out she went to the church we were attending for the church planting conference. We were missing out on a prayer night, but we ended up having our own in a way with her in that room as she grabbed images of our baby and prayed over us, praying the bleeding would cease. It still makes me cry. She told us *though she wasn’t supposed to* that she saw a hematoma and the doctor would tell us more about it. She also asked if we wanted to know the gender early to which I nearly bounced off the table with a “YES!” She let me know what my heart already knew, and I was pregnant with my daughter I had ached and prayed for. *I took this video for a collaboration I had booked pre-bed rest with Red Dress Boutique and you can see how swollen my belly was. Below is a photo I took from our hotel room before going to dinner just before I began bleeding. I sent it to my friends saying “look how much I popped!” but also asking for prayer for my cramping.

August: I was put on bedrest for two weeks minimum and somehow… we all managed to catch COVID. My entire family sat in bed for two weeks basically waiting and watching, praying for a miracle, and blowing our noses. I had been told once I got back from Alabama to see my own midwife that I had a severe hematoma, and that while most women carry full term perfect babies with a SCH… I was a risky case at 5 CM. On August 10th, I went into labor with my surprise Blakely Amelia and delivered her at 14 weeks. I held her perfect hands, toes, and sweet tiny body for hours. I know there is purpose and beauty that comes from all pain. God doesn’t create pain, but only HE can make good from our pain. The greatest mystery of God is that in His sovereignty He doesn’t choose to take away or snap His fingers and make our pain right every time. He chooses sometimes not to heal or save or answer our prayers how we want them to be. But I also know He is so very good. It’s the greatest confusing mystery that I can only find peace in when I recognize God is God and He is always good … even when I cannot make sense of it. I know Blakely’s life has purpose. Her life answered prayers I have prayed for 5 years. Her life reassured me, staring into her perfect face and seeing her heart and ribcage through her delicate skin, just how real life in our womb is. I will boldly and proudly scream it from the rooftops, and I have a conviction deeper than ever before that it is true. A baby is a baby, whether planned for or wanted. I have such a passion now for helping women and their babies through unexpected pregnancies.


September: What a month. One month postpartum of a miscarriage AND launch month. The very thing we had been working toward since the previous October. At moments, it felt impossible while at others I was grateful for the distraction. We brought home our new puppy Dolly this month, which (mostly for Paul) is still a toss up if this was a blessing or a curse… lol. (Mostly kidding) The week after launch, Paul was in a pretty bad car accident that, praise God, he walked away from, but it nearly totaled our brand new black 4 Runner (which is still in the shop!) I also faced unbelievable loss personally outside of my daughter that I can’t really talk about, but I had to draw difficult lines with people I love deeply and the grief at times kept me on the floor gasping for air. Grief is wild, because as you must somehow pick back up the shattered pieces of your life as you thought it’d be… others are living their lives. And worse… Happily. You look around you as people pass by and it literally feels like slow motion. How dare them be happy. Don’t they know I lost my daughter? Don’t they know I have people I love but can’t talk to? Of course they don’t. They have no idea. It’s the weirdest thing, trying to live life again as others don’t even know that getting out of the house that day was in and of itself a difficult victory. September 19th came and we launched Cadence Church. It was perfect. It was a dream fulfilled, and then also the realization that this one day we had dreamt of was just one Sunday of thousands more to come. It was thrilling. I am so grateful for Cadence. I am grateful for the way it, in some ways, saved me in the midst of grief. I am grateful the people who call it their home. I am grateful that we are already making a difference in the lives of those in our community as well as the city we are in. September taught me, truly, that I can do anything by Christ’s strength because it is LITERALLY the only explanation for how I made it through with joy and faith still in tact.

October: Life has begun to feel somewhat normal again, whatever that means. Grief had its days, but in general less of them. I think October taught me it’s okay to feel “okay” after grief, though still very real and painful. It’s funny, when I was barely 2 months post-loss, it felt somewhat like pregnancy with Blakely was years ago yet in the same breath still a bleeding wound. If you find yourself in the middle of grief, I hope me sharing this timeline but specifically about this month, can encourage you. Take each passing day as it comes – whatever it looks like. And see a counselor. I say that a lot … but I mean it. Having a counselor has at times saved my marriage through very difficult seasons and decisions we needed to make, and it also has saved me. Arguably, counseling has brought me back. Below is just a random October night with my boys where I remember thinking, “Life is as it should be again.”

November: My favorite time of year! In November, the notable moment to me was I drove for the first time in 4 years further than 45 minutes away from my home. I had PP OCD and anxiety after Knox’s birth and I suffered a HORRIBLE panic attack alone on a drive to San Antonio with my 6 month old baby while Paul was completely off the grid somewhere in Africa. This felt like such a victory, driving to see my family again now with two babies in tow, and I felt like it was a significant moment for me. I felt nauseous most of my drive from how nervous I was. But I did it. I drove down to see my sweet grandpa in the hospital and it was worth the battle. I wrote more about here on my IG.

December: Alas, we’ve made it. 2021 was … well, kinda wild, huh? This holiday season hasn’t been easy. The painful relational lines of September exist still, and I had to grieve that along with the constant reminder I should have been almost 8 months pregnant with Blakely this Christmas. Yet, I sit here and smile. There’s so much to be so thankful for. I have had such a fun year, full of laughter, travel, and so much fun. So many new things. So many fun adventures with our boys. I am so grateful for our health. I am grateful for my boys and my husband. I am grateful for my best friends. I am grateful that if I lost everything, I truly have it all in Jesus and with my boys by my side. Yesterday we celebrated Christmas alone at home. Literally, just us. Things panned out to allow us this opportunity and we took it. We watched movies all day long, napped on the couch to The Christmas Story, and played with our new toys all day, ending with a delicious meal of steak, vegetables, artichokes, and sweet potatoes. It was unanimously our best Christmas yet.

In closing: God has been so good to us. I cry just thinking about the sweet gifts of this year. I feel the gifts He’s sent our way are truly extra special and intentional in the midst of the grief we have faced. If you allow yourself to see it in this light, you can see how sweet the Lord is in our pain- yours and mine. Maybe that relationship or prayer didn’t unfold how you hoped it would- I would have never prayed or asked for me to lose my daughter- and that can make you feel forgotten or overlooked by God. But, friend, look at all the ways God showed up and protected you even in your unwelcomed circumstances. I can see his protection even in the Labor and Delivery room as I lost my baby. I can see it in the sweet friendships I have that feel like family. In November, Paul drove up to our home around 8:45 PM after he stayed long at a men’s event for the church to find a man watching me from a ladder in our living room. Our brand new living room we had prayed over and asked God’s protection over. Having a peeping Tom in our “safe” space didn’t exactly feel like God protecting us. But the truth is, HE DID. People are evil and people have free will to do bad things. We live in a fallen world and subchorionic hematomas exist – God in His perfection didn’t create these. Division over politics and health choices exist because the devil who is fighting for people to be divided exists. But God is sovereign over it all, and I trust him with the gaps that sin has created. He promises us a place of no more tears or suffering in Heaven and that is the hope I cling to on this side. What I am trying to say here is, God didn’t have a peeping Tom come look at me and violate my privacy in my safe space. That’s obvious. But, had Paul not stayed longer at Top Golf that night, he would have never driven up at the exact right time to catch the man who was watching me (for who knows how long or how many times) to follow him and get his license plate, call the cops, and ultimately protect our home longterm. God ordained Paul’s steps perfectly to truly protect us. You following me?

God is so good. He is in every detail. I am so thankful. I surrender every ounce of pain at his feet and send up prayers of gratitude for the blessings I see all around me. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, y’all. I can’t wait to see what 2022 brings for us.

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