As I sit here in my daughter’s room, watching her snooze for the first time in her own crib (fingers crossed we move up here for night time sleep soon!) and hear my sons giggling in the playroom just down the hallway, I am filled to the brim with gratitude. The absolute purest form of it. 2022 taught me, if I am honest, some of the basics all over again. I spent my 20’s working hard, losing sleep at night worrying about things like baseline numbers and employees, building companies, and running different businesses. And at the drop of a hat, I said “no more”… I want basic. We are talking like, shelter, food, basic needs met kind of basic. Sometimes, life makes you just abundantly grateful for the littlest, most basic things like baby cheeks that squish into your lips when you kiss them and food on the table that you planned and prepared, and a home we love and have the joy of living in. I will never view anything the same after my late 20’s and all that life dished at us, and my goodness I am thankful for that. After a series of events that put life perspective more clear than ever for me, I chose to sell my company to be home more and grieved a lot of “how it was.” Don’t read that just as financially or anything like that, although we did have to make some massive changes with this initial move in my job title. But I grieved “how it was” relationally with people I once did life with, “how it was” as I turned the big 30, “how it was” as my season of birthing babies came to a close. “How it was” before kids vs now as I navigate rediscovering Hannah, the mommy. I could go on and on about what “how it was” means to me as the chapter pages have turned to “how it is.”
As we enter into this new year, I hear “purpose” loud and clear for me to pursue. The calling, as a mom, wife, and leader in our church. Purpose as a writer and as I navigate what I love so much about this space and community I spent so much of my 20s building. It all looks new and different, and I am so excited. There is something thrilling and giddy bubbling under the surface as I turn this chapter. Paul and I have said a lot over the last two months “we will just never be the same” in the most beautiful and life-changing ways. All positive things even when it took some painful pruning and plowing to get to the basics. I picture a field that’s been plowed down to the very best soil. The dirt was so full of dozens of seeds that had been tested over the years that alone, these seeds worked. But after time and years of seasons and growth… some of the seeds just didn’t work alongside each other anymore. They were choking each other out, and the only way to fix it was to plow it all down. We had to plow down to the purest, cleanest version of the field to start new growth. We had to decide what we would intentionally plant and what holds purpose for our family moving forward. I had too many seeds growing in one field, and they just couldn’t co-exist anymore. I had to decide which ones were done seasonally and which ones were done for good. It was difficult, but it has brought forth more life than ever before.
I am excited about 2023. I am ready to tackle goals and things I have put on the back burner for 5 years. I am ready to rediscover Hannah this year. A Hannah who has lost some things but gained so much. Hannah who meets the needs of 3 little faces every day, but also has her own she wants to give attention to again. I am excited. I am ready to show up here again, and I mean really show up. I am excited to get reacquainted.
So, hey. I am Hannah. I am 30. I have 3 babies on this side of heaven and one angel girl. I have the best husband. I have gained a few wrinkles and pounds over the last five years as I have birthed my babies and shared about it all here as I was able to. I lead a church alongside my husband in Frisco, TX. It is the greatest joy and journey of our lives. An absolute privilege. I love life. I love good food. I love a quality pair of shoes and a fun, colorful closet. I love being the closet friends ask to peruse for an event they have. I love cooking and I LOVE being mommy. I believe in forgiving quickly and recognizing people are all just doing their best. Cheers to 2023. Cheers to my 30’s. Cheers to the best ahead.