Wow, so it’s officially been one year since I decided to make the move and step into silent ownership of my company as we did a slow roll off entirely over the months to follow. While I don’t at all believe this is the right choice for everybody, I had to do it. The stress and pressure I felt at all times was physically and emotionally withering me away. I wasn’t being the wife or mom I wanted to be, and we knew something had to change. The timing felt ridiculous to back out but we felt the hit we would take personally was worth it for my well-being. And, wow, am I so very glad I did. I stepped away from everything I built and I have never been happier. Because I am built with a business mind (it’s both a blessing and a curse lol) I have found some other outlets to continue providing an income for my family but it just had to look so much different for me. As my company grew, so did I. I began to understand how I was specifically designed, and while others might still thrive as a mom and wife while balancing the pressure of a company and payroll and pleasing clients at all hours of the day, I sure as heck was not. I realized that although I can cast vision and manage a team, it is not what I should operate in primarily. And I built something (on accident) that literally was not good for me and was killing my joy in all areas of life. I have shared this journey openly not because I think women shouldn’t work. No, not what I have said or am I remotely implying. Instead, I have shared my journey because I want to encourage you to say “no” to something if it’s robbing your joy. It is ok to eject from something you even started or have invested so much into if it’s eroding your capacity to pour into what matters the absolute most. I had to submit to humility and accept that I was not doing well in the very thing I had created for myself. No matter how seemingly “good” something is, it’s not worth it if it’s robbing you of your time to pour into your family, your kids, your faith.
So what have I done with my extra time? Well, a whole lot less of a what I thought this year would include, to be honest. I genuinely thought I would be finishing my book I had started with Tyndale about a year and a half ago in this time. But, God closed that door for the time being. I was really frustrated about it. I felt hurt, but I feel so called to the specific book God has laid on my heart. I didn’t want to change what I felt a vision for because it didn’t fit their need. And I am ok with that! And I am certain my 30 page thesis and pitch will be picked up but he right person. I am really grateful for the opportunity that was presented to me and it stretched me. And now, I have something ready to go when the right publisher comes along.
I coached my son’s soccer team. I don’t wanna brag… but we started from the bottom and we ended with games 13-2 hehe. These are the things I can hang my hat on now and I am not mad about it. Just call me “Coach Hannah.” 😉
I gained a new perspective on what matters. I am just genuinely happy to pay my bills, have healthy kids, and have a home with a roof and lights. I know that sounds so dumb and basic, but it genuinely was something I came to be so thankful for over the last year.
I can play on the floor with my kids without having to check my email for a client’s concerns or frustrations.
I can film content and write when I feel a desire to, not when I am pressure-prompted. I thought I would focus so much on my blog again over the last year, but I didn’t. I have hardly touched it. I thought I would do monthly photoshoots again and create content for my email list… but I didn’t. I didn’t do any of that. I just was… mom. And honestly, it was so nice. A bit stretching and at times a slight identity crisis. But in general, so so good.
I have been extra picky about partnerships and collaborations. I say no even if it would be nice to have that money. But it’s not worth the work if it doesn’t align perfectly with the vision I have for my kids and my home.
I have poured my heart and soul into the women of Cadence and had the chance to plan events that fill my cup. Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Easter… I love to throw a good party and to see people find community. This will be the joy of my life alongside my babies for the rest of my life.
All this to say, I feel I have lived such an open book life for y’all through every season of my life. And this one has been something so notable but less shared about. Not for any particular reason other than… I have been MIA here on the blog side of things and that’s where I feel I could share more openly about it. Here’s to a year of blooming in motherhood and to many more years of it to come.
Some fun life updates:
- Knox graduates from PreK Monday and I am already weeping.
- I was just named the face of Snuggle Me Organic for the next 6 months and am genuinely still like… “are you sure you reached out to the right person?” but I am so honored and excited. It’s such a fun and creative outlet for me!
- We have sabbatical for the next 4 weeks starting Monday and we are so excited! This means Paul won’t be preaching for four weeks and we will be spending tons of family time together. We will do this every summer to get vision for the church for the upcoming year as well as some needed rest! There will be some of our favorite people preaching those Sundays and I cannot wait for our people to get poured into by them!!