Marriage is a funny thing. It seems that no matter where I go or who I meet with, be it a room of 2 girls or 200, marriage comes up. It is as though I have “I am married, ask me questions about it” written across my forehead, and I absolutely love it. The most common topic I am emailed about or asked about if we are simply chatting over coffee, is marriage. Everyone is curious about what it is like and if I love it. Can marriage really be that great?
Marriage is the bomb.
It is not easy. I hope I have made that clear as day to everyone repeatedly. I never want to be that girl who portrays everything is peachy keen or that my life is perfect when, in fact, life can be tough and marriage is very hard. Paul and I have to work at being friends sometimes, because that is what happens when you live with someone. Love is a choice. Marriage is a commitment. You have to pick to do both. And, as easy as it is to say, “Okay, I am committed” is as easy as it could be to say, “I am done.” You have to decide to be all in. There isn’t the option of “well, what if…”
It simply comes down to picking someone who, no matter what, you want to do life with. And, believe me, you’re going to change. But, thank goodness you won’t be the same person at age 40 as you are when you get married at 20-something. Right? Why is change seen as such a bad thing? You change together, you fight for change alongside one another.
My two MOST asked questions:
A. How do you know?
B. Are y’all best friends?
How do you know? I have brushed on this topic before, but I love talking about it. Bottom line, there are probably a ton of people out there both Paul and I could have been compatible with. Sorry to take away the fantasy of that one soulmate ideology, but I just don’t believe it to be fully true. Paul could have totally said, “Hannah you’re great and I love being with you, but I think there just might be someone I am even better with.” That’s just not how it works, though. If you are single and think too much on that, you will never get married. I am simply thankful God brought Paul into my path at the time he did, because it was the right timing and we were compatible. We chose to say “I do” because we chose to love each other. We chose to say, “The looking stops here, because I like being with you.” Cheating happens when people start thinking again on what other compatible people there are out in the world. It is deceptive and fleeting.
Redeeming the purpose of marriage is hard when the world doesn’t believe in holding off on living with one another before marriage and we all have commitment problems as it is. Why get married when we can just live together and, if it doesn’t work out, move right back out? You and I might disagree on this, and that’s fine! I love conversation and I don’t expect to see eye to eye with all of you. But, this is why I think you might think the way you do if it differs from how I see it:
We are always looking for the ‘Plan B’ in everything. We want a good “insurance plan” for every situation in our life (me included!), but that thought process is exactly what is ruining the value of marriage. Think wisely and have Plan B’s, but know that doesn’t apply to marriage. That’s not how it works. Our generation cannot even RSVP for a wedding without fear of commitment let alone having a wedding of their own. Do you know what I mean? It is a heart issue far more than we would care to admit.
This bleeds into the other question: Are y’all best friends? I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Frankly, when Paul and I started dating (which, side note, TODAY marks 4 years since we met!), I actually had to remind myself I had girlfriends to hangout with still. I just loved being around Paul. Now, I know no different. We do everything together. We cook and eat our meals together every night, we shop together, we make decisions together. We ask each other’s opinions on our outfits, and we definitely change if the other doesn’t like it. We can’t stand driving places apart from one another, we can’t go 24 hours without having a good sit down conversation with one another. Choose someone who you love doing life with- I will keep saying this over and over. Choose your best friend and don’t let go of them.
Paul and I chose “I do”, because we chose to fight for commitment. We believe in the meaning of marriage, what it represents. We believe in exhibiting sacrifice, we believe in showing off who Jesus is through a covenant. Now, if you don’t believe in Jesus, I would love to chat with you about that, but even still, marriage is for you. I promise! Simply put, all spirituality aside, why wouldn’t you want to commit to enjoying life with a best friend by your side who, no matter how crappy you can be, guarantees they will not leave you? THAT IS GOLD.
Note this: Marriage isn’t guaranteed or even a desire for everyone, and that’s a very different subject. I am talking about those of you who want to be married and are dating to be potentially married. If you want to be married, but don’t know if the person you are dating wants to or are afraid they might divorce you, then maybe it’s not the right person. Pick someone who the “D word” doesn’t exist in their vocabulary. Though marriage is hard -Paul and I are really good at fighting- I rest easy every night, because I know divorce is not an option of any kind.
Taking this one step further- If you’re a part of a divorced family, there is restoration and redemption in that, too! There is no guilt in the cross. The best news is that you start clean everyday with Jesus. How cool is that?
Love is a choice. Marriage is a choice. I chose Paul then and I still do.
I would LOVE to hear from you. What are your thoughts on marriage? What are your questions? I would love to hear them!
Have a happy, happy Friday. You are all so loved. Thanks for letting me into your lives. It means so much.