Picking Your List of Counsel

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22

This morning, Paul and I woke up at 5:22 AM to a once again sick doodle. (Poor baby.) We know you shouldn’t change your dog’s food on them without a transition time, but we bought a small bag of food from Whole Foods two nights ago, because we knew we were out of food at home and definitely knew we were beyond exhausted. We just wanted to get home and into bed so we could finally sit down for the day. We grabbed the food and said ‘we will give her this, and then buy her big bag from Costco tomorrow’, all unfolding in aisle 8 at Whole Foods. This was the worst idea ever. My poor Presley has been sick as a d-o-g, and every time she gets sick I have this overwhelming sense of regret and guilt because it’s all my fault. Trust me, I know we did it wrong.

This is nothing to do with today’s post, but that’s what woke me up today at 5:22 AM. So we went ahead and rolled out of bed to our dimly lit living room, cleaned up doodle, and got to our quiet time before what felt like anybody else was awake in the surrounding 10 miles radius. No cars driving by, no dull rush from the highway on the other side of our complex. Complete silence. Then in the middle of our quiet time, a ginormous THUD came from our closet and I legitimately thought someone was hiding in our closet and about to kill us. Alas, it was just our huge tub of probably about 50+ books scattered across our floor. This has been my morning, and it’s fairly irrelevant except to invite you into Paul’s and my life haha. This is to give you a great visual picture of our current setting, that’s all.  BUT, to the point, I read my devotional this morning and it was called PUSH. It gave me the scripture above and challenged me to write out my “wise counsel”. When Paul and I got married, we got marriage counseling from a couple who stand as wise counsel in our life. We read through a book with them, and met for dinner a couple times a month to hash out things we were not seeing eye to eye on and getting over all prepared (as best you can) for life as a unit in just a few months. Part of this counseling was choosing people we trust and feel comfortable with the other going to when we are in turmoil, frustrated with one another, or just need advice that we can’t give one another. This select, special list are people that we can share anything with- our deepest struggles, our frustrations with one another, and our fears. Because, though our spouses are our confidants and best friends, sometimes we need to step outside of our tunneled perspective that exists between just the two of us, and ask for wiser counsel to speak into our situation. We have had moments in our marriage that we are at a complete dead end, and we will not find an exit on our own. Rather, we will continue in the round about we are driving on, and keep missing the turn out because we cannot seem to find a common ground.

This list will shift with life changes, season changes and circumstances. But amongst our list is parents, peers, pastors, and superiors. So this morning I wrote out my list of wise counsel in this season of life, from peers (friends in the same life stage as you) who I know can give me biblical viewpoints and wisdom, to wise women in my church community (superiors), to my pastors, and of course our parents. These are people who I trust to speak into me, who know me well, can encourage me, rebuke and refine me, prune me, and guide me. They are people I respect as wives, as business leaders, as moms, as my spiritual guides. This is the list of people that, if in a situation you are told you are wrong or should look at something from a different angle, you listen and value that especially so because it’s coming from one of your people on “the list”. This doesn’t mean discount completely anyone who gives you advice or says you should work on something that isn’t on the list, but you take it with a grain of salt. You give this list of people access into your life in a special way that others do not get. Not because you are selfish or don’t want to be transparent with everyone, but because life shouldn’t be lived with a million people offering you advice that you take action on. These people are who you have decided to entrust with the nitty gritty details of your life. Everybody in the world, no matter how great their intentions, cannot and should not help you with the nitty gritty. These are the people who, if something terrible happened, would step in and act as your sanity and guide you in decision making.

So I made my list. It consists of 10 people, 9 not including Paul. Paul loves the people on my list, and I love his. They are people I trust, and he trusts mine. If you put someone on your list the other doesn’t take their opinions seriously into account to speak into their lives or situations, then it’s pointless and you actually lose your spouse’s trust a little. The best part was Paul guessing every single one of my list without me prompting him or telling him. That is called being known, y’all. Marry your best friend. It won’t disappoint. Paul then created his list, and I guessed it 90% right… I guess Paul is the better spouse 😉 Or I am just far more predictable, a lady of routine and predictability, and I am a-okay with that.

I encourage you to make your list today, whether you are single or married! The list is so important. Pick people who are in your day to day in some way or another. This doesn’t mean literally close by, but people that play a role in this season of life. I will say it again, this list will change depending on your season of life and the circumstances which you find yourself in. Happy list making!

Kill your Monday today! Make it so great, love people well, and be kind.

xoxo- Han

5 Ideas to Keep Dating On a Budget

View More: http://cottonwoodroadphotography.pass.us/thecakebyhannah

We’ve said it before, we will say it again: Never stop dating your spouse.

Paul and I are big believers in date nights and spending money on fancy dinners regularly, or mini vacations, in order to unplug, reconnect, and keep us “dating” in marriage. Our favorite date nights include going out to eat at new restaurants, we are unashamed foodies, and grabbing Sprinkles Cupcakes afterward. (They may or may not know our names at Sprinkles.)

A few favorites: Sugar Bacon in McKinney, HG Sply Co., PF Changs (We often do take-out from here), Fireside Pies (!!!!), Mi Cocina

We have more faves, but these are some solid “regulars”. 

Sometimes we have months that don’t allow us the room for dinner date nights, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop dating. DON’T STOP BECAUSE MONEY IS TIGHT. As of late, it feels like all we are ever doing is adding things to our “Must Buy” list. I keep saying things are going to finally stop dying on us… but I am still waiting for that day to come. On Saturday, we found one of our brand new tires had popped from a 3 inch nail, and after spilling red wine all over the OTHER sofa cushion on Monday (if you recall, this happened about three months ago, too), I looked at Paul and asked what the heck he thinks God is trying to teach us. He said “contentment.” All aboard the conviction train, I was immediately humbled and thought to myself “crap.” I can want so much, I want to replace our lumpy sofa, finally get a second car again, a home, whatever- the list goes on. Bottom line, we just can’t afford it right now and I have to be okay with living simply. God is bigger than what I think will make our lives more “comfortable” or “easy”- whatever that even means. And trust me, just because I am saying all this doesn’t mean my heart has had a full miraculous transformation. Yet. But, admitting and repenting is the first step to healing and contentment with what is set before you. So read this and hear me, and now hold me accountable. 😉

All this to say, Paul and I have become masters of figuring out easy, cheap (or FREE) date nights when we are on a tight budget, and we wanted to share a few with you.

View More: http://cottonwoodroadphotography.pass.us/thecakebyhannah1. Game Night In

Board games, wine, a favorite movie, a blanket tent. Be children together! This is such a fun way to be goofy and childish with your spouse. Make homemade pizza and popcorn for the ultimate throwback date.

2. Walk Around Town + Ice Cream

Paul and I are lucky since moving to McKinney to have an AWESOME downtown square. It’s a real deal, ole timey square, and it feels a little like taking a step back in time when you’re there. We love going downtown, sometimes even bringing Presley doodle along with us, just to walk around and grab ice cream cones. This is such a cheap date, but you get to people watch together and day dream. Ask one another intentional questions. What’s a praise from the week? What’s something you’re struggling with? How is your heart doing?

3. House Looking

This one is something I think I got from my parents, but I love it. Sometimes when Paul and I can’t do a date night, I ask him to just go for a drive. We will go look at houses, areas of the town that maybe we would want to purchase a home or land in the near future. It helps us keep our focus on WHY we are saving up money and keeps our eye on the end goal. It’s so fun to day dream together, and I always feel closer to Paul when we look at homes and plan out the future together. It doesn’t cost money to call a realtor and look at the inside of cute houses for sale either. 😉 I dare you to go look at a mansion WAY out of your budget just because.

4. Go Play a Sport Together

Paul is REALLY into basketball. He isn’t very good (shhh don’t tell him I said that) but he does really enjoy shooting hoops. A good way for us to connect and have fun together is going to play some kind of sport together like shooting hoops, kicking a soccer ball, or throwing a frisbee. Then, of course, I always want a Braums Twist following a good sweat, which is <$2. WINNING.

5. Just Grab a Drink OR COFFEE

Find a place in town that is known for having good beers on tap, an extensive wine list, or great mixed drinks. Going to just grab drinks is easily just a $20 date, and gets you out of the house, talking, people watching, and having fun.

If drinks aren’t your thing, go out for coffee in the morning. Paul and I recently have gotten into going out to breakfast together at a local diner in McKinney on the square. We get eggs, toast, and coffee for about $10 each, and it’s a good way to start our day. It’s also been the ONLY time we have as of late to be together since we often have opposite schedules or both work late nights a lot of the time.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter WHAT you are doing, but you have to fight for one another. Fight for time together and fight to be on one another’s teams. I get it, sometimes it is hard to be intentional just because of sheer exhaustion. Be exhausted together, though. Figure out what energizes you and keeps you diving deeper into relationship with each other. Likewise, try not to fight over finances. (HA.) We will be the first to say it can be hard. Keep an end goal in mind, though. Talk often about your debt or things you need to pay off, and keep your eye on the prize. Heck, hang up a picture of a dream home on your fridge to keep you focused. You will one day pay off school, that car, that credit card, whatever it might be for you. Being faithful with what you have and the circumstances you’re in, though, will in the end work out in your favor.

What do YOU do for date nights? I would love to hear!

xo- Han + Paul

All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake by Hannah

It’s A Love Story: Two Year Anniversary

Y’all- When people tell you time flies after getting married, believe them.

It’s absolutely nuts to me that Paul and I have been married for two years today. In some ways, I feel as though I just walked down the aisle toward him yesterday, and in other ways it feels like forever ago.

It is 6:35 AM, right now. This time two years ago, I was sitting in my closet on the floor praying and reading through the journal I was going to give Paul finally after years of writing in it- a journal to an unknown recipient from age 13 and on. 

I was on the floor of my closet because: A. I lived in a loft, and all my bridesmaids stayed the night with me. There was nowhere to be alone besides the bathtub or the closet. B. Because of said loft style, I could wake up the entire place no matter where I was at.

I have shared our love story before on here, but today’s post is simply about marriage. The choice to love, the choice to remain present and committed. To be honest, I think we can all agree that the value, even the need for marriage, has been much forgotten in today’s world. People are getting married either much later in life or all together choosing to avoid the commitment of marriage with their partners. I have experienced as a married woman at age 21 severe judgement, looks of hopelessness from strangers when they hear I am married, and even being bluntly told I was too young to decide to get married.

But, I believe wholeheartedly in marriage. I believe it is sacred, and -best of all- I believe it to be the most fun adventure I have ever embarked upon.

I think it feels like forever ago that we got married, because we are such different people than we were when we first got married. We are the same… but we are different. We fight differently, we communicate differently, we love each other differently and more than ever before. Do you know what I mean? Marriage is the best, I know I talk about it a lot on here, but I mean it. That certainly doesn’t make it easy. There are days when things feel so impossible to remedy or communication is so tough that I can wonder why I didn’t just stay single my whole life. Why in the world did I choose to get married at 21? Surely life was easier before I had to communicate my feelings in order to maintain a healthy relationship. It was so much easier to hide when I wasn’t married, and it was definitely easier to walk out on people that I didn’t see eye to eye with…

But, that’s the beauty of marriage. No hiding. No running.

Someone knows you so well that you cannot even get away with faking your own opinions or emotions- at least usually not for long. Paul knows me so well that if I am struggling but trying to act like I have it all together… he knows. Sometimes even better than I do myself. In marriage, you have to be honest not only with your spouse, but you’re held accountable to be honest with yourself for the first time in your life. You actually have to address how you truly feel about circumstances or situations, because, like it or not, it affects someone else, too. If you keep quiet, you will ultimately end up bitter about things you should have been honest about months before, and that is what can ruin relationships. And, to be frank, I am really good at this. I can be awesome at bitterness and holding grudges. (I know, it is so icky.)

But, being independent cannot last forever. We aren’t created to function in solitude, but this is especially so if you choose to get married. I had to learn this the hard way. I had to learn that when you choose to get married, you choose to let someone into your life, your routines, your frustrations, your struggles. Everything.

Marriage has turned out to be the most beautiful and needed interruption of my life. I needed someone to disrupt my routines and independence.

Second, it is said ‘love is a choice’. Every single day you must choose to love your spouse more than you did the day before. You choose to communicate. You choose commitment. People who run off of emotion are who end up hurting their husband or wife. This is how so many affairs begin. This is what so many divorces are based upon- “We fell out of love.”

No, you stopped choosing to love. 

Choosing love means more than just the romantic, fantasy kind of love. Choosing love means that even when you really hate to do it, you communicate and listen to your spouse. It means apologizing no matter how much it hurts to. It means sharpening and building up, even offending, if it means helping your spouse to become more like Christ.  Love is offensive sometimes, people don’t like to talk about that piece of love. That’s also why I believe divorce rates to be so historically high. People want the romance, they don’t want the growth. Jesus was one of the most offensive people in the history of the world, completely wrecking what people ‘felt’ like believing. The world is on this kick of “love everyone, love everything- that’s the answer to all the problems in the world!” I do believe loving people is the answer, but the world’s version of this truth is a little off. That might make you mad, but I love you enough to be offensive. The problem with this ideology of love is that real love doesn’t let you be whatever and do whatever- true love guides you, walks alongside you, it is offensive and redirects. That is marriage.

Honesty is first and foremost what I have learned in my first two years of marriage.

Today, I feel like two years officially makes us “married”, no longer newlyweds. Is that silly? I just feel like up until today, anytime we have told somebody that we’ve been married for “x amount of months” or a “a year and…” we get a pat on the head in a ‘bless your heart’ kind of manner. Who knows, maybe that won’t change and I guess I am okay with that. It’s quite similar to the fact that I still get asked what school I go to- unknown whether they are insinuating I pass as a high school or college student.

I am so grateful for marriage. I am so grateful I have a husband who is willing to hurt my feelings if he absolutely must to make me a better person. I love that I am forced to be honest with emotions in marriage. I love that I have opened up my heart to walk through every battle alongside someone. Last night at our Valentines Day dinner, we each thought of a word to share that we felt defined year two of marriage for us. We coincidentally each said “growth.” We grew relationally together, spiritually, emotionally. In every way possible, we grew this past year.

I love y’all deeply. And, like I have said so many times, thank you for welcoming Paul and me into your lives. We love being part of it.

***Questions about everything featured in this styled wedding shoot? You are in luck, brides! I will be posting all about each vendor and everything I am wearing in the coming week.***

xoxo- Han (+ Paul)

All Photos Provided by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake By Hannah

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Gown: Watters

Florals: Pollen Events

Photography: Cottonwood Road Photography

Venue: The White Sparrow Barn

Makeup and Hair: Kristy Rankin

Calligraphy/ Invitations: Fig and Flourish

Furniture Rental: Unique Unique Designs

Love Isn’t Logical

It’s my favorite day of the year!!!!

(Besides Christmas Day and tomorrow… which is my actual wedding anniversary.)

But, I love, LOVE Valentines Day.

This is also a fairly on a whim post, so I apologize in advance for any potential spontaneity in topics- I truly don’t know exactly where this is about to go. But, here’s the deal, the past week on the news in honor of Valentines Day has been nothing short of frustrating, because everything has been about “how to know you’re in love”, “the science of love”, “the math to love”, “testing out love”…

I just can’t even.

Listen to me, you don’t need a ‘5:1’ ratio to know if you’re in love. I just literally watched a segment on The Today Show about how if you maintain a 5:1 zone in your marriage, meaning for every 6 fights, only one is fought poorly, this tells you whether or not you are compatible with your significant other. It took everything in me to not dramatically fall over in a limp ball on the floor with great hopelessness for our world and where we are going. Instead, I just yelled “No” at the television repeatedly. Though I understand the logic of this theory… it is just complicating the simplicity of love. Because, frankly, if that’s the truth, there are many seasons of life Paul and I should have, according to their calculations, gotten a divorce. We can fight a lot! Fighting is healthy, but we are human… and sometimes those fights just don’t sound or look the way they ought to. Believe me when I say that I have uttered words (okay, okay yelled) that I would NOT want displayed for all the world to see. And, a whole lot more than this so-called 5:1 zone.

The issue with all of the segments and “scientific” explanations for love that I have seen over the last week are that they just frankly have complicated love. They have overthought it and this is the reason so many people are afraid to love at all. And I don’t just mean romantically, but relationally in general.

Y’ALL. STOP COMPLICATING THINGS.

I absolutely believe in compatibility. I absolutely believe that you should have similar life goals and you should 100% take these things into account when deciding who you should date and ultimately marry. Geographical location, “soul goals”, career hopes- these are important to cover. And, frankly, even these things will change a hundred times throughout marriage. We are two years in and every single one of these categories have flipped for us. But these are good places to start. From there, the puzzle pieces just fall into place. I am not trying to belittle people who have put so much time and thought into the process and mathematical reasons for love, I appreciate brains like this a ton… but I do feel bad for them. Life at its core isn’t about systems, categories, processes, or methods.

In the same way, love is not defined by logic. Like a faith in God, even if you don’t believe in the same God I do, we can absolutely convince ourselves it’s crazy to believe in a higher being. We can try to logically defile all the things we have written on our hearts for years… but at the end of the day, faith in God isn’t supposed to make sense. That’s faith- belief in something you cannot completely make sense of or see. If you took the time to recite out loud to yourself your core beliefs, meaning for me, “I believe in a God who created a world that fell out of line with him in a garden, and hundreds of years later God sent a son (who was also himself…) to die on a cross, ultimately reconciling the sin of the world, connecting us back to God”…. you can think, “Holy crap, that sounds crazy.” But even still, I believe it with all my heart.

Loving someone is not meant to make complete sense. It’s crazy.

Falling in love means signing up for someone to completely wreck your life in every good way possible. You are welcoming in someone to rearrange some things, and that in and of itself isn’t logical and doesn’t have a specific process. We are all too independent and selfish for that to make sense.

Are you following me?

All I am trying to tell you in this is that love doesn’t make sense, so stop trying to treat it like algebra. Keep it simple- like second grade math. Me + You= Together. 

That’s all.

God’s love, the greatest love of all, makes absolutely NO SENSE. And, even still, he loves us with everything he has. Again, love just doesn’t make sense. It won’t ever make sense. But I will keep on fighting for it.

I love y’all enough to tell you to stop complicating love. Just stop. Don’t listen to the world who tells you all these ways you have to test out if you should be with someone. (ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HOW YOUR BODY REACTS BLINDFOLDED TO THE SMELLS OF SOMEONE ELSE.) That.Aint.Love.

Let this encourage you. I hope this takes some of the pressure of figuring out love off your shoulders. Love will never fully make sense, but it will feel right. There is wisdom in picking a partner, and I hope you use it. But, the rest is up to you choosing love. You choose every single day to continue loving the person you picked. Love isn’t like pairs of shoes that you get to choose daily off of how you feel. (Thank God for that!) Once you have picked, you continue to pick that pair of heels or sneakers every single day. Follow me?

Happy Valentines Day, y’all. I love each of you so much! And, I hope you feel loved today. I pray you do not fall into the traps of loneliness; I hope for your heart to be filled with joy. The great news is that there is a God who wants to LAVISH you in love today… and every day. If you haven’t given him a shot yet, perhaps start there today?

xoxo- Han

10 Things I LOVE About You

It is just four days until Valentines Day, and FIVE until our two year anniversary! It is absolutely crazy to me that this time two years ago I was nailing down all the final details for our big day, semi-freaking out, and packing my bags for vacation. (<<< That’s the best part about your wedding- You go on vacation right after!) 

Today I am counting down to Valentines Day with ten things I love about my boo. (Anybody else a big fan of Ten Things I Hate About You?) I will forever love Heath Ledger singing in the stands to Julia Stiles. RIP, Heath. 

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.”

Okay- but seriously, moving on. 

Really simply put, the easiest way to maintain a healthy relationship is reminding yourself of all the positive things you love about your significant other- no matter how small or silly. We can have the tendency in relationships of focusing on the things that aren’t quite how we want them yet or trying to fix something all the time, but that’s not going to make you happy. And not that relationships are always about being “happy”, but I really do believe they are about having a good time and loving one another unconditionally.

So here’s my list! I encourage you to make one about your boo, too!

1. He has great hair. 

2. He is stylish. 

3. He helps with the dishes.

4. He does the laundry. 

5. He is super romantic. 

6. He is an awesome public speaker. 

7. He is extremely compassionate + caring. 

8. He is obsessed with Presley, too. (<<<This is a big deal.) 😉

9. He knows how to cook chicken or salmon for dinner. (Can I get an amen, ladies?)

10. He pursues me and Jesus consistently. 

I love Valentines Day, y’all. I hope you can soak in this holiday no matter your relationship status. Love is universal, love is more than romance. 

Love y’all!

xoxo- Han

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