Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22
This morning, Paul and I woke up at 5:22 AM to a once again sick doodle. (Poor baby.) We know you shouldn’t change your dog’s food on them without a transition time, but we bought a small bag of food from Whole Foods two nights ago, because we knew we were out of food at home and definitely knew we were beyond exhausted. We just wanted to get home and into bed so we could finally sit down for the day. We grabbed the food and said ‘we will give her this, and then buy her big bag from Costco tomorrow’, all unfolding in aisle 8 at Whole Foods. This was the worst idea ever. My poor Presley has been sick as a d-o-g, and every time she gets sick I have this overwhelming sense of regret and guilt because it’s all my fault. Trust me, I know we did it wrong.
This is nothing to do with today’s post, but that’s what woke me up today at 5:22 AM. So we went ahead and rolled out of bed to our dimly lit living room, cleaned up doodle, and got to our quiet time before what felt like anybody else was awake in the surrounding 10 miles radius. No cars driving by, no dull rush from the highway on the other side of our complex. Complete silence. Then in the middle of our quiet time, a ginormous THUD came from our closet and I legitimately thought someone was hiding in our closet and about to kill us. Alas, it was just our huge tub of probably about 50+ books scattered across our floor. This has been my morning, and it’s fairly irrelevant except to invite you into Paul’s and my life haha. This is to give you a great visual picture of our current setting, that’s all. BUT, to the point, I read my devotional this morning and it was called PUSH. It gave me the scripture above and challenged me to write out my “wise counsel”. When Paul and I got married, we got marriage counseling from a couple who stand as wise counsel in our life. We read through a book with them, and met for dinner a couple times a month to hash out things we were not seeing eye to eye on and getting over all prepared (as best you can) for life as a unit in just a few months. Part of this counseling was choosing people we trust and feel comfortable with the other going to when we are in turmoil, frustrated with one another, or just need advice that we can’t give one another. This select, special list are people that we can share anything with- our deepest struggles, our frustrations with one another, and our fears. Because, though our spouses are our confidants and best friends, sometimes we need to step outside of our tunneled perspective that exists between just the two of us, and ask for wiser counsel to speak into our situation. We have had moments in our marriage that we are at a complete dead end, and we will not find an exit on our own. Rather, we will continue in the round about we are driving on, and keep missing the turn out because we cannot seem to find a common ground.
This list will shift with life changes, season changes and circumstances. But amongst our list is parents, peers, pastors, and superiors. So this morning I wrote out my list of wise counsel in this season of life, from peers (friends in the same life stage as you) who I know can give me biblical viewpoints and wisdom, to wise women in my church community (superiors), to my pastors, and of course our parents. These are people who I trust to speak into me, who know me well, can encourage me, rebuke and refine me, prune me, and guide me. They are people I respect as wives, as business leaders, as moms, as my spiritual guides. This is the list of people that, if in a situation you are told you are wrong or should look at something from a different angle, you listen and value that especially so because it’s coming from one of your people on “the list”. This doesn’t mean discount completely anyone who gives you advice or says you should work on something that isn’t on the list, but you take it with a grain of salt. You give this list of people access into your life in a special way that others do not get. Not because you are selfish or don’t want to be transparent with everyone, but because life shouldn’t be lived with a million people offering you advice that you take action on. These people are who you have decided to entrust with the nitty gritty details of your life. Everybody in the world, no matter how great their intentions, cannot and should not help you with the nitty gritty. These are the people who, if something terrible happened, would step in and act as your sanity and guide you in decision making.
So I made my list. It consists of 10 people, 9 not including Paul. Paul loves the people on my list, and I love his. They are people I trust, and he trusts mine. If you put someone on your list the other doesn’t take their opinions seriously into account to speak into their lives or situations, then it’s pointless and you actually lose your spouse’s trust a little. The best part was Paul guessing every single one of my list without me prompting him or telling him. That is called being known, y’all. Marry your best friend. It won’t disappoint. Paul then created his list, and I guessed it 90% right… I guess Paul is the better spouse 😉 Or I am just far more predictable, a lady of routine and predictability, and I am a-okay with that.
I encourage you to make your list today, whether you are single or married! The list is so important. Pick people who are in your day to day in some way or another. This doesn’t mean literally close by, but people that play a role in this season of life. I will say it again, this list will change depending on your season of life and the circumstances which you find yourself in. Happy list making!
Kill your Monday today! Make it so great, love people well, and be kind.