Man, have you guys ever been like, “God, a sign! Anything, I will take anything you’ve got, but please just help me understand!” In these words, more or less, I was talking with God the other morning. I was confused, a little frustrated, and just asking for some direction. I threw my hands up in surrender, and truly found myself for the first time in a few weeks willing to be hands off and watch God do His thing. I don’t really get why I do this to myself so much. I know without a doubt that when I finally stop trying to control and manipulate things in my life to be exactly how I envisioned them, God takes the reigns and makes it 1000 x’s better than I even imagined or hoped it could have been. See, we serve a God who allows us to make silly mistakes. He could absolutely force me to be hands off. But the coming back wouldn’t be so sweet as it is if God controlled us like robots. That’s why God is loving. He doesn’t force us, contrary to what religion can make us believe, to follow rules A-Z and walk around under the weight of laws and enforcement. He gives us options. He allows us to make mistakes so that we know His grace all the more. It’s confusing, serving an all-knowing and in control God… Yet we have freewill. It’s one of those conversations you could go around in circles for hours about over cups of coffee. I find freedom in these kinds of confusing aspects about God by saying, “I don’t understand this. I am not meant to fully understand. I am okay with that.”
Anyways, I think it’s funny that my controlling, perfectionist self always finds herself needing to pry back the fingers from a death grip to things on repeat. Finger by finger, white knuckled grip, I let go. It’s often painful, and it often includes me hitting a low point that makes me realize I am doing it again… “Oh crap, I am doing it again. I am not trusting God with this situation fully.” It is a blow every single time. But, a bigger blow to God every time. Can you imagine? Being God, and having to constantly see your kids thinking they can do it better than you- the whole God and in control thing? Ugh. I imagine it being like what it’s gonna feel like when I am parenting Knox as a teenager. Yet, I also feel like in ways having a hard time letting of go things is “the thorn in my side”, like the Apostle Paul mentions that always made him rely on God. It kept him from being prideful, because he was constantly reminded of how much he needed God. I seem to routinely have these “AHA!” moments (Often times in the shower… because isn’t that where everybody has their best moments?). They push me deeper in my faith, cause me to press in a little further to hearing God, and *the part I am the worst at* letting go of things I can’t control but like to take a whack at being in charge of. Geez, Hannah. You think I would learn. 😉
So here is my challenge for you today, friend. If you find yourself in a situation that you’re just saying, “God, what the heck? I have tried to fix this and it’s not working. Can you please step in?” Read Psalm 86! King David, a man who had everything and was under attack by people all the time, cried out to God regularly. This Psalm is such a desperate surrender. “Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness. Give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name.”(V. 11) “That I may rely on your faithfulness.” Or, that I may remember all the other times you showed up for me far better than I even knew to ask. *Oh how quickly we forget.* All those other times you proved yourself to be so good. Then, after pouring his heart out for 16 verses about how GOOD God is, David asks, “Give me a sign of your goodness so that my enemies can see it and be put to shame.” David is saying, “Look, I know you are good and I know you love me. But, I am begging you, show it to my enemies, too.” David is asking God to flex a little in his situation at hand, so that others would fear his God and see David is covered by the Lord. It’s okay to ask God for tangible evidence, for signs, that He is working in your situation. In fact, I encourage you to pray as though He is going to. Those big, bold, specific, crazy prayers are where God shows off the most.
Read Psalm 86 aloud today. Say it a few times. Remember you serve a God who is in control and cares for every tiny detail of your life. He cares you feel pressure from the outside, He cares that you are sad, He cares you are overwhelmed, and He cares when you’ve been hurt. He cares. Give him control. Let him show off in your life. That means stepping aside, letting go of the death grip, and seeing His dreams and heart for you unfold like a blooming flower. It’s going to be far more beautiful than you ever thought. His ways, His heart, His plans… They’re all better, greater, and higher.
Love you guys!
(Jumpsuit pictured, here *different color currently available*)