And just like that, my baby is a toddler. It makes my insides ache, but I also couldn’t be more proud of the kid he is growing into. Being Knox’s mom has been the best adventure I have ever gone on. He is sweet, gentle, thoughtful, obedient, silly (so silly!), strong-willed, and tender. It’s funny, the first birthday is so sentimental and reminiscent. A celebration of “we made it a year without dying.” But this one, it’s sweet in such a different way, because it’s actually celebrating a little boy with a growing personality. For weeks we have been working up to K’s Polar Express birthday party, asking him if he’s excited and who he wants to see. And he ACTUALLY has friends he says. Ugh, it’s so fun. I love being his mommy.
This morning, as Paul and I sat anxiously waiting for him to wake up so we could give him his gift, scrolling through old photos and videos of baby Knox, I had this overwhelming realization. Here we are, pouring tons of effort and excitement into making this one day as special as possible for our son. We love him so much that we want every single little detail to feel exciting and special for today. Of course, we want him to feel special and loved every day of the year, but a birthday just is different. We got his favorite foods and invited his best friends over to celebrate him. I meticulously laid a tape choo choo track on our wood floors from the door to the living room, and we bought him an electric vintage Bronco. And it was on the couch this morning that I realized, giddy and heart racing with excitement for him to start rustling in his crib, that this is exactly how the Lord feels about us every single day. He has gifts, new mercies, and intentionally laid out opportunities for us to see Him and know Him more every day. To experience just how much He loves us and all simply because He DOES. Every breath we take is an intentional, thought out gift from our Creator. He gets giddy as we rise in the morning thinking, “Look at all the great things I have laid out for them today!”
It’s truly incredible how I feel I learn more and more about God’s character through my son. Whether it’s his pure joy and love for people that I want to be more like, or the way he pulls out in me a glimpse of the same kind of love our Father has for us. Motherhood has rocked my world. It’s made my eyes a little darker, the creases on the sides a little deeper. It’s tested my patience and made me a little crazy at times. But it’s also made me happier than I ever thought possible. The lack of sleep, the nagging “mama” as I try to ignore being asked for the same snack 300 times in a row, the kid on the bathroom floor while I just try to pee in peace… it’s all worth it. Every bit of it. My heart has been morphed into a reflection more like Christ’s all because of a little toe-head boy with a crooked, toothy grin over the last two years. I may lay my head on my pillow at night exhausted and ready for sleep, yet I also find myself scrolling through videos and aching for him to be awake again. Isn’t it funny?
Knox Chandler, you will change the world. Here’s to your third year of life and making it special. Thanks for showing me Jesus every day.
Also, y’all… This Vintage Bronco is the BEST GIFT. I honestly can’t believe the price, especially after seeing this thing in person. It’s huge and has so many amazing details. Knox played on it all morning and I can’t wait for walks in the neighborhood with it.
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