For today’s pregnancy update, I will get into what I physically felt in weeks 4-6, but I really wanted to be honest about psychologically what I was starting to feel at this time. I started having a rush of emotions and fears as the reality of pregnancy hit me.
Note: I wrote all of these updates in true time, so though some of these things have changed or stopped, I am sharing what I wrote as I wrote it to keep it as real and honest as possible.
What am I most scared about?
A couple of things. First and foremost, I am nervous about pregnancy itself. I am not that scared about being a mom, that part really excites me. But I am scared about the process to becoming one. The changes I will experience, the sickness (dear God, don’t let this last the whole time!), and the fear of labor. I am also, to be completely honest, really nervous about how I will respond to my body getting bigger and changing. Because of my history with my body, struggling with eating and obsessive habits for so long of my young adult life, I’m really nervous about what my reaction to a growing belly and thighs will be. I want to enjoy the process, not despise it. I am just prepping myself to give grace upon grace. Again… I am growing a child in me. And as I sit with a bowl of Captain Crunch in my lap currently, I would like to say I am starting this whole grace thing off on the right foot. It was literally the only thing that sounded good to me this morning and momma had to eat.
What am I feeling?
At this point, we have known I am pregnant for three or so weeks, and have made all the big necessary changes and appointments. I made my first 8 week exam with the doctor (actually, I am doing a midwife- I will share all about that decision), told my parents, grandparents, and siblings, and a few close friends. I don’t think there is anything more thrilling or sweet than telling someone you love that you’re having a baby. My daddy’s reaction and my sweet sister melted my heart to pieces, and my mom and mother in law made me giggle non-stop.
I have been nauseous for the last week, which has been miserable. Not going to sugar coat it. And, according to my Ovia Pregnancy App, next week is likely to be the worst for those symptoms. I am bracing myself… but hoping for the best!
Weeks 4-6 honestly were the moments I thought to myself, “What the heckkk did I sign myself up for?” Like, I was trying to get pregnant… I really did sign up for this, and it’s miserable.
The food aversions have been SO REAL. Things I used to love that I literally can’t look at without wanting to vomit (like coconut oil and chicken… which is like 90% of my diet pre-pregnancy), and random smells that all of a sudden bother me. I will think I really want something to eat and then start to make it, and I have to stop immediately and walk out of the room.
Chinese food is the best thing ever. Thank God for PF Changs.
The thought of a cup of coffee has made me want to vomit. WHAT?! Coffee? Haha, it’s true!
Cravings… they’re all over the place. But when something sounds good and I don’t want to puke from it, then I jump on it. One night it was a bowl of spaghetti sauce… literally just the meat sauce… no noodles. Another day it was ham and turkey with cheese. And cereal, that has been a big craving! I want Lucky Charms and Captain Crunch.
I have slept a TON weeks 5 & 6. Week 4 I felt pretty good other than feeling bloated. Week 6 I have slept about 3 hours a day and am averaging 10 hours a night. And I am STILL SO TIRED. I have had to give myself some serious grace the last week as I have been propped up on my sofa. Where I am usually a go go go girl, I have had to be a sit sit sit girl which is so hard for me. I have felt worthless and lazy just because of the way I am wired, but I keep reminding myself I am growing a CHILD in my belly and my body is working twice as hard now. Literally, pumping blood twice as much. That’s exhausting work!
All in all, even in the nausea, I am having a blast starting to really grasp the concept that I am going to be a mom. (WHAT?!)
This dress is from Landry Kate, here, and I am SO OBSESSED with it. It’s as light as a feather, and doesn’t feel like you’re wearing hardly a thing when it’s on, which is great for those outdoor summer weddings. It will also totally grow with me as baby grows, which I am very stoked about. Oh, and did I mention it is less than $50? BOOM.