Marriage

To Delight in Understanding

May 5, 2016

This morning, I woke up, filled my coffee cup, sat down in the little nook between my sofa and coffee table (which is about a foot of space perfect to curl up in with a blanket draped around my body), and read my study with She Reads Truth.

First of all, if you are ever like, “I want to read my bible but have no clue where to start”, She Reads Truth is a great place to look. It has helped me to easily navigate my bible and gives me something to read and study daily. I take what they write and then go from there. I linger on the scripture scattered throughout the text, and use it as a way to catapult my prayer time. I highly suggest it!

We are doing Proverbs now, which is one of my favorite books to read. It is a series of statements, things that will enhance and fill your life. It sounds like a series of do’s and don’ts- but it is so much more than that. Proverbs is a series of statements in which you get to hear exactly what “the good life” is made up of. It’s the Lord directly telling you, “If you want to receive the fullness of joy and hear me the clearest, this is how I have designed for the world to work.” You won’t nail it perfectly, that’s where Jesus comes in, but this is what to strive for- this is what you can look to when conviction arises or you feel something is empty or missing. So many people go to the bible as a “rule book”, a guide to life. And, though the bible is not “a roadmap”, I will say that Proverbs is the closest thing to what you are looking for. I encourage you to read it, but to also know that if you are defining the bible as a rulebook for life, you aren’t quite getting it. That’s an entirely different topic for another day, though.

Today, I read a proverb I have read before probably multiple times. I have seen it, passed over it, and never really thought about it. But today, all aboard the conviction train! I love how scripture, no matter how many times you have read it, it can speak to you differently. Read this with me:

‘A fool does not delight in understanding, but only wants to show off his opinions.’ Proverbs 18:2

I think I quite literally laughed out loud when I read this, because of the conviction I personally felt, as well as thinking about the state of our country (and world, at that) right now.

Five years ago, if I had read this verse, I would have likely thought, “Oh, it’s saying we will be happy if we understand the word of God.” Which, that is somewhat true, but that’s not what this is saying if you read around it and take it within context.

Do you know what this is saying? It’s saying that the wise do not feel the need to be right or prove themselves. It is also saying that the wise delight in understanding (TRULY LISTENING) to another’s opinion and receiving guidance and critique from others. It’s being openhanded to being formed into a better person, recognizing we aren’t ever 100% right or have it all together. To understand means to take what someone else is saying in opposition to you into actual consideration, while even, dare I say, delighting in your differences. It is delighting in receiving wise counsel from a person you have asked to speak into your life. It is enjoying conflict, and responding in a healthy manner.

Uhhhh, wait. Have any of you been watching politics for the last six months?

Furthermore, I can apply this scripture into my marriage. I laugh whenever you guys say “#GOALS” or comment on how great Paul and I have it, because… though we have a great marriage, it is CONSTANT work. We fight, and do it often. I honestly at times have thought, “Good Lord, I am sure our neighbors can hear us and they MUST think we abuse one another.” I promise we don’t, we just argue loudly. We are both opinionated, stubborn, fiery, and passionate. This means we love one another well with these characteristics (don’t ever cross one of us, or the other will fight to the death for them), but it also means we can fight each other dang well. And by well, I mean passionately, loud, and (truthfully) not respectfully more often than not.

(TRUTH: Before this photo shoot above we hadn’t spoken for about 24 hours from a fight. We had to DECIDE with one another we were done fighting. Believe me, we are NOT perfect.)

How is it we are able to love one another so deeply, but fight so dirty? Answer: We want to be right and prove our point at all costs.

What would it look like if I could actually DELIGHT in our differences, though, and respond with understanding to my husband?

GAME. CHANGER.

That’s all I have to say about that. That would be the most incredible change in our marriage if we could just love one another’s differences, and meet in the middle.

Understanding one another is delighting in our differences, and finding a way to incorporate both of our opinions into a final decision. Furthermore, to delight in someone’s pain or downfall is called spite- not love, not empowerment, not equality, not accepting of one another’s differences.

Think on that.

This is applicable in every single relationship in your life. Your relationship with your spouse, boyfriend, friends, and (yes) country.

Can we do that? Can we love one another, and ACTUALLY love one another. Let’s delight in understanding people who are different from us. Let’s delight in people who have a different perspective on a situation than us. Know what this means you’re going to have to do: HUMBLE YO SELF.

Delighting in understanding ultimately means humility.

I hope this scripture speaks to you as loudly as it did to me. I will be simmering in this one phrase all day.

I love you guys. Have a HAPPY Thursday!!

xo- Han

Conflict Resolution: Husband + Wife

March 31, 2016

I learned a whole lot about myself overwhelmingly fast when I got married two years ago. I learned I am quite particular about my routines, unbeknownst to me, and that I am highly emotional. (We lived in a loft our first 6 months, and there were NO DOORS except to the bathroom. I spent many hours crying… ok ok WAILING… in the bathtub because it was the only place of solitude!) Now I look back at this and find it hilarious. God knew what was up when we decided to move into a loft for our first apartment together. I learned also, contrary to what reigned true my entire life up to that point, that I am very opinionated, fiery, and downright a fighter in disagreements with my husband. I had no idea this human existed inside of me before moving in with Paul. Up until marriage, I classified myself as VERY passive, very non-confrontational, and terrified of upsetting someone. Paul and I are both very passionate + opinionated in all areas of life, but especially toward one another, which means that those beneficial qualities can also be our greatest nemesis in marriage. We are fighters, but we are also very open and honest about that truth with others.

I stand by the statement that conflict is good- as long as it doesn’t get ugly.

(And we have had our share of ugly, too.)

Finding healthy ways to resolve conflict early on in our marriage was the greatest struggle we went through as a young couple. (And, even still, it doesn’t come easy.) In an ideal world, maybe this is you and if so… I envy it, you and your hubs get into a fight and a few minutes later he walks in, sweeps you off your feet, kisses you passionately and says, “are we done yet?” Let me tell you what doesn’t happen in the Morrison household- that. Not even just because Paul doesn’t do that, but because even if he did, I would probably smack him upside the head for trying to kiss me while angry. 😉 Movies give us such an unrealistic expectation of how conflict resolution might look in love, especially as hopeless romantic women, but it just isn’t reality for most. Paul and I BOTH are not naturally going to come in, apologize, listen (and ACTUALLY listen, not just for the next rebuttal), and then kiss and make up. I was (am) a talker; when conflict happens I want to immediately talk through it and fix it. I have always been a fixer to a fault. I learned that Paul needs space, though. If I press him for answers and responses right after a disagreement, it will only further the conflict. Likewise, Paul had to meet me in the middle, because I fear brushing things under the rug and moving on as if it didn’t happen. This is what wells up within me the need to talk immediately. (Plus, I just really love my husband and don’t like fighting.)

We are absolutely, 100%, nowhere near “experts” on conflict. Unless, of course, you consider experts by quantity, because then that might absolutely qualify us. But, Paul and I came up with a list of things together that keep us fighting for one another even in the midst of conflict that we think might help you, too.

Fighting For The Same Team (AKA: Each Other)

1. Fight For Date Night

I cannot even count how many date nights we have left for still in the middle of a fight that either started two days before or just seconds before walking out the door. I am talking like, sitting on the bed in my heels and dress fuming, but when asked if we are staying home I say, “NO WAY, ARE YOU CRAZY? IT’S DATE NIGHT AND WE ARE GOING ON A DANG DATE.” If you are a man reading this- I feel like you can probably say, “yeah, that sounds about right…” Women are complex. 😉

Paul and I are FIRM believers in date night. Whether it is a tight budget month and we just go grab drinks and take a walk around the park or it’s a fancy dinner date we get to blow a bunch of money on, Friday nights are ours. Paul and I don’t see each other much throughout the week (we are talking, like, Thursdays if we are lucky), so we are very selfish for date nights together. No matter what the fight, if we leave for date night not talking, we come back home as a unit. There’s just something about setting aside time to pursue one another that fixes things. I am telling you, do NOT back out of a date night just because you are upset at one another.

2. Leave It, Come Back

I don’t particularly LIKE this one, but it’s true. Like I said, I tend to want to talk right away, but that’s not always wise. “Don’t let the sun down on your anger” is a verse in the bible, and OBVIOUSLY I believe this to be without error and completely true. But, where I think people take this the wrong direction is feeling the need to work it all out before you go to bed. This isn’t true. Paul and I MANY times have gone to bed still in complete disagreement, but we are not bitter, spiteful, or angry toward one another. Do you see the difference? Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave it, then readdress it whether it is 30 minutes later or 10 hours later.

3. You Don’t Have to Win

We are human- winning is the best feeling. We like to win and be told we are right. We want to hear that our rebuttals were logical + well put together as if we are on debate team, circa 2009. In love, though, sometimes “winning” isn’t in the best interest of your marriage or your spouse as an individual. Winning an argument, meaning getting the response you want, might not happen exactly as you want it to or when you want it to. Having this expectation will only harm you, make you bitter, and leave you unsatisfied by any growth your spouse DOES have in the future on whatever the topic. Loving your spouse despite your differences in opinion means that you might not hear what you want, but in the best interest of your marriage, that’s perfectly fine. Then, if you still feel it is something that needs further discussion, have a mentor who is unbiased that can lead you through resolution. (Meaning a middle ground!)

4. Never Stop Laughing + Trying to Impress

This one is SO simple, but laughing is what makes Paul and I feel the closest. Having fun together, acting as though we are still college students in love who flirt, play board games, and do silly things together. I try to never stop serving Paul, doing cute things I used to do to impress him like cook new + extensive meals or dressing in the outfits I know he loves. Paul knows I love to dance, so sometimes he will just grab me and start dancing or he will bust out goofy moves in the kitchen for me while he cooks. Paul and I can have so much fun together, he truly is my absolute best friend. I never want that to change.

I hope this encourages you. Know that Paul and I don’t nail this marriage thing by any means, but are constantly trying to fight FOR one another. Like, literally, I have already thought of a couple more I would like to add to this list… maybe I will do a part two.

If you have questions or any topics you would like to hear from Paul or myself on, email me and let me know! You are all so loved.

xoxo- Han + Paul

It’s A Love Story: Two Year Anniversary

February 15, 2016

Y’all- When people tell you time flies after getting married, believe them.

It’s absolutely nuts to me that Paul and I have been married for two years today. In some ways, I feel as though I just walked down the aisle toward him yesterday, and in other ways it feels like forever ago.

It is 6:35 AM, right now. This time two years ago, I was sitting in my closet on the floor praying and reading through the journal I was going to give Paul finally after years of writing in it- a journal to an unknown recipient from age 13 and on.

I was on the floor of my closet because: A. I lived in a loft, and all my bridesmaids stayed the night with me. There was nowhere to be alone besides the bathtub or the closet. B. Because of said loft style, I could wake up the entire place no matter where I was at.

I have shared our love story before on here, but today’s post is simply about marriage. The choice to love, the choice to remain present and committed. To be honest, I think we can all agree that the value, even the need for marriage, has been much forgotten in today’s world. People are getting married either much later in life or all together choosing to avoid the commitment of marriage with their partners. I have experienced as a married woman at age 21 severe judgement, looks of hopelessness from strangers when they hear I am married, and even being bluntly told I was too young to decide to get married.

But, I believe wholeheartedly in marriage. I believe it is sacred, and -best of all- I believe it to be the most fun adventure I have ever embarked upon.

I think it feels like forever ago that we got married, because we are such different people than we were when we first got married. We are the same… but we are different. We fight differently, we communicate differently, we love each other differently and more than ever before. Do you know what I mean? Marriage is the best, I know I talk about it a lot on here, but I mean it. That certainly doesn’t make it easy. There are days when things feel so impossible to remedy or communication is so tough that I can wonder why I didn’t just stay single my whole life. Why in the world did I choose to get married at 21? Surely life was easier before I had to communicate my feelings in order to maintain a healthy relationship. It was so much easier to hide when I wasn’t married, and it was definitely easier to walk out on people that I didn’t see eye to eye with…

But, that’s the beauty of marriage. No hiding. No running.

Someone knows you so well that you cannot even get away with faking your own opinions or emotions- at least usually not for long. Paul knows me so well that if I am struggling but trying to act like I have it all together… he knows. Sometimes even better than I do myself. In marriage, you have to be honest not only with your spouse, but you’re held accountable to be honest with yourself for the first time in your life. You actually have to address how you truly feel about circumstances or situations, because, like it or not, it affects someone else, too. If you keep quiet, you will ultimately end up bitter about things you should have been honest about months before, and that is what can ruin relationships. And, to be frank, I am really good at this. I can be awesome at bitterness and holding grudges. (I know, it is so icky.)

But, being independent cannot last forever. We aren’t created to function in solitude, but this is especially so if you choose to get married. I had to learn this the hard way. I had to learn that when you choose to get married, you choose to let someone into your life, your routines, your frustrations, your struggles. Everything.

Marriage has turned out to be the most beautiful and needed interruption of my life. I needed someone to disrupt my routines and independence.

Second, it is said ‘love is a choice’. Every single day you must choose to love your spouse more than you did the day before. You choose to communicate. You choose commitment. People who run off of emotion are who end up hurting their husband or wife. This is how so many affairs begin. This is what so many divorces are based upon- “We fell out of love.”

No, you stopped choosing to love.

Choosing love means more than just the romantic, fantasy kind of love. Choosing love means that even when you really hate to do it, you communicate and listen to your spouse. It means apologizing no matter how much it hurts to. It means sharpening and building up, even offending, if it means helping your spouse to become more like Christ. Love is offensive sometimes, people don’t like to talk about that piece of love. That’s also why I believe divorce rates to be so historically high. People want the romance, they don’t want the growth. Jesus was one of the most offensive people in the history of the world, completely wrecking what people ‘felt’ like believing. The world is on this kick of “love everyone, love everything- that’s the answer to all the problems in the world!” I do believe loving people is the answer, but the world’s version of this truth is a little off. That might make you mad, but I love you enough to be offensive. The problem with this ideology of love is that real love doesn’t let you be whatever and do whatever- true love guides you, walks alongside you, it is offensive and redirects. That is marriage.

Honesty is first and foremost what I have learned in my first two years of marriage.

Today, I feel like two years officially makes us “married”, no longer newlyweds. Is that silly? I just feel like up until today, anytime we have told somebody that we’ve been married for “x amount of months” or a “a year and…” we get a pat on the head in a ‘bless your heart’ kind of manner. Who knows, maybe that won’t change and I guess I am okay with that. It’s quite similar to the fact that I still get asked what school I go to- unknown whether they are insinuating I pass as a high school or college student.

I am so grateful for marriage. I am so grateful I have a husband who is willing to hurt my feelings if he absolutely must to make me a better person. I love that I am forced to be honest with emotions in marriage. I love that I have opened up my heart to walk through every battle alongside someone. Last night at our Valentines Day dinner, we each thought of a word to share that we felt defined year two of marriage for us. We coincidentally each said “growth.” We grew relationally together, spiritually, emotionally. In every way possible, we grew this past year.

I love y’all deeply. And, like I have said so many times, thank you for welcoming Paul and me into your lives. We love being part of it.

***Questions about everything featured in this styled wedding shoot? You are in luck, brides! I will be posting all about each vendor and everything I am wearing in the coming week.***

xoxo- Han (+ Paul)

All Photos Provided by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake By Hannah

View More: http://cottonwoodroadphotography.pass.us/thecakebyhannah

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Gown: Watters

Florals: Pollen Events

Photography: Cottonwood Road Photography

Venue: The White Sparrow Barn

Makeup and Hair: Kristy Rankin

Calligraphy/ Invitations: Fig and Flourish

Furniture Rental: Unique Unique Designs

Love Isn’t Logical

February 14, 2016

It’s my favorite day of the year!!!!

(Besides Christmas Day and tomorrow… which is my actual wedding anniversary.)

But, I love, LOVE Valentines Day.

This is also a fairly on a whim post, so I apologize in advance for any potential spontaneity in topics- I truly don’t know exactly where this is about to go. But, here’s the deal, the past week on the news in honor of Valentines Day has been nothing short of frustrating, because everything has been about “how to know you’re in love”, “the science of love”, “the math to love”, “testing out love”…

I just can’t even.

Listen to me, you don’t need a ‘5:1’ ratio to know if you’re in love. I just literally watched a segment on The Today Show about how if you maintain a 5:1 zone in your marriage, meaning for every 6 fights, only one is fought poorly, this tells you whether or not you are compatible with your significant other. It took everything in me to not dramatically fall over in a limp ball on the floor with great hopelessness for our world and where we are going. Instead, I just yelled “No” at the television repeatedly. Though I understand the logic of this theory… it is just complicating the simplicity of love. Because, frankly, if that’s the truth, there are many seasons of life Paul and I should have, according to their calculations, gotten a divorce. We can fight a lot! Fighting is healthy, but we are human… and sometimes those fights just don’t sound or look the way they ought to. Believe me when I say that I have uttered words (okay, okay yelled) that I would NOT want displayed for all the world to see. And, a whole lot more than this so-called 5:1 zone.

The issue with all of the segments and “scientific” explanations for love that I have seen over the last week are that they just frankly have complicated love. They have overthought it and this is the reason so many people are afraid to love at all. And I don’t just mean romantically, but relationally in general.

Y’ALL. STOP COMPLICATING THINGS.

I absolutely believe in compatibility. I absolutely believe that you should have similar life goals and you should 100% take these things into account when deciding who you should date and ultimately marry. Geographical location, “soul goals”, career hopes- these are important to cover. And, frankly, even these things will change a hundred times throughout marriage. We are two years in and every single one of these categories have flipped for us. But these are good places to start. From there, the puzzle pieces just fall into place. I am not trying to belittle people who have put so much time and thought into the process and mathematical reasons for love, I appreciate brains like this a ton… but I do feel bad for them. Life at its core isn’t about systems, categories, processes, or methods.

In the same way, love is not defined by logic. Like a faith in God, even if you don’t believe in the same God I do, we can absolutely convince ourselves it’s crazy to believe in a higher being. We can try to logically defile all the things we have written on our hearts for years… but at the end of the day, faith in God isn’t supposed to make sense. That’s faith- belief in something you cannot completely make sense of or see. If you took the time to recite out loud to yourself your core beliefs, meaning for me, “I believe in a God who created a world that fell out of line with him in a garden, and hundreds of years later God sent a son (who was also himself…) to die on a cross, ultimately reconciling the sin of the world, connecting us back to God”…. you can think, “Holy crap, that sounds crazy.” But even still, I believe it with all my heart.

Loving someone is not meant to make complete sense. It’s crazy.

Falling in love means signing up for someone to completely wreck your life in every good way possible. You are welcoming in someone to rearrange some things, and that in and of itself isn’t logical and doesn’t have a specific process. We are all too independent and selfish for that to make sense.

Are you following me?

All I am trying to tell you in this is that love doesn’t make sense, so stop trying to treat it like algebra. Keep it simple- like second grade math. Me + You= Together.

That’s all.

God’s love, the greatest love of all, makes absolutely NO SENSE. And, even still, he loves us with everything he has. Again, love just doesn’t make sense. It won’t ever make sense. But I will keep on fighting for it.

I love y’all enough to tell you to stop complicating love. Just stop. Don’t listen to the world who tells you all these ways you have to test out if you should be with someone. (ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HOW YOUR BODY REACTS BLINDFOLDED TO THE SMELLS OF SOMEONE ELSE.) That.Aint.Love.

Let this encourage you. I hope this takes some of the pressure of figuring out love off your shoulders. Love will never fully make sense, but it will feel right. There is wisdom in picking a partner, and I hope you use it. But, the rest is up to you choosing love. You choose every single day to continue loving the person you picked. Love isn’t like pairs of shoes that you get to choose daily off of how you feel. (Thank God for that!) Once you have picked, you continue to pick that pair of heels or sneakers every single day. Follow me?

Happy Valentines Day, y’all. I love each of you so much! And, I hope you feel loved today. I pray you do not fall into the traps of loneliness; I hope for your heart to be filled with joy. The great news is that there is a God who wants to LAVISH you in love today… and every day. If you haven’t given him a shot yet, perhaps start there today?

xoxo- Han

10 Things I LOVE About You

February 10, 2016

It is just four days until Valentines Day, and FIVE until our two year anniversary! It is absolutely crazy to me that this time two years ago I was nailing down all the final details for our big day, semi-freaking out, and packing my bags for vacation. (<<< That’s the best part about your wedding- You go on vacation right after!)

Today I am counting down to Valentines Day with ten things I love about my boo. (Anybody else a big fan of Ten Things I Hate About You?) I will forever love Heath Ledger singing in the stands to Julia Stiles. RIP, Heath.

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.”

Okay- but seriously, moving on.

Really simply put, the easiest way to maintain a healthy relationship is reminding yourself of all the positive things you love about your significant other- no matter how small or silly. We can have the tendency in relationships of focusing on the things that aren’t quite how we want them yet or trying to fix something all the time, but that’s not going to make you happy. And not that relationships are always about being “happy”, but I really do believe they are about having a good time and loving one another unconditionally.

So here’s my list! I encourage you to make one about your boo, too!

1. He has great hair.

2. He is stylish.

3. He helps with the dishes.

4. He does the laundry.

5. He is super romantic.

6. He is an awesome public speaker.

7. He is extremely compassionate + caring.

8. He is obsessed with Presley, too. (<<<This is a big deal.) 😉

9. He knows how to cook chicken or salmon for dinner. (Can I get an amen, ladies?)

10. He pursues me and Jesus consistently.

I love Valentines Day, y’all. I hope you can soak in this holiday no matter your relationship status. Love is universal, love is more than romance.

Love y’all!