Hannah Morrison

5 Things I Did for Me

This year has been wild… We all know that. Both the world as a whole and in my personal world behind closed doors, everything as I knew it blew up in my face a year ago [almost to the day] and… Although I didn’t ask for it and it’s been quite painful, it’s also been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, to be honest. This year, I took back my life in so many areas. I said NOT TODAY, SATAN and started doing things that brought me joy, and I pitched the things/commitments/relationships that didn’t. I Marie Condo-ed my life and it’s been awesome. Painful? Yes, of course. I won’t romanticize the work of pruning. But, the end result sure is lovely.

Below is a list of 5 things I have done for ME that made me feel like ME again. I brought back hobbies and parts of me that have died over the years, either from stress or just phase of life. But, not anymore. I am bringing back the best me, and here is how I did it!

Voice Lessons: YEP! I have been a singer quite literally my entire life. My family loves to tell stories of how I would put shows on without hesitation in the living room and make up songs. I was in the best choirs at my 5A high school, sang at church, sang the National Anthem for games at my school etc. Then, in short, anxiety took over my life after some fairly hurtful and traumatic situations in my young adult life. And with those, my gift became a source of deep anxiety. I didn’t sing for nearly 5 years when I graduated from high school. And though I have been a worship leader the last 5 years of my life, my anxiety and fears have always bubbled under the surface. So, I decided it was time to get me back! I have been taking lessons with a worship pastor who, quite honestly (whether she knows it or not) has been equally a voice coach as she has been a therapist to me. She literally has made me preach the lyrics of my songs to empower me to find my voice again. I have started writing songs again and feeling a freedom in my voice [both my singing and quite literally] that I haven’t felt in ages.

Counseling: I have always encouraged counseling and always will. I truly see counseling as integral to your overall physical and emotional health as healthy eating, working out, and friendships are.  Find somebody you love, respect, and who has a life (private and public) that you honor. I love my counselor so much. And even when I come in feeling GREAT with nothing particularly to talk about, I leave a better person because of my time with her. As a wife, boss, leader of a church, mom, and entrepreneur… I need a healthy space to get poured into spiritually, emotionally, and to speak into my businesses.

Audible Books: I just recently started to do this… and I am such a better person for it hehe. But, no seriously… my husband literally just told me this morning he feels like I am being goofier and more playful lately – Overall less stressed. I chalk it up to having a fiction book going all day and allowing that creative space of my mind to work and floruish. Any time I have dead space to fill and could start scrolling on IG or turn on the television, I have started to do an Audible. I also turn it on while driving or doing my house work. It’s just been so great for my mental health. I feel calmer, my spirit feels at ease, and I even feel more creative in my work from filling my headspace with less social media.

Break Rules – Have Fun: I am a 9 on the Enneagram with a very evenly split wing 1/8. If that sounds like a foreign language to you – basically, I feel a whole lot of feels and can be very commanding about those feelings and equally need a LOT of structure. In seasons of stress, I tend to tap into my wings heavily. I have found as I have gotten older that my spontaneity and love for fun has been overshadowed by a need for structure and rules. SO, I challenged myself to start breaking my rules to give my boys a better version of me. A little less structure (within reason) and a little more space for fun. This has looked like ice cream for dinner, a picnic on the ground of our new house without plates, staying up past bedtime for one extra episode of Knox’s favorite show, snuggling in my bed for cartoons before 10 AM…. I have a lot of rules, which isn’t a bad thing. BUT it has become something I cling to for security when my life feels chaotic. If God is supposed to be my only source of true security, though, I need to break the tie to rules where they need the breaking.

Work Out: I have shared about this on here before, but my Peloton is a daily dose of sanity for me. Hopping on for even a 20 minute ride is so good for my headspace. I am a better mommy, wife, and boss when I take the time to get a quick sweat in. I love my bike and truly think it’s worth every penny spent.

What hobbies or life commitments can you make to bring back YOU. Whether you’re a momma trying to carve out space to feel like you each day or a working lady juggling the office and friendships, we can all commit to doing 5 things for ourself that make us our best self!

Building a Home & Financial Tips

We are just WEEKS away from moving into our new home, and I am over the moon. We close on our current home next week and will prorate rent it from the owners (who happen to also be some of our BFFs hehe) until we get the keys to our new place. To be honest, this transition couldn’t be easier and I know it won’t always be the case if or when we ever move in the future, but dang I am thankful. It’s been so fun walking this building journey together, and I wanted to put the most asked questions here about it for a reference sheet in the future if ever you build.

I wrote about picking your builder and location here a while back. Today I wanted to focus a bit more on the logistics and financial side of it all! Of course, there are many different avenues in which you can buy and build, so do note as you read that this is just one of many. We are buying with an FHA and closing in advance on our current home sell so we don’t have any looming contingency clauses of any kind. Those aren’t bad by any means, but since we could sell to our friends with such flexibility it REALLY made this all so much better. If a seller is flexible, you can ask about a contingency as well for in between buying/selling. Often times, people will do a contingency with 60 days if they  put an offer on a home but need to sell their current one to be able to actually purchase the home. For us, we are stoked that we can pay off our current home loan, have our equity sitting in our account and pull the trigger the moment our builder tells us the home is ready for us to move in.

What did you have to put down? We had to put down 3.5% of the home as our earnest money. Your earnest money is essentially a down payment that you can’t get back if you back out of the build at any point. It’s securing your home and tells the builder you are serious about building. Fully custom builds require more down because it’s more customized and in theory tougher to sell if you were to back out of your contract. Make sense? The best part about it all though is we paid our earnest money (and over 3 months, which we totally didn’t expect the option for!), and instead of having a check written to us at closing of that amount, we are opting for it to transfer to the builder as our down payment. So when you buy an already built home, you need your down payment AND closing costs all at once. But, since we’ve really already paid our downpayment, we’ve had this entire year to put money away for our closing costs *which is far less than the down payment.* You tracking?

How did you save up for the home? We have been on a financial journey for a couple of years, and it’s actually been fun to be honest. I like to say we’ve been doing the Dave Ramsey-ish plan with virtual envelopes. Paul is far more educated on all things Dave Ramsey than I am. But, I took the envelope system and ran with it. You can read about our banking system here. It always has felt odd to me to talk about money, but I genuinely have learned I love it and have enjoyed helping my friends reach their own goals. This post about our banking hack has been one of my most read and asked for posts ever. I believe that says SO MUCH about you and this community – we mean business with our finances! So even though it feels taboo to talk about it, I have learned talking about money is really helpful for us. So, top thing, the banking hack has been HUGE for us. In addition to that, we started paying massive payments toward debt (appliances we’ve purchased/medical bills/cars/etc). This has freed up our monthly income as well as heavily spiking our credit scores. For the first time in my life, I have a credit score over 700 and I feel like I can take on the world hehe. To reach our goals, we’ve been living entirely on one income as best we can for over a year and putting all surplus into our savings.

So… I have a savings… now what? TBH this part is hard for me and where Paul is smarter. If it were up to me, I would keep my savings account untouched and save it for a rainy day. BUT, there are far wiser things to do with it. 

Investments

We have had money off and on in stocks, and it’s been a huge help as we’ve prepared for buying our new home. We basically start with a number and continue to invest that amount, sending the surplus to us as an income. Though we have chosen not to has investments running for a while due to the state of the market/world, we will be starting this back up once we move with some of the money we have saved up. Paul trades with MT Options.

Debt Snowball

Paul has a plan in place for us *with Dave Ramsey* to do what he calls the Debt Snowball. We have really big plans for our savings to put toward debts like paying off cars and school in the next 3-5 years. Ultimately, putting what we’ve saved toward those assets and debts will free us up from monthly payments early in life and be essentially worth more than owe. Two years ago, I would have thought the idea of paying off a car in two years sounded like insanity… now, it’s very digestible to think about when you follow the plan. *But… trust me, I would be lying if I didn’t challenge Paul on it multiple times a week because it DOES feel scary to pay such large amounts* But, honestly, it’s just true… Dave Ramsey is onto something. Our whole life shouldn’t be paying debt… It should feel weird that our society has made it so normal to live in debt and on payment plans.

Our NEXT big goal that I am dreaming about *and I mean dreaming, hehe* is to start property investments! We will see… it’s a very early stage thought. But, my BFF and I have some plans 😉

I hope this helps you navigate your own finances! What are your goals? Write them out and start taking steps TODAY toward them.

I was pregnant and had a baby during a pandemic

Can you believe it has been a year since the word “pandemic” entered all of our lives? A word once found only in our history books has become a reality, and it’s weird. It’s sad. It’s confusing. It’s, well, a lot of things. I surely never in a million years thought I would have to navigate pregnancy let alone deliver a baby in the midst of a pandemic. I never dreamed of having to get video of my ultrasounds for my husband as I ventured into my appointments alone. I never dreamed of wearing a mask while gasping for breath in between pushes. It’s been a lot to process, even 6 months later.

There were days I just cried on the table in my OB’s office. She would encourage me and found herself, among all her other tasks as a doctor to so many, counseling and caring for the hearts of her patients through the unwelcome situation we all found ourselves in.

And then, I had a baby. In a pandemic. And then, a day later had a baby in the NICU. In a pandemic. Then, I was stuck at home with a baby. In a pandemic. It was easy to be angry. It was easy to feel overlooked. It was easy to feel lonely. And I definitely felt all of those things at some point.

Now, as we approach the one year mark of this insane time in our world, I find myself looking back at all that has happened. Sure, I am a mom who faced just about every hurdle possible this year, and I certainly tripped over them more than once. But I also am a mom who – regardless of the circumstances- carried and birthed a perfect little boy who conquered the NICU. I am a business owner who stayed afloat through a pandemic and managed to build a dream home in the middle of chaos. See, if this year has taught me anything, both in motherhood and life, it’s that our circumstances do not have the power to define our outcome. We do. Our joy and our outlook on life are in our hands. When everything is so out of control, our perspective is something we do have the reins on. With God as my source of unshakable joy, I can say this year has actually been the best year of my life in so many ways. Not because the circumstances set the stage for an incredible year, but because I see the good in everything that has happened. Perspective is everything. I choose to see the good. I choose to see that I am a warrior mommy who had a VBAC with a mask on and delivered a baby boy in 13 minutes of pushing to avoid a c-section again. I choose to see that when it looked like I should have lost all my work, it doubled. I choose to see that I got months of extra time with my husband and sons before the rest of our life as pastors of Cadence Church.

There is good to be found. Always.

My body and mind have been through the ringer, I suppose, over the last 12 months. And if you’re a mommy who also had a baby in 2020, please hear me say you’re a freaking champion. It’s okay to feel sad and happy all at once. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by what the year brought. It’s okay to grieve that the first year of your child’s life has looked anything but normal. I have family who have yet to meet Rory, and it sucks. It shouldn’t be this way, and yet, here we are. It’s okay to be disappointed. Also, hear me when I say this, it’s okay to need help. It’s okay to want to process what you’re feeling with a counselor or therapist. Everything you’re feeling is completely valid. Seeing a Biblical counselor has been the best thing I ever did for myself. 2020 was freaking hard.  Every little detail of my life was not NOT affected. But I have also been effected in ways that have shaped me into a new woman. I have grown into a new version of me as a mom, as a wife, and as, well, me.

I will be a statistic in history books, I am sure, as a woman who had a baby in the midst of the 2020 pandemic. Rory will be a number in records as a baby born in a pandemic. But it certainly doesn’t define either of us. It is simply part of our story, and is one we will tell.

5 Favorite Things (that actually add value!)

Happy Thursday, y’all! Today is your day… I just know it. I am cheering you on. I know the last few days… months… year for all of us has been incredibly heavy. I hope you find hope in reminding yourself today that this world IS NOT OUR HOME. We have temporary angst here and will replace it with eternal life in a home that is free of … all the mess. Keep the faith. Keep loving others. Keep praying for peace in such unsettling times. You can’t control what’s happening in the world, but you can control what happens in your home, your heart, and your sphere of influence.

I am sharing 5 things I am loving right now that have brought something of significance to my life or routine lately. It’s fun to share my favorite new pair of shoes or jeans or whatever, but today I want to give you things that have truly helped a sista out lately hehe.

  1. Eat to Evolve Meals: WHOA, lunch just got easier. I gave them a shot and really love having some healthy lunches and breakfast in my fridge. Right now, Cadence is doing 21 days of fasting. Every year we kick off the new year with 21 days of prayer and fasting. We pray for vision, direction, and revelation. Paul is doing a Daniel Fast, which means no meats or sweets or … well, a lot of things. I am doing a fast from social media until 10 am everyday *for reference, I am usually up working around 6:30 AM every day and my job IS social media* and no alcohol/clean eating. These meals are categorized as Paleo/Keto/Whole30, and I just pop in the microwave for 90 seconds.
    **Join us in the fast! You can at any time. It can be a food fast or a soul fast. We really believe that in our weakness, God is made strong. When we step aside and remove distractions or vices, we are more in tune with the Lord. Fasting is key to prioritizing and hearing from God.**
  2. Make Life Beautiful: You guys, if you have an entrepreneur bone in your body… read this. I got the book hoping it’d be a design book for our home/I just like them so I figured maybe I would enjoy their book… Oh my gosh. I had to actually stop reading it before bed, because it fired up my creativity too much to sleep. I was waking up in the night with new ideas. I now enjoy reading it in the morning after my devotional to spark my creative juices for the day.
  3. Pumping Bra: Okay, listen, we all know I had a word or two to say about Elvie. I was thoroughly disappointed in my product and even more so by the customer service. BUT, before it broke on me… it was really nice to work hands free while pumping. This bra has helped significantly. I can work again while pumping (which is every 3-5 hours depending on let down still) as I exclusively pump.
  4. Vital Proteins Collagen: I shared about this on my stories last week and I am definitely including it on this list today. I use it every morning and my hair literally went from falling out by the clumps to … not. Literally within 24 hours I went from coming to terms wiht the fact I might need to wear a wig for a bit to hopeful my hair would grow back since it quit falling out.
  5. The Ordinary: This stuff is the real deal and only $10. I wash my face and apply a small dollop to my face for the day. I have also learned to SERIOUSLY stay far away from your eyes… haha. I think I accidentally got it on my lids by not washing my hands before applying moisturizer? Anyways, regardless of how it got there… it did. And my lids swelled up. But that’s on me lol. This stuff has brightened my skin and even my skin tone out significantly. And did I mention it’s ONLY $10!!! Do not spend $100 on a Vitamin C Serum. This one is fantastic.

Goodbye, 2020

A year ago, I sat down and wrote my end of the year blog post reflecting on the past decade as we were entering into 2020 in just a couple of days (here). So many incredible milestones had passed, and as I sat 2 months pregnant with my now 2nd son and knowing that our dream of church planting was a very real conversation unfolding, I knew so many more were yet to come. I sat with expectancy, but also a bit of unease. I could feel God was preparing me for a life-altering year, which I thought would be a, b, and c. The things I had planned on. The things I had discussed. The things I had written out a plan for in my imaginary timeline of events that fit ever so perfectly together.

I have been as open as possible throughout this year and that it’s been, well, difficult. I established this space of the Internet with the intent of teetering the line of “too honest” for the sake of unity and cultivating a space of vulnerability, and yet I have literally found myself in so many scenarios that I literally couldn’t share about. It’s been incredibly hard for me. Whether because it wasn’t honoring to or it was simply not my story to tell, or -like discovering Rory was a boy and not the little girl I had thought God told me I was having- some things have simply taken me a long time to process. Many pieces of our story from the last year will never be told, and I am okay with that. But, I mean, truly, from NYE/New Year’s Day of 2020 when I found out I was so very wrong about what I thought God had spoken to me about the baby in my tummy, all the way to even today as I sit writing… this year has been the year of disappointment. (Or so it has seemed.) Seemingly every detail of our life has been blown up in some way or another. I mean, like, heart wrenching, nauseating, slamming the steering wheel screaming, gasping for breath in between tears disappointment. I have faced grief-filled months of waking up anxious, certain something new would surely pop up that day to cause more disappointment, all within the same months a new baby came to my family who brought me more joy than I could ever imagine. Joy and heartache aren’t separate -they can very much live in the same space- but navigating both at the same time is awfully confusing.

As I sat in the NICU with Rory, alone because COVID restrictions wouldn’t allow for both Paul and I with our baby once I was released as a patient, I would sing worship for hours weeping over … everything. Literally, everything ha. God had told me to name Rory, Rory Liam, because it meant “Protector King. And that through my pregnancy I was going to gain trust in God as our Protector King. And then, as I sat in the most uncomfortable rocking chair surely not designed with postpartum moms recovering with a 2nd degree tear in mind, I would ask God, “You are sure you see what is happening… right? Because, I mean, this is starting to feel a bit cruel if you do. If you’re our Protector King why the $%#$^ am I sitting here in the NICU with my son after everything we’ve been through?” I remember leaving the house one day to see Rory, telling my parents how mad I was. “It’s not supposed to be this way!” I wept in the kitchen wanting to throw glass or plates or something that would show how down right angry I was, not only about my child who for some reason wasn’t breathing on his own correctly, but the way everything in our life seemed to be going. It was exhausting. I was exhausted. My spirit was exhausted. My faith was running thin. How can I keep being “a good Christian” when I feel so angry about how seemingly unfair life appears right now?

I literally am weeping all over again writing this, because oh my gosh I see the fruit on the other side of our hurt. But, y’all, I am here to tell you I have felt seemingly betrayed by God before. I know the feeling. I know what it feels like to think “WHY ME? THIS MUST BE A JOKE.” I am also here to tell you, friend, that He is always working. He is always working on your behalf. Ugh, I know. When you’re in the middle of the storm, hearing phrases like that feels so silly. “Oh sure, He’s working for me… How kind of him to do… absolutely nothing I can see for a glimpse of hope today.” Mhmmm, I can write it out in confidence now, because I am healed from that season. Although, hear me when I say that recovery is a longer process than the initial healing. When you get a sport’s injury, the bone may be healed after time in a cast and it may grow easier to share about what happened when people ask without wanting to burst into tears. However, the physical therapy to keep fixing what was damaged takes longer. Often times you get to play back in the game, but see the PT for a good taping before the game. Let’s say I am in the PT phase hehe. But I am no stranger to feeling hopeless and cynical. And I am sure some of you have felt that before, too. Others of you may even feel exactly like that today as you read. Come. Sit a bit longer. Let me pass a virtual cup of coffee across the computer screen to you and encourage you. In some of my darkest days of 2020, I read the story of David and Saul. David was a man after God’s heart who saw confusing, treacherous days in between the word spoken and the promise fulfilled for his life. And yet, in face of adversity, David always chose honor and to trust God. It was like ointment on my wounds every day when I read what David did, and I saw the same fruit David received in our own life so tangibly every time we exchanged curses for blessing . With every ounce possible within us, we’ve fought to bless the spaces the devil has fought so hard to crush. When the pain and confusion of 2020 didn’t stop -with every new lockdown, every new personal trial, every new unknown that knocked on our door holding hands with our unwelcome friend, Heartache- I clung to the story of David.

When slander and lies came our way, God blessed us so abundantly in other areas of our life.

When we ached to have our baby boy home, He worked miracle after miracle inside the NICU for Rory.

When people we loved walked away, He blessed us ten-fold.

When we stepped out in faith over and over and over toward what we knew was for us, He blessed every step more than we could have asked, hoped or imagined.

God is so sweet. It has somehow worked out that in 2020, in the midst of such pain and confusion, I also experienced the nearness of God in ways I have never known in such a way until this year in desperate need. I have never needed to deeply know God the warrior like I did this year. I have never needed to know God the fierce protector like I did this year. And, it made me fall more in love with my God than I ever have before. This year, though I hope for one never again quite like it, I can say I am better for it. I can say my marriage is better for it. I can say my family has clearer vision for it.

If you are still in the thick of asking God if He sees what’s happening… I get it. Allow yourself to feel that. Allow yourself to be angry. BUT, surround yourself with people who see the good with you and for you when you don’t have the eyes for it. And, stay in scripture. If we don’t remind ourselves of truth consistently about God’s character… then it can be really easy to rewrite a narrative about it that is straight from the lips of the Devil. When Rory turned blue in my arms for the third time and had to be resuscitated, I so desperately wanted to throw a fist up to God. Peace out, man. You’ve clearly left us.

Community and scripture didn’t let me.

Renew your mind daily in truth. Water it, even in the middle of a drought. You gotta keep it fresh. And then, as you know I probably was going here… You will see how good it was. YEP. The sucky things of 2020… it’s for your good. God didn’t design crappy things to happen (don’t get that twisted). Sin in a broken world welcomed crappy things into God’s perfect design. But, God is the only thing or person capable of making crappy, good. I know it is true for you, too. I pray you can see it. I pray you can know it.

I am charging into 2021 with excitement. Not only because I want the heck out of 2020 (hehe) but also because I feel equipped. I feel prepared. I see the mountains ahead for us to climb and I can’t WAIT to do it. I truly believe more is to come that I could have ever dreamt, but it wouldn’t be appreciated if I hadn’t tiptoed on the floor of hell and back this year. You know what I mean?

So, friend. I see you. I see you exhausted after the insanity EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US faced this year. Literally, every single one of us. But man, I hope you can see the fruit of the struggle. I know I am grateful for it. Happy New Year, friend. I am believing the best is yet to come for you, too.

LET’S GET SOCIAL