Fashion

Respect & Security

February 15, 2017

There are two things over the last three years that Paul and I have learned firsthand are the key to success in communication (and less fights) in our marriage. We can pretty much narrow down to these two things in any fight as the root of our frustration.

For Paul, it’s respect (or lack of). For me, it’s the need for security.

If you are married, engaged, or have ever been in any type of relationship with a person… perhaps you can connect on this. Most men’s greatest source of frustration in a relationship is feeling disrespected, and as it should be. Men have been placed as the head of the household, as leaders, and when we do anything but empower them… there’s bound to be frustration. As women, we flourish most when we feel secure, stable, provided for, and loved gently. When I don’t feel secure, be it finances, health, or relationally, I feel out of whack.

Knowing these two things about us, though, changes the way we approach confrontation. How can I respectfully tell Paul how I feel? How can I, while honoring who Paul is, tell him my frustrations. How can Paul come to me gently to correct me that doesn’t knock me off my feet, but rather stands me up a little straighter? How can Paul make me feel fought for?

When we don’t keep these things in mind is when our fights can go from 0 to 100 in .2 seconds. That’s when our tiny tiffs turn into yelling matches. We know just what to say to build each other up and just what to say to destroy, and it spirals fast.

Know your spouse. Know their strengths, know their weaknesses. Love what makes them thrive, and approach with compassion what you know hurts them the most. You can use this knowledge to either benefit or to hurt them more, so choose to not use it to harm. In anger, it’s so easy to poke and prod the things we know will cut the deepest. It’s instant icky satisfaction. But, know that in doing this it will cause long term damage that a quick, well-spoken confrontation wouldn’t.

So as we step into year 4 today (HOW?!?!), we named our past year as the year of stability. Which, in my need for security, has made year 3 not only my favorite year of marriage to date but one of my most favorite years of life to date. Funny how that works, huh? Year 1 was learning, year 2 was growth. And with year 3, the gears starting meshing together. We started moving as a unit together, career changes and moves helped us work together in a way the first two years just simply didn’t allow for.

I am ready to hit the ground running this year. I told Paul this morning, “Oh my gosh, year 4, we are entering into senior year!” 😉

Thanks for following along our life, our marriage, our joy and our struggles… everything. You guys truly are the best. I am so thankful for all of you. Thank you for welcoming me into your lives through this internet thing.

xoxo- Han

How amazing is this leopard tunic from Landry Kate? They have just stocked up for Spring and you DO NOT WANT TO MISS IT.

Shop online or, if you’re local, stop by the store.

All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake by Hannah

Our Story

February 12, 2017

It’s pretty hard to believe that in just a couple of days Paul and I are celebrating 3 years of marriage. Did you know that 20% of marriages that will end in divorce will do so before the 5th anniversary? That’s a shocking statistic. Plus, the statistic skyrockets if you get married in your early 20’s (which we did.) We have had all odds fighting against us. And, to be honest, Paul’s and my first few years of marriage were the classic stories of “newlyweds” you so often hear about. I wish I could say we were one of those couples that never fought and the honeymoon phase never phased out… but our honeymoon phase went away week 1 back from the honeymoon. I have literally thrown a remote at Paul, locked him out of the bedroom, and wailed in the bathtub multiple times because there was nowhere else in the apartment to cry at. (Living in a loft our first 6 months of marriage was… testing. God is hilarious.) 😉 In our first three years, we have had the same two or three fights on cycle and it can feel hopeless at times. Will we ever come to healing or a healthy resolution over _______?

(I am writing a whole piece on some of this for those of you who asked me to re-cap the XO Conference!)

Looking back at the last three years, if we didn’t have wise counsel and Jesus at our core, we could have very well been part of that divorce statistic. Just being real- I can see how it could be easy to walk away. I am not saying I ever would, I am just saying I can see why it’s such a high number. It’s hard work marrying someone, and when things get frustrating or you’re having the same fight for the 10th time that week… it’d be so much easier to say you’re out. But that’s when reminding yourself that love is a choice is so imperative. No marriage runs on emotion forever- not one. We all have to daily wake up and say, “I choose you still.”

Anyways, time flies and it sort of scares me, yet I am hopeful and excited about what is to come. Sometimes I do wish we could go back to when I was barely 19 years old and had just met Paul. I was mesmerized by him in a way I had never known before, and I still get butterflies thinking about those first few interactions we ever had with one another. We get asked “our story” a lot, so I thought in the spirit of Valentines Day and wedding anniversary, I would share the quick(ish) version of it and give some nuggets of encouragement.

First off, something fun to know about my own story that points back to Jesus and how real God is:

I literally asked God at a young age to make me sick with every boy I dated who wasn’t my husband until I met the person God wanted me to marry. (I was a very strange child.) And, in true God fashion, he answered my prayer very literally (even when I fought it!). Paul is the only boy I didn’t get sick to my stomach from, and he was my first actual relationship. Up until Paul, I had never been able to hold a relationship for more than a few weeks at a time, because I never liked being tied down and I literally got nauseous and anxious every time “girl friend” was given to me. Yet, I “dated” the same few guys off on all throughout high school. I liked being liked. I am serious… it was very complicated and hurtful. Number one piece of advice I have for people dating: Don’t ever force yourself to date people, no matter how great they are! You’re both going to get hurt in it.

In a culture that says “if you’re not dating, something is wrong with you”, it’s easy to convince yourself that maybe it’ll start to mesh together after a while. But, truth is, if you are having to force yourself at all, then it’s likely not it for you. I often tell myself I hope I run into those few people so I can apologize one day for how terrible I was to them.

Enter Paul

All that to say, it was a Sunday night at the 7 PM service and I made my way with my friend Ryan to our usual spot before service. As we walked up to our seats, there was a long line of boys to which Ryan began to freak out at as he ran up to hug them all. He knew this long line of good looking men who were all roommates (score), and I particularly got a good look at the blonde with the hoodie on over his head who seemed the least interested in meeting me on the end of the row. After service we hadn’t even made it out the door before I started asking Ryan about the Paul guy with the hoodie.

Through a series of events, Paul’s roommates told Ryan that Paul wouldn’t stop talking about me to which Ry spilled the beans I couldn’t stop asking about Paul. This was the start a few week long chase. Every week I went to church knowing I would get to see Paul the hoodie boy, and I would get to say hello to he and his friends. Finally, Paul -sort of- got my number for a Halloween party that didn’t actually happen because I couldn’t even make it. (This is a funny story, too, but I won’t tell it because it is too long.) I asked Paul a month later to go with me to my sorority formal to which he said yes and then TOOK BACK. Yeah, Paul denied going to my formal with me.

We hung out in groups for a couple of months, getting dinner and coffee and hanging out after church as often as possible. We finally went out for coffee in early December to share our stories with one another, and I knew quickly this guy was going to be my husband. I came home and told my roommates I was going to marry Paul. (We weren’t even officially dating!) Finally, in January, Paul asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes and didn’t drive home trying to think of ways to break up with him. So, I knew this had to be at least something special.

We broke up at one point, and got back together a couple months later after accidentally attending the same birthday dinner for a mutual friend. (Oops) I ended up being put in the chair next to Paul at dinner (another oops) and heard him talk all about things he was learning from being a counselor at a camp that summer. He basically said word for word every single thing I had prayed for him to grow in after we broke up.

I knew we were supposed to talk about that, and I knew this was still my husband. It had to be.

We met up one night at his house, played Mario Carts and built a couch fort, and I left knowing this was the real deal.

A few months later Paul proposed to me. My life with Paul has been a whirlwind. Far from perfect, but definitely the best experience I could imagine. There are certainly nights the both of us have laid in bed thinking, “My gosh, what did we get ourselves into?” But, there is always the moment we decide to kiss and make up. That’s love. It is never going to be easy, and it will always be a battle, but I believe in marriage very whole heartedly. The last three years I have grown more as a person than ever before, and all done with my hubby by my side. Not necessarily because I was married, but because I had a best friend cheering me on and challenging me. I suppose where I am getting at is the fact so many of us fear marriage anymore, because it could strip our independence, or take away our “freedom”, or maybe we will be that 20% who get divorced before 5 years…. blah blah blah. “I don’t want to marry him until I am established in my career.” Listen, I don’t mean to get harsh or super opinionated, but as someone who got married at 21 with nothing but everything in life to figure out, I can say very confidently that marriage doesn’t strip you of who you are- it pulls out more of you. Just like a best friend can do, it’s the same idea. We don’t put best friends on hold until we have a, b, and c figured out… so why put marriage in that box?

So what’s my advice in picking a spouse? What matters is finding someone who brings out MORE of the truest you. It’s that simple.

Marry someone who cheers you on in everything you’re doing. Someone who says they believe in you, drives with you to take OOTD pics (!!!), who notices your cute outfits but tells you you’re pretty the most when you have on a sweatshirt and no makeup. Someone who will take you to Braums at 9 PM because you desperately need it, and who will grab you lady products, wine, and chocolate without batting an eye. Someone who gives advice and leads you well while also giving you space. A man who sees your strength and grace as a woman who he has the joy of walking through life with (and visa versa). Someone who sees your business idea and says, “Let’s make it happen.” Someone who doesn’t fear your success, and WANTS you to succeed. Marriage doesn’t suck your independence out or lock you into “settled down” jail… a healthy marriage just encourages you more than ever before to flourish into all you’ve dreamed of being.

You don’t have to be married to flourish. Don’t read that wrong. I am saying that if marriage is on your mind, if you’re in a serious relationship but are scared to take that dive… don’t be. If you are with someone who loves you and believes in you, that doesn’t change once the marriage license is signed.

I love y’all BIG. My inbox is always open for questions. If you want to know how we did it, married so young, or what we fight the most about, or how we seek counsel… whatever you want to know, I want to answer to the best of my ability.

Love you.

xoxo- Han

All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake by Hannah

Dress is from Skylar Belle Boutique

Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear

February 8, 2017

Grab this amazing dress here

I love Valentines Day. It’s a day to be intentionally reminded of my relationship with my husband, of my family and friendships I cherish so deeply, and of my greatest love, God. I love celebrating love, and I am so grateful to know how unconditionally I am loved by the people I hold dearest to me.

Yet,

I also know that, though a day to remind us of great things and eat chocolate without a care in the world, and receive cute Hello Kitty Valentines with lollipops on top, in some stages of life this holiday can be tough to face. Sometimes, the last thing we think we want to be reminded of is love. And, I get it. I don’t even mean just romantic love, but all relationships. Relationships are hard. Valentines Day day can feel sort of like rubbing salt in the already open wound. It can remind us of terrible relationships past, or maybe of the one the got away contrary to what we fought so hard for. Or, perhaps it reminds you of parents that got divorced, and there is the fear of that happening to you, too. Valentines Day can bring up a slew of emotions. But, it would seem that fear overwhelmingly takes a top spot.

Sure, I guess if you think about it, there is a lot to be afraid of in love.

Perhaps this is why God tells us to “guard our hearts” so intently in Proverbs, though, because “it is the wellspring of life.” Meaning that the state of our heart, what we fill it with and believe, will dictate how we view the world around us. It’s the spring from which everything flows. So, we have to view love well and put our hope in the right love in order to love others well. This doesn’t, however, mean to block out all chances of being hurt in love by never letting people in. Or, by falsely protecting our heart in love with other people. Relationships are great, and they certainly are fun, but that isn’t your identity and it’s not your heart’s protection. People are going to let you down. Neither of those scenarios are what “guard your heart” means. Guarding it means reminding it of its worth- the truth that God’s love conquers all and is above all else. Love definitely can be scary, but it’s worth it. It’s risky and you will absolutely end up hurt every now and then. No matter how much I love my husband, I will fail him. I am bent toward sin, I wear my sassy pants way more than I would like, and I can be sharp. I say stupid things I can ask for forgiveness from, but cannot ever take back fully. We are sinful creatures. My husband and I literally fought yesterday morning so loudly I was embarrassed to take Presley out for a walk, because I am certain all of our neighbors must have heard us.

Yeah, love can hurt. Even in a seemingly healthy marriage, love can deeply wound.

But, look at this quote from Four Loves by CS Lewis that actually quite literally changed my life during a break-up with Paul (yes, Paul and I broke up for a couple of months in dating!!):

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.”

If we want to love others or receive love at all, we must open up ourselves to being okay with getting hurt. Otherwise, the only other way to remain without wound is to live in hell, be it hell on Earth or in the life, or should I say death, to come. This is where I got it wrong for so long. I shut people out in response to hurt I had experienced for so long. But, God created us to love lavishly in order to better know him. Anything else is less than what he has in store for you. We are called to community, and into friendships, and into relationships, because every single person can teach us about the character of God. And, consequently, when we get hurt, our relationships remind us there is only one perfect love, and we are called to seek after him above all other loves. See, God’s love will never fail us- unlike our friends, family, or spouses. God’s love is perfect. This is why the Bible says that “perfect love casts out all fear.” No other love can do this. But, when we are in relationship with God, knowing that perfect love personally, then we can love others fearlessly.

Then, especially so on our days we would rather not think about love because of hurt, those are the days to remind yourself of real love. God’s love. It will influence every other relationship you have.

You tracking with me?

We can love others because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 (John likes to talk about love a lot.) We cannot fully love ourselves or others if we do not first recognize how much God loves us. Literally to death- that’s a big deal y’all. You’re deeply loved. Walk in that truth. Be fearless in your love of people. Pursue people wholeheartedly. Reflect the love of God that is fearless and bold, and find your identity in that perfect love. Not in anyone else’s. I can assure you, it’s not as good and that kind of love is only temporary.

So, wherever you find yourself this Valentines Day, whether in a new budding relationship, a solid foundation, or in solitude for the first time in a long time… whatever your situation, remind yourself of love that casts out all fear and let that dictate your other loves.

Know your worth.

xoxo- Han

All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake by Hannah****

This dress is the most perfect LBD I have ever owned. I am in a small in these photos (I am 5’2 and a size 0) I was nervous that because it wasn’t specifically a petite fit that it would swallow me. BUT, as you can see, it didn’t! I am obsessed with dress and just thinking of anything I can wear it to- like my upcoming Valentines Day date or anniversary dinner! xoxo

Looking Back with Gratitude, Looking Ahead with Anticipation

December 27, 2016

2016 was unpredictable, exciting, fulfilling, satisfying, adventurous, and so much more.

The days after Christmas are quiet and slow, a complete change of pace from the month and a half before of “the holiday season”. The days after Christmas are a juxtaposition of being both depressing and joyful. I hate taking down Christmas decorations, but I look forward to setting goals for the days to come and reflecting on the year past. If I had to pick, I think I would actually put this past year as a top 5 favorite years to date. Paul and I have so much to be grateful for every single year. We truly do have so much to be thankful for, and I know more often than not… we take that for granted. But there was just something different about this year, and I could feel it. I saw it, and I was so aware of it. We made strides in our careers, moved forward with confidence in our marriage, made hard decisions, encouraged big changes, and continued to build the foundation to our future home & family.

We celebrated more, fought less, and laughed a lot.

So much happened this year, and it was all so thrilling. I feel like Paul and I were cheerleaders for each other, high kicking with pom-poms from the sidelines… okay, maybe just me in that specific mental picture… but you get the idea. It is so fun to be married young and grow up together. So many say we are crazy, a minority of people naive enough to believe we could actually find someone we want to be with forever at 19 years old, and that the chances of staying with someone when you get married at 21 are not high. You won’t “find yourself”, your independence is stripped of you, and you will never fully thrive as an individual… yet, I have found marriage to be quite the contrary. I believe in marriage, and I believe that two hearts beating with the same fire is stronger together than separated. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, I believe in the covenant. I believe it’s more than the “old fashioned way” to do things, but truly what we are called to do if we find someone we love and want to be with. And listen, marriage isn’t the end all, be all. It really isn’t. Paul says in the bible that we are better off NOT married. (There’s a lot of meat to why he says that.) But, should we find someone our hearts beat with passion for, we are better together than apart. Marriage isn’t everything. If your timeline doesn’t look quite like you always thought it would, I promise that life is just as full for you. Don’t let the world tell you something is “off” if you aren’t married by age ______. Frankly, as someone who got a lot of crap for getting married at 21… it feels a little like “danged if you do, danged if you don’t.”

I don’t know why I just went off on that tangent, but I assume it’s because someone out there needed to hear that. So, soak that in. Love where you’re at, and praise God in all things. We all have things that we definitely didn’t imagine would be the way they ended up panning out. That’s life. And I choose to praise Him still.

Just the other night during date night while we were driving around looking at Christmas lights, Paul said he loved growing up with me. That line melted my heart. It was also kind of funny coming from someone who is about to turn 27… but it’s so true. We met when we were just babies. We both are changing constantly, taking risks and leaping for the next goals. But, how fun to do that with your best friend by your side? For better or for worse. We get to choose daily to keep loving the person our spouse is morphing into, supporting them and fighting for their dreams with them. Paul and I are both entrepreneurs at heart. We have to force ourself to stop dreaming up new business ideas and building things. One of my Christmas gifts on Christmas morning sent me into a whole new idea for The Cake Shop, and we started coming up with plans for it over our Christmas morning coffee, snuggled up on the love seat. (It’s kind of a problem… ha) But I couldn’t have asked for someone better to walk through life with me. He is truly the best support system, and believes in me way more than I do myself.

If you would have told me this time last year that I would finally start The Cake Shop for The Cake by Hannah in 2016… I really don’t think I would have believed it. I would certainly hope for it, but probably not see it as a reality. The Cake Shop has been a dream of mine since two Christmases ago when I first launched my blog. I really wanted to launch it WITH The Cake Shop, but God’s timing to be able to was way better than my own. So, here I sit almost two months since launch, and completely blown away by all of your support. I thought surely the only people who would be my first customers would be family and friends, but you all have shown me I was so wrong. I cannot say enough how grateful I am for each and every one of you. You have truly made my dreams come true- to create community and positivity in my own little corner of the internet. Together we can make a movement, change the world, and #LoveLikeCake. We can spread goodness across the earth through everything we do. We can spread kindness like buttercream frosting, thick & generously, without reserve.

2016 I tackled things I have been so afraid of for so many years, and all the while I battled the worst anxiety I have ever had in my entire life. Funny how that works. I entered back into giftings of mine I never thought I would pursue again, and I look forward to all that 2017 has to offer specifically in that arena. I stood up for myself in ways I never thought I could, I battled lies in my head about who I am and what I am worth. Most importantly, I laughed a lot, danced in the kitchen more, and stopped taking myself so seriously all the time. (I am still trying to get better at that.)

I am so grateful for you all, and I can’t stinking wait to show you what all I have been dreaming up for 2017. For The Cake Shop, it’s gonna be all new products, new types of items… and some seriously amazing tees and clothing items. You made the soft launch of my shop better than I could have ever hoped for. I wish I could bear hug each and every one of you. The launch of my site was way less than perfect… like, a semi disaster. And STILL you poured in your love and support, and sent me sweet messages. AND, the best part, you bought my product and loved it. The best thing ever has been watching you post photos in your tees and sweatshirts. I have cried multiple times at your posts, just being blown away that ANYBODY would care to join me in being kind and support what I am doing other than maybe my mom. That ANYBODY would care to follow my life, my wardrobe, my marriage, and my struggles… like, that is crazzzzaaaaay but I am so freaking thankful. As I have said so many times, I pray that you never just see me in anything I do. I hope you see that what I love, talk about, and even wear!- it’s all a reflection of how good the God is that I believe in, know personally, and see work in my life daily.

As for the rest of 2017, there is so much to be excited for. Our dreams of buying a house were set back (that was on our list for 2016), but we are believing in being debt free for 2017, and purchasing our first home. I can’t wait to see what all God has for us. What all we will accomplish and get to cheer one another on in.

Thank you (again), every single one of you. Thank you for following The Cake by Hannah, for reading my posts, and for being such encouraging people. I am forever grateful.

Infinite x’s + o’s- Han

All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake by Hannah

You can shop this ADORABLE ensemble at Landry Kate. The long duster and green peplum top are both from there. I am so obsessed with both. This cup of coffee is from my favorite little coffee shop on the Mckinney Square, Snug. (They have the BEST daily flavored drip!)

#TheCakeatKate

Christmas Eve- Anticipating Hope

December 24, 2016

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

It’s one of my most favorite days of the entire year- Christmas EVE.

There is something so special about this day. The anticipation you have worked up over the last month (or more for us early birds…) has finally come to a climax, candle light Christmas services, putting cookies out, family coming in from out of town, and following old traditions that we have done for years. It is the best day.

I think that we can all agree, truly no matter which end of the political spectrum you land on or whatever you are passionate about, that 2016 was unpredictable and weird. It’s been a weird year- not even JUST because of politics. Crazy things have happened, more tragedy, more national scares, more things to be aware of because of this or that… It’s been a wild year.

This year has also been a year of personal growth, a year that I have had to lean more on God than truly ever before. A year I have had to remind myself almost daily that I have a God that is in control, and I am certainly not. I have been more aware of the presence of our God who, because of a baby that came and was born for you and I, is close and intimate. He is relational and friendly, he is close to us like a father or best friend.

Isaiah, a book of the bible that the top scripture is from, was written by a prophet 700 years before Jesus ever came to walk the earth. This man predicted the birth of a savior that the people of God were waiting for, anticipating, anxiously awaiting, hoping for, praying for, desiring more than anything else in the world in the midst of oppression and chaos… Ahh, much like we do for Christmas day to arrive. Year after year they prepared their hearts for the fulfillment, believing what has been foretold and promised would indeed come to pass. Sound like Christmas? Ah, more like the best Christmas ever.

Perhaps this whole season really does reflect the hearts of god’s people- it really is all about Jesus.

The book of Isaiah is one of the most historically confirmed books of the Bible, meaning not many scholars would argue that Isaiah didn’t exist and that he predicted things that absolutely came true. Link all of the history together, all the facts, all the puzzle pieces as I talked about a few posts back. Either Jesus was crazy and a whole lot of people were easily manipulated to believe his craziness, or he was indeed who he said he was.

I pick the latter.

For unto us a child is born. THIS WAS WRITTEN 700 YEARS BEFORE JESUS.

Unto us a savior is given.

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

I encourage you to read Isaiah 9 tonight, followed by the Christmas story found in Luke 2.

We get to feel every single year at Christmas time just a sliver of what the people of God felt thousands of years ago waiting for the arrival of their savior. That childlike faith, the fluttering of our spirits, that’s all reflective of the hundreds of years the people of God waited. Because Jesus fulfilled the prophecy, he came and did what he said he would, we get to live with that hope of the savior within us. It’s no longer a time of waiting, it’s simply choosing to grasp his love and accept what he has already accomplished.

Merry Christmas, sweet friends. I will say this once more, if you don’t have somewhere to go tonight, I would love to see you at Anchor Church. We have services at 3:30 and 5 PM, and you are SO welcome to celebrate with us. You are so loved.

xoxo- Han

All photos by Cottonwood Road Photography for The Cake by Hannah

My sweater (my new favorite one, to be exact!) is from Landry Kate! You can call in for it, and they’ll ship it to you.