Hannah Morrison

We Fasted from TV for 21 Days

Phew, I feel like it’s been a hot minute since I have been in “my groove”, and I wanted to check-in with you guys to say “Hi, I am here,  I am working on a lot of new content for you, and I promise this whole MIA thing on the blog isn’t/won’t be the norm.”  Thank you for your grace and patience with me as I have tried to figure out a new rhythm. If you’re new around here… here’s a quick update for you: A few weeks ago, I was hospitalized for contractions, and we aren’t talking Braxton Hicks. I was having real deal pre-term contractions (holy moly, that pain though!), and they had to keep me over night. Essentially, sedating my uterus to keep me from going into labor at 22 weeks. The Lord moved and worked in my body in ways I truly can only say “That was the Lord”, and I honestly believe I got to be part of a miracle through the power of prayer and God’s grace on my body. We went from them telling me “You are a worst case scenario right now” and “Let’s just make it to 24 weeks where he can, in theory, live outside of the womb with a lot of help” to being completely healed. Measurements they had made day 1 of my cervix were completely different day 2. Now, at 26 weeks and a week out from the third trimester, Baby Boy is still cooking nicely, moving around a whole lot, and though my contractions are still happening, they aren’t frequent or near as painful. PRAISE THE LORD. Although, I will say, I am kind of thankful for the test run we had. I have the personality of someone who likes to know exactly what she is in for or about to do. I ask a million questions to prepare myself mentally, and I do not do well with walking into any situation blind or off the cuff. So now, I know what is in store for me with contractions, and we got to experience exactly where we will need to go when I am in true labor… It honestly, in a weird way, has made me feel a little more prepared. I am thankful for my contractions I have had, particularly the ones that made me fall over in the middle of downtown Mckinney… haha. But, no really, I feel like I got to prepare myself for how to cope with them and fight through them. Anyways, so after I returned from the hospital, I was on bed rest for a week (and, at the time, we thought I might be put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy). Clearly, my schedule has been way out of whack for a few weeks, I haven’t been able to shoot much for you guys, and I have to take things a little slower than before. Thank you for walking with me in it all.

Alright so fast forward, though, and here we are! Paul and I just came out of a 21 day fast with our church, and we chose to fast from TV together. We had known about this 21 day fast way before what happened with me, which ended up to be funny timing. We decided the only thing we were allowed to watch all 21 days was our summer show Big Brother, because it is something we do together and it’s a weird time of bonding for us. I honestly wasn’t sure how hard it would be to keep the television off, but it proved to be extremely tough. I work from home all day, and I didn’t realize how often I turn the television on just for white noise in the background or to feel less alone. The struggle was even more real being on bed rest… what the heck am I actually supposed to do when I am confined to my sofa on my side? Which, let’s be real, I sucked at bed rest. My mom stayed with us a few days to help out and I got in trouble every 10 minutes, it felt like. After she left, Paul had to get on me all the time. I would mindlessly get up, clean, rearrange things… I am totally my grandmother. And, every time I would go to pick up the remote, I would catch myself and pray (and giggle at how mindless routine can be). I was forced to prayer, silence, and rest.

With my bed rest, I felt helpless and worthless… I feared being called lazy (which is crazy, I know)- but, just being honest, being called “lazy” is one of my greatest fears in life and I was being forced to feel that fear and face it head on. (Ugh, we are baring it all this morning aren’t we? Ha) I had a really hard time with being told to sit, do nothing, don’t work… and not only was it good for me, it was expected of me. I was being forced to face a major idol in my life and there was nothing to distract me. No Gilmore Girls, no Friends, no news… just silence. Wait, what? Don’t work? But, I have worked a job and done “things” since… well, forever. I have always worked. You are telling me not to be productive in any way? I can’t even COOK? I tried to cook one night, and I almost was hospitalized again. Clearly, there was a lot to pray about. And, with the fast, that kind of was all I was able to do. We were having trouble with our wifi in the middle of all this, so even after my week of bed rest was over, there were days I couldn’t work because my wifi wasn’t working. We only have one car, so I couldn’t hop in the car and work from a coffee shop… I was stuck. Finally, one day I had a melt down. What in the world was God trying to teach me?! Hadn’t I given up enough? (That’s literally what I asked him… oy.) I have always known that I can easily fall into a trap of being defined by my performance and work ethic, and I was being forced to look at my idol straight in the eyes. Like I said, funny timing. But, of course, God’s timing is perfect timing and there was no doubt purpose to the timing of my bed rest being in the middle of our fast.

What was great about our fast as a couple was Paul and I didn’t get to sit down after a long day of work to a screen where we were “spending time together” … but not really. We had to be intentional with conversation and time. We played board games, read books, cooked and baked, played with Presley outside, or went on drives. We went to bed less frantic feeling and woke up more rested. My biggest fear with Baby Boy on the way, along with some other life changes before he gets here in the coming weeks, is losing my time with my husband. Like, y’all, I wept on the sofa the other night thinking about how my time as just us is about to be over in a few weeks. It will never be just us in our home ever again. I grieved what was, and though excited beyond belief for what is to come, I don’t do change well and I have a hard time allowing my comfort to be tested. Having a baby certainly rips up and tosses out the window routine and comfort. Then, in my grief, I have felt a little guilty… like how can I be sad when we are about to be crazy blessed? But, a friend and fellow mommy told me this yesterday:

No matter the sweetness of a change, it is still change and it means there is time to grieve the loss of something. 

I cried immediately when I read her words, because I felt the guilt of grief lift from my shoulders. I felt validated in all of the emotions I was feeling. And, as she is now the happy mommy of a beautiful boy, there is hope on the other side of the grief and change. This is why we have Godly community. It’s so necessary.

So here we are, week 1 out of our fast, and trying to keep a rhythm of intentionality. The TV is there, but we are aiming to keep it minimal. I really loved the time we had together with no television, and I don’t want to lose that intentionality especially in these final weeks of just us. Fasting is hard, but it is a beautiful thing. As believers, we are called to fast from time to time. Sometimes, we fast for something specific for God’s intervention. Other times, we fast because it’s an act of obedience. Whatever your reason for a fast, there is always fruit. Keep your fast between you and God while you are in it, and pick some community who can keep you accountable. See what he is teaching you, what obstacles arise for you to face without distraction, and how you can pray more in it all.

I love you guys so much, and I am so grateful for you!! Like I said, there is so much new content coming to the blog. We have been hard at work over here creating and shooting, and getting back in step with things. I can’t wait to share everything I have in the works with you. I took note of every single thing you sent me for content suggestions, and we will be rolling it all out in the coming months.

xoxo- Han

My Worship Playlist

I get DM’s and emails from you guys quite a bit asking what my worship songs are that I am listening to in the morning, and wondering if I have a playlist to share. I haven’t had a sharable playlist to send, but I spent a while compiling all my favorite go-tos that are on repeat right now for my quiet time/all day long onto a Spotify station!

I will add to it as I find new songs I love. But, as it stands, these are my latest favorites and a few classics.

 

‘You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
where there is no water.’

Psalm 63:1

‘Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.’

Psalm 42:11

‘Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.’

Psalm 105:1

 

Welcome To Our House!

“But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.

My mouth will tell of your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation,  all the day-

for their number is past my knowledge.

With the mighty deeds of the Lord God, I will come.

I will remind them of your righteousness alone.”

Psalm 71: 14-16

If you read that title and didn’t start singing that song… what’s wrong with you?! 😉 But anyways, in case you didn’t catch it, Paul and I just bought our first home. (Insert every single happy emoji right here.)

Next to finding out I was pregnant, moving into our first home has been the most surreal experience of my life thus far. And, one of the longest processes ever ha. I have found myself crying and saying “thank you Jesus” over and over and over since moving in. I have prayed for this home for years, and time after time I have had to say “I trust you, Lord” as my dreams and desires for settling into a home were deemed “not possible right now.” It hasn’t been an easy journey, and I have been pruned and molded in my discontentment over the last 3.5 years painfully but beautifully. But, sitting on my sofa with a cup of coffee, a “Mom to Be” mug no less, and looking around the still, quiet of the morning in our home has brought my heart to worship each morning we’ve been here as I reflect on all God has done in our lives to get me right here in this exact spot. I have literally been jolted awake so early every day just because I am so excited and want to go sit and soak it all in.

So, today I celebrate, first, the Lord’s faithfulness of bringing a home to fruition for us.

Here’s where I really want to go today, though, because I know we are all in different seasons of life and waiting patiently to buy a first home might not resonate with you. Maybe you’re in high school trying to figure out where to go after graduation and your dream school didn’t accept you, maybe you’re in a season of singleness or experienced loss recently, maybe you just went through a heart wrenching break-up, perhaps you’re waiting to finally read “positive” on that pregnancy test after months of failed attempts, or maybe- like us- you are actually waiting for the right time to finally buy a home and settle some roots and kiss goodbye the game of apartment hopping. Whichever one of these seasons of waiting and feeling unsettled you connect with, whatever you might be facing, I want to tell you to continue the race, continue the fight, continue to trust even when it feels impossible, and (the main piece of encouragement for you) seek contentment in all seasons while still praying toward the end.

 “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Here’s my story, and though we are all in different seasons or different circumstances, I pray you see God’s goodness and faithfulness. The Lord is in absolutely every season you are walking in, and there are things he is teaching you and there are absolutely blessings if you just open your eyes.

So… apartment living. You might be one of those city people who love living in their flat or cool apartment. If so, right on! I, however, never lived in an apartment my entire life until I got married. And let’s be really honest with one another- I liked the apartment life for about three months… and then my heart began stirring and longing for a home. And let me tell you, we were nowhere even close to being able. One of my first pitfalls to contentment in the beginning of our marriage was comparison. I compared our situation to people’s I saw on Instagram or on TV. I would get so discontent and frustrated that we were so broke while others our exact age were living so lavishly. We were literally going negative every single month, over-drafting and begging Wells Fargo to give back our overdraft fees so that we could eat that week. (Not kidding, y’all.)

I also was comparing the life my parents provided for me to the one I felt my husband was… oy, this will ONLY lead to destruction you guys. I hated even writing that sentence out… it felt so icky. Their story: When my parents got married, my dad was just shy of 30 and mom was 23, and my dad was already deep into his career, had owned his own businesses, and was a successful realtor. He owned a home that my mom got to just move right into, and because that’s all I knew, I compared my situation to theirs. Did I mention my dad was almost 30? Our story:… Paul and I got married at 21 and 24. We both were just starting careers and just working jobs to pay the bills (our careers have changed drastically over the last 3.5 years). Paul hated his job so much that I had to yell “you are the light of the world, a city on a hill, do not hide your light under a bushel!” down the hall every time he walked out the door to work. Needless to say, we were definitely not anywhere close to home ownership when we got married. We were just trying to keep our head above water month to month, and it certainly caused a lot of tension between us.

But here’s what the problem was- because, let’s face it, what Paul and I were experiencing as newlyweds… it’s the norm y’all: But, where I failed was the more I compared my previous life and securities to my current situation, the more bitter I grew. And, I was very much so dishonoring the vows I had made to my husband without even realizing it. I didn’t see it as an opportunity to grow together and learn and laugh together, but I just was always frantic and frazzled feeling. The more discontent I grew, the easier it was to get upset at Paul about the little things. 

(Am I getting too real for you yet? Am I stepping on your toes yet?)

If you are engaged, married, or even plan to be married one day, my greatest piece of advice to you is to never compare your husband to another man, especially your daddy or previous situations. I will say though, funnily enough, over time I have said more and more “I married a clone of my dad.” You will likely marry someone who resembles your dad, if you grew up in a home with a good fatherly figure, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I married a man who works hard as heck like my daddy, and his mannerisms are often things my dad did or said. But, comparing how my dad provided for me vs. how Paul was establishing a home and working his B U T T off for us to make it in the beginning was destructive.

Discontentment in seasons leads to bitterness and frustration.

Another thing I had a hard time with for so long was my longing to settle roots somewhere. But, my reality was 4 different apartments in 3 years and feeling anything but settled. As someone who grew up in just a couple homes, moving only because of a change in dad’s job, I felt the need for the same stability and security of a home.

Listen, none of these wants are bad: stability, security, roots, establishment. But they become a hinderance when they block your view of all that is good before you right now in the present. Anything that becomes a greater desire than the need for Jesus exactly in the season you’re at is a road block that YOU are establishing. There is no greater gift than the present, and God made Paul and me lean on him over and over in our discomfort, and in my discontentment, to teach me what is important. I saw God’s protection and my faith was challenged at every single apartment where we 1000% experienced warfare. God allows for warfare in order for us to be pruned, grow, and learn- and clearly, I had a lot to grow in. Look at the story Job for the most intense example of God allowing spiritual warfare- all still while being protected by the love of God. I absolutely believe in satan’s armies, but I am not one to always be like “Ohhh that’s the devil!” when something bad happens. But, every single apartment we lived at since the day we got married, we had odd, over the top attacks happen to us that got to the core of my discomfort and challenged my security that were no doubt attacks from the enemy. Both of which are two of my greatest needs both personally and just as a woman.

Sexual harassment, a break-in, a dog attack out of freaking NO WHERE in front of our apartment, being followed and watched, a man who unscrewed our tire and we didn’t know until driving down the highway, illegal drugs coming through our vents at all hours of the day while pregnant and our apartment management not believing us… 

All of it- true stories and this is not even close to everything I could share. It got to the point that every single place we moved to, I would pray for God to go before us and coat the walls with his protection. I had to trust God with every move, laying down my desire and knowing I just needed him to go before us. I had to ask him to show me his goodness in every situation, and lean so heavily on him all while trusting that each move was getting us a step closer to where he wanted us. (Ultimately leading us to Anchor Church almost two years ago.)

This is the fruit I got to experience from 3 and a half years of fighting feelings of discontentment. I learned so much, and Paul and I both got to the point that we would genuinely say, “If we never make a penny more than what we do collectively right now and live in an apartment for a long time, I am so thankful for what we get to do that I wouldn’t even care.” I don’t take it for granted for one second that we have the ability and are trusted to lead hundreds of teenagers in their daily lives, use this platform to speak Jesus and truth daily, and that we get to work from home together. Guys, that’s not normal but it’s definitely a dream- I am so thankful. We got to the point that if we stayed exactly as things were financially/living-wise, we were so happy just to do what we do and grateful to God for what we had.

Aha! A heart change.

All the while, of course we prayed for a home throughout each season and each apartment. We got A LOT wiser with our money over the course of 3.5 years, and our perspective shifted over time. All throughout the frustration, I praised God and I got better and better at thanking him for what I did have- not just asking for what I wanted to be in or where I wanted to be at. The righteous acts of God are numerous (see top scripture from Psalms), and I learned to thank him in all seasons for his goodness and numerous blessings.

I am certainly not saying that every time it clicks for us, God will give us what we want. He isn’t an “if-then” God- I remember my mom teaching me that at a really young age and it’s something that has always stuck with me in my prayer life. But, he does care about the desires of his children’s hearts, and he will handle your desires with care. For us, that meant an amazing story of getting into the home I currently am sitting in (read here). But, it could have also meant living happily in an apartment for 5 more years, and I would still be sharing my story of heart change and finding contentment in all seasons.

I pray you are encouraged today- whatever it is you’re waiting for. Fight discontentment by praising Jesus daily for a list of things you’re thankful for. Every morning and night when I pray, I just start by thanking Jesus for all the good things in my life. It sets the posture of your heart upright and looking straight ahead.

As for these photos by Cottonwood Road Photography, I nearly wept when they were uploaded. I still can’t believe that we are here, and I am so grateful. (Have I said that enough yet?) Sure, I could have waited to share photos of inside our home until the walls are the color I want, the curtains were hung, or the fireplace is resurfaced just how I want it… but that is cheapening all that God has done for us. So here’s our living room exactly as it is with what we moved in with, and I am happy as a clam. There is a whole lot of blank spaces, but I love it that way. We only have space to grow- a home full of babies, love for one another, and a whole lot of dancing. I get giddy thinking about eating chili with a fire in the fireplace this fall, and pumpkin candles all over my home. I get thrilled to think that in just 4 months, I will have a baby in the midst of my FAVORITE time of year… I can’t wait to hang ornaments on our tree in the window with a baby strapped on the front of me, Paul putting lights on the house, and soaking in every single second of the holiday season as a new little family in our amazing new home.

Ugh, all the feels y’all. I seriously can’t stop smiling.

My whole entire outfit shown is from Landry Kate. You can DM them (@shoplandrykate) about my kimono and top, call them up, or just shop online for similar items! If you want to shop with me, seeing what I have on the must-buy list for our new home, head here. I have made shopping for a light and airy space easy for you by finding all the best items out there and putting them in one spot. 😉 You’re welcome. 

xoxo- Han

For my curls, I use the Sultra Bombshell wand, here.

Change of Plans

Simply put: This summer has been insane, but in every good way possible.

Literally everything that could be thrown at us felt like it’s been thrown at us. From a complete change of plans to broken down cars, and a whole lot of other things not worth getting into that challenged safety, comfort, and well-being. Yet, every single outcome has led to the most perfect situation and I am just in awe of how good God is. I want to share a story of waiting, excitement followed by disappointment, fear followed by deliverance, and God’s faithfulness through it all. I really want to share the story of the farmhouse I have shown briefly a few times on my Instagram, which we were moving into until exactly a month ago, and even though we didn’t end up moving in- it’s still a story of God’s care and faithfulness that got us to where we are now in our first home. I don’t want to not share about the farmhouse just because we ended up not moving into it. Some would decide “Well, that wasn’t the Lord’s plan, no sense in sharing that. It’s only a good story if it came to completion.” But, I beg to differ.

The Farmhouse

A year ago, I left a letter on the gate of a near million dollar piece of land with an old farmhouse that I had watched for months sit on the market. It had evidently been on and off the market for years, but I had noticed it this time around on the market and was so confused why it hadn’t sold yet. An old original farmhouse a couple miles north of downtown Mckinney Square… on 27 acres. What a dream! What gives? This small town girl who dreams of living on a ton of land again one day to raise a family was dying over the idea of 27 acres randomly in the middle of Mckinney. It was the best of both worlds for Paul and I.

So.. after a couple weeks of wrestling with the idea of leaving a note on the gate, I finally did it. I felt confidence in the scripture “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe you have received it and it will be yours.” (Mark 11:24) Paul thought I was crazy, but he has learned to just go with my crazy dreams and they usually pan out just fine for us. (usually) I also felt such deep conviction to leave the letter that if I didn’t, I really felt I was sinning because I felt I was being told to trust the Lord and see him move. So as you can probably put together, they responded to my letter as they happened to be in town the weekend I decided to finally put the letter on the gate (come on), and for the last year we have been working with the owners of this farmhouse who, turned out to be, the original family of those who built the home in the 1800’s. This home is a piece of history in Mckinney, and I was so excited to be part of the legacy. The reason it hadn’t sold yet is because they couldn’t stand selling the land and home to commercial property developers who would likely just bulldoze the home. So, over the course of a year we had multiple meetings with the city of Mckinney and the owners, learning about their plans to build a road through the back part of the property and widening the road in front of the home, and financing the home/land, etc. All the fun stuff… haha, and we decided we were actually going to live in the home for a year or two where it was at, and then move the home to a piece of land outside the city.

It was the perfect plan, the dream, and it felt like it was all panning out to be exactly what I wanted.

Now, we said throughout the entire farmhouse process that all was a “go” unless Paul’s Uncle Will, who we both trust and respect deeply, said “Don’t do it.” He is heavily involved in the real estate business with his job, has done many house projects, and we would do just about anything he told us to. We finally got to take him out to the property, and though he saw the same vision we could see, he told us the realistic numbers to making it what we wanted/what it needed to be with baby now coming, and it just wasn’t realistic. Having a baby changes, well, everything. We couldn’t do everything we needed to fix and update in time before Baby Boy gets here. We left dejected that afternoon, actually… heartbroken. I absolutely cried, but even still, Paul and I stood in such unity that we couldn’t move forward with this plan. It’s amazing how true it is that God knits your hearts together in marriage. Our aunt and uncle encouraged us to really look at houses still and find something ready for us to move into to make the transition of baby easier. They reminded us that buying land and building a farmhouse could be just a few years down the road still. The dream wasn’t over, just on hold because life changes happen. So after dinner, Paul and I went and drove around looking at houses and half-heartedly decided to go look at one we thought was too good to be true on Zillow.

We instantly loved it. It was actually still available- only on the market two days. It was so cute. And, funnily enough, it resembled the farmhouse we literally had just decided to not go with after a year of having my heart set on it. Really God?

We emailed the realtor that night, he said he could show it to us the next day.

We emailed our lender the change of plans, and prayed they would pre-approve us for the home.

And, we waited… all but 12 hours.

We woke up to a pre-approval for the home, which we had never gotten before. We had struggled for months with lenders trying to get the loans we needed for the farmhouse, because they all said my income as “self-employed” hadn’t been solid for three years yet (I only started making money a year and a half ago…). Yet, somehow, we got approved at the snap of a finger this time around. When you are obedient, the Lord just opens doors.

We went and looked at the home, and it was anything but disappointing. It was exactly what the photos portrayed, and we were in love. We put an offer on it that day.

Then… we waited… again, about 12 hours… and the sellers accepted our offer.

Y’all, this is literally all within less than 48 hours of all our plans completely shifting and feeling like we had nowhere to live (without getting into it- we had to get out of our apartment) and no plan for our baby who was coming still whether we felt ready or not. The Lord cared so deeply for us, and he provided over and over again. Our mourning turned into dancing, our weeping turned into laughing.

He showed up. We knew he would, but he showed up big.

I write ALL OF THIS to A. fill you in on a year’s worth of stuff that I haven’t shared with you yet and B. because someone needs to hear this! Doors close, bad weeks happen, but it always is followed by the sun. We genuinely felt attacked, under spiritual warfare the week before all of our plans changed. Paul isn’t one to say “this is the devil”, because he is super rational and always has a reason for something. But the week everything was dying on us in our car- all while I was out of town (remember the time I accidentally stole a tire from Wal Mart?) and we were being attacked (literally) by people in our apartments, and we had a flood in our apartment, Paul knew this was more than just life circumstances. Something was coming that Satan was scared of, and we were excited to see what it was going to be. Even in the chaos, we knew there was something great on the horizon. Satan doesn’t tremble and send his army out to attack unless there is a battle worth fighting to him. What he doesn’t get, though, is that we are covered by Jesus and nothing is going to stop his plans for us.

Most people would probably not be proud of the farmhouse story because of the way it panned out. The dream didn’t shake out the way we had thought it would, and so many would say “God wasn’t in that. That’s why it didn’t work out.” But Paul and I kept saying how God was SO in this, and that’s why it didn’t work out. We don’t know why this process went on for a year, but it did and we won’t question it. In the last year, we have learned so much. Our faith was strengthened, I got to lean on the Lord, take crazy risks (I mean, I put a letter on a farm y’all…), we learned way more about the home buying process than we could have ever imagined, we made great relationships with people in the business, we made new friends with the sellers of the farmhouse, and the timing of the farmhouse plan being shutdown was perfect to find this amazing home I am currently sitting in and am closing on this afternoon.

It was all worth it.

We got to watch a path unfold before us that was paved for us in our faithfulness and obedience. Like, how many first time home buyers get pre-approved, put an offer on the first home they find, and get it all within 48 hours? We put ONE OFFER on a home that was too good to be true to us. We thought there was no way we would get it, but may as well try…

That can only be the work of the Lord.

I love this story. I have wanted to share it for so long. And, though it ended different than I expected, it’s our story 0f God’s faithfulness and getting us into a home. It’s one answered prayer after the next, and 100000% God. We literally couldn’t manufacture this story if we tried.

I pray it encourages you. Heck, I pray one of you goes and leaves a letter on the gate of an old farmhouse and you get to move in. Whatever you needed to take away from this story, I hope you are encouraged. Remember that God is in the darkness, and when we feel like he has abandoned us and we feel attacked, he is actually making something on the other side of the darkness far greater than we could even imagine.

Run the race, friends. It’s always worth it.

xoxo- Han

How To Be The Listener

I feel like recently I have found myself, more than usual, sitting across the table from someone I love and hearing them talk about the painful journey they are currently walking through. Family trouble, inner battles, unexpected break-ups, uncertainty about jobs, bills they can’t pay, miscarriages… it’s always happening to somebody, but when it’s in your own community there is a sense of ownership and compassion in ways you didn’t know you could feel. I love being a friend that has ears to listen and advice where I can give, if any at all. Something important I have come to realize in being the friend in the listening seat is that I don’t have to have this enlightening, super spiritual, life changing advice to be a good friend and listener. In fact, what I have learned over time is that more often than not, when a friend is hurting and wanting to talk, the best thing to do is to not have “life changing” advice. Have you ever been meeting with someone, trying to tell them what you’re going through, and you can’t even finish your thoughts before they’re telling you about their own similar situation? I have TOTALLY been that listener before- it is our attempt to connect with someone in their pain, but it is honestly just selfish. I’ve learned to be quiet, ears to hear, a heart to grieve with, and empathetic. Not the “advice giver” until asked or it’s the proper time. Often, when we become the advice giver in the middle of someone’s hurt, we don’t give ourselves the time to check for selfish motives or make sure we are giving helpful advice- advice that is bitter-free. You track with that?

Picture this: You’re listening to someone’s situation they’re walking through, are reminded of a similar one in your own life that caused a wound, and immediately you respond with bitterness hoping the person confiding in you will, too. We want them to hurt and feel like we did in the middle of our own situation that was similar, because somehow that makes us feel better. Bitter people want to be bitter, and they feel better about bitterness when others stoop down to bitterness with them.

Oy. Rough. Convicted? I am.

(Guys, I am really laying it out there for you today.)

Romans tells us to be ‘promoters of peace’. (Romans 14:8) But, as a self-titled “advice giver” we can have the tendency of becoming the bitterness spreader- far from the one who pursues promoting peace.

The best thing we can do as listeners is to be still, quiet, and act like a big pillow top mattress someone gets to fall into.

In humility, there is always fruit.

I recently was on the phone with a dear friend of ten years, and she was talking to me about everything she was going through. I literally wept with her. Not only could I feel her pain, but it’s the only thing I knew to do with her and for her. I told her I didn’t know what to say or do, but that I felt her pain deeply. And know what? I have been on the other side of the table before, I have been the one crying with tears of hurt and frustration and looking for an answer from somebody. Yet, the best thing someone could do for me when I am the one in the hurt is cry with me. Sure, we will get to practical steps and the “what nows”, but I want to know in my hurt that I am not alone. I might not have it all figured out after spilling my soul out for 3 hours to someone, but I will have someone in my corner feeling my pain and cheering me on.

The Lord gave us access to empathy and compassion for a reason, these are characteristics of the Lord. We get to tap into those as believers because of the holy spirit, but only if we are quiet long enough to actually hear what he is telling us to say, feel, and do. Thus, stepping into the role of peace promoter.

What is amazing about coming into a friend’s hurt with them, too, is that in our humility, we have the ability to grow, have our own faith strengthened, and to be ministered to. If we are looking to just be the “hero” in a conversation, giving “good” advice out of selfish ambition (Philippians 2:3), we are literally fools. For real, the Bible says we are fools. “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2 But if we come in knowing we don’t have all the answers, simply ears to hear and scripture to speak truth with, then we too get to learn and hear. In our phone call, I told my sweet friend that I was so thankful for her humility and honesty, because it was ministering to my soul and my own situations. Even in her deep hurt, she was exposing wounds and hurts in my own heart that needed to be addressed. How good is God that he uses our hurt, even in the midst of the mess, to speak life into others?

I encourage you, pray about being a listener and not the advice giver. I get it, I can be opinionated and am a major fixer. So, with that combo, I have to intentionally NOT say “Well, this is what you need to do.” In our humility as the listener, we can be in tune and available to receive what might actually be good advice to give rather than selfishly rooted advice or simply your personal opinion. Trust me, we are human, and our personal opinions about what people should do are never going to be right. Be quick to listen, and slow to speak and slow to anger. It is there you will find fruit and flourish in your relationships, freedom from bitterness or resentment, and joy.

Love you guys, thankful for you, and praying for you always.

xoxo- Han

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