OH HEY Y’ALL. NICE TO E-SEE YOU. 😉
Legit, I feel like I have been MIA for a few weeks other than a peep here and there. But now that all the moves and life changes are kind of wrapped up, I feel like I am back in action. (well, sort of.) One of the cutest things Paul ever did for me was a couple years ago when I was working a late night event for work, and I asked him to please make dinner so I didn’t have to for us when I got back. I walked in to find him slaving away in the kitchen. I thought to myself, “Oh my gosh, what a cutie!” As I got closer to what he was concocting, I was immediately confused/disgusted/and somehow even more in love with him. Paul threw together all the things he knew how to make into a bowl, thinking this would work… I kid you not, he made spaghetti noodles, topped it with green beans and shrimp, and then was in the process of putting diced sweet potatoes on top as I walked through the door.
This bowl of food is the perfect picture of what my life has been like for the last month.
It’s been a mixture of a million things trying to work and mesh together, but overall it’s just been messy. To be honest with all of you, because that’s what I do around here, it’s been the most emotionally and physically exhausting month I can recall in a VERY long time. I talked a little bit about it in my post ‘Bye, Bye Birdie’, but I said goodbye to my home in Bulverde. With that came a lot of emotion, bittersweet feelings, and sadness. Then I came home from packing up my parents to turn around and pack up my own place. I spent the last week packing, moving, and unpacking to a place just a couple minutes up the road in Mckinney. This girl is SLEEEPY. (My arms and legs are covered in bruises, because I bruise like a peach, BUT IT WAS ALL SO WORTH IT. We already love our new place!) All in all, the past month has felt a lot like a breakup and y’all… I have cried a bunch. We are talking ugly cry, snot coming out the nose, and waking up with swollen eye lids. (keeping it real.) It’s like a switch clicked for me that things REALLY ARE moving on with time whether I like it or not, and it’s about time I decide to move with it.
Sometimes I re-read things I write in my posts, and I think “do I really want to share this?”
(just happened.. ha.)
But the simple answer is “yes”. I know some of you read my posts and think I am crazy for sharing what I share, or perhaps you couldn’t care less, but listen y’all, at the end of the day… I count it all joy to share the struggles I find myself in. I know I am not in this alone and I know that so many of us just need a push, a simple reminder, that we are not the only ones walking through heartache, struggles, frustration, or whatever it might be that you are going through. We can so easily get caught up in social media; we can get sucked into this false truth that others have it so much better than we do. Our minds are a battlefield, trust me when I say I get that so fully. I get comparison and anxiety. I know what it’s like to be unable to sleep because of a racing heart and anxiousness, and I know what it’s like to wake up in a panic because you were literally dreaming about things you need to do or fix. I know what it’s like to get angry at God that someone else has A, B, or C. I can get entitled feeling and think, “Why have you kept that from me?” Yet, it’s because of my personal experience of what our minds can convince us of that I choose to share the things I have to talk myself into sharing, all the while choosing not to care what people might think of it. I know that when I share something that was hard for me to type out or talk about personally, it’s probably even more so something that needed to be put out there. And, that for every judger or critical reader there is, there is probably at least 3 of you who needed to hear it. This is why I choose to do this social media thing. (Which ISN’T easy, y’all. I am an INFJ and love my privacy.) Isn’t it funny how ironic what we are called to do can be? I couldn’t care any less about what I look like for y’all (I mean, if you watch Snapchat you know this…), but when it comes to revealing my real life, the struggles, the every day… this can be hard for me sometimes. I remind myself to keep the mask off, though. It is the entire purpose and reason I ever started my blog in the first place. And gosh, y’all, if we ALL DECIDED to be mask free and be KIND, wow. What a different world we would live in. What a different election season this would be. How different would our relationships look? Massively different, of that I am certain. I am sick of scrolling through social media and seeing mean people, critical comments, belittling of people with different opinions than you. STOP IT.
So that’s where I am at tonight, and that is what I am here to encourage you in. Keep choosing to remove the mask. Keep choosing to live above. It’s so simple, and I just felt the need to say it.
In other news, for a quick life update, other than moving and feeling like a chicken with her head cut off for the last month, things are so good. I don’t just say that because it’s the “Christian thing” to do or say (barf). I mean it when I say that life is so good, EVEN IN THIS MESS. The last four months I have been praying hard for a couple of things and begging for vision. Sometimes in the middle of the prayer, you can lose site of the purpose and lose hope. You can wonder where He is in the mess and why he hasn’t fixed everything, but DON’T stop praying. Prayer breeds faith in the unseen, even when it’s hard. Actually, especially when it’s hard. In my waiting, in my longing, I have found so much peace and affirmation of how REAL God is. I have had the song “Prince of Peace” by Hillsong United on major repeat through this last season of life. It says this:
“My soul will know your love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war, when night screams terror there your voice will roar. Come death or shadow, God I know your light will meet me there. When fear comes knocking there you’ll be my guard, when day breeds trouble there you’ll hold my heart. Come storm or battle, God I know your peace will meet me there.”
GUYS THESE LYRICS ARE MONEY. Let this truth be your confidence. God is a lion roaring in the night to ward off the enemy- what an incredible picture for us to think on.
Lastly, exciting news, I shared on Snapchat today the big reveal of what is coming to The Cake by Hannah, so head over there to hear straight from me (messy top knot and all!) what’s up! Username is @hanmarie_mor. I have a couple fun collaborations and contributor posts for the fall as well that I cannot wait to share with you guys. Hint: the bachelorette. 😉
This post was kind of (super) a messy hodgepodge of random things and thoughts, but that’s how my mind feels currently- so welcome to my brain. I wanted to say hey, I am here, and as always… LOVE YALL. So thankful for you and for your support in this fun adventure.
Happy Thursday, folks.