I can’t speak for Presley, but as for Paul and I, we live in a dream chasing, business building household at basically all hours of the day. We both have always been big dreamers with big ideas and plans.
Apparently when Paul was a little boy, he was already thinking like an entrepreneur. He would sell Pokemon cards and created cinnamon sticks (toothpicks dipped in cinnamon) that he would entice his classmates with for quarters. I used to make jewelry with friends and sell it door to door, and did my fair share of lemonade stands. I always knew I wanted to do something different. I sure wish this blogging thing was a thing when I was 16 years old, because I could have graduated high school with a career and never been in school debt like I am. But seriously, can I get an amen? I told a few of our students that the other day, and their eyes lit up when they realized that they could start building a business now and be thriving by the time they turn 18.
Dreaming is wonderful, and chasing after your dreams is amazing. What Paul and I have realized over the last few years as we have dug deeper into what we feel called to do, is that it is a lot easier to get off track in marriage when you both love your jobs. You follow me? It’s easier to lose track of time, wake up at all hours thinking about what you need to do to make your business better or how to improve your work. And, rather than putting that same passion into our marriage, often times we can put the connecting in our marriage part on the back burner without even realizing it. What if I poured into my husband all the time how I pour into my dreams? If I woke up at 2 AM thinking about how I can improve my relationship with Paul, that could be crazy cool for us. (and a little obsessive, but that is beside the point.)
It’s a love hate relationship, you know what I mean? But, definitely lucky.
So Paul and I have had to very intentionally prioritize time with one another. We have had to say to one another “stop working, let’s be together” a lot, which can make us angry for half a second. Our immediate response sometimes is like a dog chewing on something that will kill them… but when you bend over to take it out of their mouth, they snarl at you. But, it’s so worth offending your spouse sometimes. Challenging your spouse to put down the phone or computer is definitely one of those “okay scenarios” to potentially offend.
Y’all are always so sweet to us, and I seriously can’t believe the emails or DMs I get asking for advice from Paul and me. Like, we are 24 and 27 years old, married (almost) 3 years, and fight more than any other couple I know… far from experts and certainly under qualified. But, I don’t take it lightly that for whatever reason, people look to us for advice. I take it very seriously, actually. I feel the weight of that, and I am fully committed to you. I have always believed in the truth that you only have to be one step ahead of someone to give aid, so that’s how I approach any questions we get. (Even if it’s just a limp ahead!)
Someone emailed me a few days ago after watching Paul and I do Instalive for beauty product reviews. They wanted to know how we balance life, chasing our own dreams, while also pouring into our roles of being a spouse. Particularly, how do I balance being a wife, serve in my church and walk alongside Paul in his role/job for the church, while also creating and running my own business?
I thought this was an incredibly sweet and relevant question since Paul and I are working on this intentionality thing right now. As far as cheering one another on in each of our passions and dreams, it comes second nature honestly. Neither of us even think about it, we just truly do believe in one another and what we are doing. When we read this email together, we thought “Wow, that is cool. I didn’t even realize that maybe it’s weird you are so involved with what I am doing.” Paul is my camera man for Instalive, goes to Downtown Mckinney with me for 10 minutes often for OOTD pics, and he always reads my posts and usually tells me I misspelled something…. he is the best. 😉
But, time management, that is definitely tough work. I can definitely catch myself writing at 10 PM, which feels innocent… because it’s writing. It’s “me time”… but not really, because it’s my job. It’s a blessing and a curse to turn your passions into your career. It makes life balance that much harder.
So, how do I manage being a wife, chasing my dreams, and being as involved in what Paul does as he is with me (he is a student pastor)? To be honest, this might not be the answer you would want to hear, but I don’t know. I am still figuring it out, we are still figuring it out.
We will happily be the first to tell you that we don’t have it all together. And that’s why having mentors is so important. That’s why community is so important. That’s why communicating with your spouse is so so important.
But, in not having it all figured out, I do know it simply starts with loving your spouse. You have to love your spouse more than you want to succeed. Major gut check. I actually just cringed a little writing that out, because sometimes… I don’t do that. If I say “yes” to my phone or to writing after 6 PM… I am saying I love the idea of success more than my marriage with Paul. Second, cheering on your spouse in all things they are doing comes through a thriving relationship with one another. If you feel disconnected from your spouse, if there is bitterness toward them that makes it hard to cheer them on, that’s probably the spot to start. If you’re having a hard time cheering them on in what they are doing, whatever their dream, perhaps it’s time to have a real conversation with your husband or wife. Have the open conversations early on, or bitterness will overcome you. Don’t sit on bitterness. It will not end well.
So, really, like the answer somehow always is… the answer to how we balance everything… is Jesus. When my relationship with Jesus is in check and thriving, the relationship with my spouse is. They are in direct correlation with one another. Furthermore, when I am thriving in my relationship with Christ, it makes keeping my priorities in check a lot easier. Because the more we spend time with Christ, the more we will mirror him.
In everything, the answer is always a desperate plea for more of Jesus.
I hope this helps you. If you take away anything from this post, let it be the question “Are my “yes-es” telling my spouse I care more about success in my work than the success of my marriage?”
Thank y’all for being awesome. Love you so much!